Problem with my wife...

Discussion in 'General Gun Discussions' started by balletto, Oct 24, 2005.

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  1. dk-corriveau

    dk-corriveau Member

    May 23, 2005
    Orlando, FL

    This is a tough situation. My wife is not anti-gun, but she wants nothing to do with them all together. When I brought the first gun, an M1 Garand :D , into the house, she was clearly uncomfortable. This is something that I understand; she came from a liberal family where guns were very taboo. That being said she has come around.

    First and foremost, she sees how much I enjoy my shooting, both on a physical level (going to the range and shooting) but also on an intellectual level (I’m always reading gun stuff and learning about gun/ammo design). Knowing how much I enjoy my sport, she has come around to support all of my gun habits/purchases/activities.

    Furthermore, she has come to agree with my thinking on self-defense and the RKBA. That being said, I have not been able to get her out to the range to learn how to use on yet, but I am still working on it. I figure once I get my son shooting (he’s only 15 months old) that will be the time to get her involved too.

    In fact, she will go the occasional gun show with me and at one recently I showed her a Springer XD-9 and when she saw the $450 price tag, she said, “You want one, that is about half the cost of your other guns.” I should have snapped it up, but I was just window shopping.

    I general approach would be to continue your research into the shooting sports and expand it slowly until she comes around to the idea that this isn’t some type of snap decision. Here is I did:

    1. Get some shooting friends and shoot with them as often as possible. Perhaps seeing the enjoyment the sport gives you she will some around. Bring home your target to show her how good/poorly you shot and how you are improving.

    2. Join the NRA. This may put her over the top, but it will demonstrate your support of your rights and will allow you to get American Rifleman once a month. Having reading material around may reinforce your commitment to shooting.

    3. Go to gun shows. I know that this will be tough if your wife isn’t ready to let you bring something home, but you will enjoy yourself and she will get the idea that you are continuing your interest in this sport.

    Regardless, this is a very touchy situation and you should take as much time as is necessary. I had been with my wife probably 7 years before I brought the M1 home and it took about 6 months of working on her before I thought she was comfortable enough with it for me to pull the trigger. It was quickly followed with my childhood .22 that I picked up form my parents. In the past two years, I have added three handguns to the home and I carry daily. Hopefully she will come around with a little guidance and understanding. It sounds like you are very respectful of her viewpoints and concerns and that makes me think that this can be done, it just might take a while.

    I will warn you though, like tattoos, guns are addicting and you should be comfortable with buying multiple before you buy the first, because there is no turning back. My wife jokes about my obsession, but is happy that it makes me happy. Hopefully your wife will find that place as well.
  2. silverbird

    silverbird Member

    Sep 7, 2005
    Central MD
    Who would that be? LOL

    These guys have a lot of good opinions, but if your wife is anything like my girl, you are in for a bumpy ride.

    I just bought the damn gun. Happy I did too. Then I went out and bought a rifle. I shoot about every other week or so, and have a great time doing so. Get the gun if you feel you need it. If you all like each other enough, it will work out (after a few longgggg, uncomfortable arguments that go nowhere). Eventually things will settle down to normal, tensions will ease, and she will become indifferent. Just be respectful and try to keep it out of her sight, make sure she knows where it is so she doesn't accidently stumble into it (unless there's a high risk of her taking it and selling it), and try to keep a low profile when going shooting.

    Best plan ever, right there. I didn't have the time (or patience) to gamble with that plan though, so I went my own route.
  3. 20cows

    20cows Member

    Feb 18, 2005
    West Texas
    It's a start. Make it a BIG, ugly, two handed jagged edged head lopper.:D It would make a gun look so much more.... civilized.:)
  4. 280PLUS

    280PLUS Member

    Feb 14, 2003

    I think that's what I was trying to say...
  5. MAUSER88

    MAUSER88 Member

    Apr 16, 2004
    I guess she wears the pants in the family, huh???:rolleyes:
  6. Chrontius

    Chrontius Member

    Jan 16, 2005
    My most effective argument was printing out a copy of Gunfacts 4.0 and inserting post-it tabs at the reply to every single argument thrown at me, with everything down the right hand side and the really important stuff along the top. This was left lying on the dining room table.

    I have managed to "open a dialogue" which will involve going to the local gun range and renting a .22 this weekend.

    I'm intending to find my mother a Taurus PT22 with pink grips, possibly getting it engraved as "PINK HAMMER" or something like that based on an economics discussion about a month ago (Hardware, loss leaders, and females taking charge of interior decorating... long story)

    Art's Grammaw! Art's poor grammaw!

    Seriously look into pink (or bright yellow or...) furniture for that -- see Oleg's 'teaching responsibility' posters for an example. It might help dampen the inevitable gut reaction should she agree but still have reservations about it.
  7. WarMachine

    WarMachine Member

    Mar 16, 2004
    You firearm ownership has not and probably will not bring any harm upon your family. If she can't respect your hobby, I don't know what to tell you. I find it EXTREMELY difficult reason with individuals who are unwilling to be rational. They let their passion and prejudices override their better judgement, and it does nothing but makes me heated :fire:
  8. balletto

    balletto Member

    Jun 27, 2004
    re: who wears the pants in the family?

    I'm better at making (and accepting) the difficult decisions, but she's more effective at whining until she gets her way. Or maybe I have a lesser tolerance for listening to the complaints before I give in :(

    I'm now thinking that getting some counseling is the way to go. Having a third party mediate the issue may help meaningful conversation get started, which is our most immediate problem, as I see it. I'm pretty confident that once she actually starts listening to the facts of the matter, and the seriousness of my safety intentions are made clear, she'll come around. I hope.

    Of course, the prospect of bringing someone as anti as her into the mix may do more harm then good.
  9. Lemon328i

    Lemon328i Member

    Jun 14, 2005
    If it is your money that is going into buying the firearm, then it is your right to do so. I would suggest that you also purchase a gun safe to properly secure the firearm and simply do not tell her the combination number. She will always be safe from that "evil" firearm while you are not home. Go on as many out of town business trips as you can during the winter. Remind her that there is no way she can get to the firearm should something happen; she should be sure to have a phone handy to call the police and wait for help.
  10. shooterIII

    shooterIII Member

    Jul 30, 2003
    Southern MN

    One of the previous posters said join the NRA. That is good advice, and also subscribe to other shooting magazines like Outdoor Life, Rifleshooter, Trap and Field or whatever, etc.
    You don't have to buy the firearm right away, but you are showing that you enjoy the shooting field. Let the magazines lay around and maybe when you are not around she will look at them. The magazines laying around just might start her on the way to mentally accepting the idea. As far as shooting, I am an avid trap shooter and trap shooters are a great bunch of people. If you went to a trap range and talked to a board member or someone behind the sign up counter and said that you had a spouse that didn't want a gun in the house, would it be possible to rent a gun or borrow one to shoot. I have borrowed some of my guns to ladies, kids, and other people that came to the club. It was rewarding to me to see these people enjoy them selves.

    Try it, it might work.
  11. Werewolf

    Werewolf Member

    Sep 12, 2003
    belleto told us that:
    Friend, you still don't get it. The issue is not the gun. The issue is that your wife is dictating to you what you can and cannot buy.

    Counseling is in order if the problem cannot be resolved internally but make sure when you go to counseling that the problem is defined correctly. The counselor isn't their to adjucate specific issues. The counselor is there to help you and your spouse solve a marital problem.

    If you go to the counselor with the specific issue and that counselor is anti-gun (very good chance of that IMO) you'll become the problem and not the real issue which is:

    A marriage is a partnership - not a dictatorship.
  12. Z_Infidel

    Z_Infidel Member

    Jan 16, 2003
    For any person to be as opposed to gun ownership as your wife, that person must not only reject the object of the gun itself but also the American traditions of gun ownership and self reliance. It is a deep and important issue that is about not only control within the marriage but also core beliefs and values. The prospect of ending a marriage is pretty heavy, but you must draw a line in the sand with respect to your own personal convictions. Be sure of your reasoning before you make a decision either way.
  13. cowboy77845

    cowboy77845 Member

    Sep 1, 2005
    You are not going to change her mind. Reason does not enter the discussion. If you want a gun, get one and let the chips fall where they may. You may be happy now but as time goes on this will become an issue. Undiscussed maybe, but an issue. And it will grow bigger and bigger in your mind. YOU ARE AN ADULT, SHE IS TREATING YOU AS A CHILD.
  14. pax

    pax Member

    Dec 24, 2002

    edited to add: despite all the chest-pounding, it's not about "who wears the pants in the family" or anything that macho. It is simply that you and your wife need to work out, now, where "she" ends and "you" begin. You're both stepping on each other's boundaries.

  15. Average Joe

    Average Joe Member

    Aug 29, 2005
    Central Florida
    Be a man, and just buy the dam thing! Any married man, that has to ask his wife's permission to buy something, is not a man, but a child..
  16. Wastemore

    Wastemore Member

    Apr 21, 2005
    I'd rather have a disappointed wife than a dead wife...
  17. Jim Watson

    Jim Watson Member

    Dec 24, 2002
    Florence, Alabama
    I am not married - and gladder of it most every day - but can suggest you go to
    and read articles 14, 24, 28, 29, 42, 43, 44, and any he references in those. He is extremely cynical about marriage but he makes a lot of good points and I can see from your (balleto's) posts and his articles where you are headed.
    Let us know if you arrive at a decision, be it counselling, knuckling under, or asserting yourself; and how it works out. It might help the next guy picking or dealing with a wife.
  18. Flatfender

    Flatfender Member

    Dec 28, 2002
    Second star to the right
    Idea! Take her paintballing. Airguns. Ease into it. Arguing will not persuade her. Just do it. She's a gun virgin.

    My wife, of 27 years, isn't into guns. She will target shoot a .22 and casual clay shoot in the back yard, if I catch her in the right mood.

    Other than that, she see no purpose in them. The other day she asked me when I was going to "grow out of your gun thing". She already knew the answer and just laughed.
  19. mole

    mole Member

    Jul 21, 2005
    Sometimes it's easier to ask for forgiveness than for permission. :evil:
    If I recall correctly---correct me if I'm wrong please---blackpower guns aren't considered "firearms". Get yourself a blackpowder revolver and sneak by on a technicality.;)
  20. Joey2

    Joey2 member

    Apr 18, 2004
    If my wife of almost 40 yrs. took that stance way back when she would of been my "ex" of 40 yrs.

    The soft line would be to tell her no sex until you gun safe (which you buy ahead of time)is full of all the weapons you want.

    If that apporach don't work make plans for escape and evasion out of the marriage. Slowly sneak assets out of the house and into safekeeping elsewhere. Take a lower paying job that will keep your support down. You do this after you have quietly squeezed as much money and assets away from the home without her knowing or being able to find out.

    This will take maybe months, but it will be worth it in the long run.

    A man does not need a woman all over his _ss for petty s-it.
  21. DontBurnMyFlag

    DontBurnMyFlag Member

    Sep 16, 2004
    i am sure youve got some great advice already. i was in the same sitauation with my girlfriend. we comprimised. she doesnt care that I have a gun as long as it is locked up in my parents house (their wishes) and that she doenst hear about me owning them. I just keep my mouth shut, dont bug her about what gun I just bought, and we get along fine. she went to the range recently wiht me to watch. :)
  22. HI express

    HI express Member

    Feb 4, 2005
    southern CA
    Sorry balleto

    One thing I've learned from THR is that is an important question to ask before going steady. After you marry ...then you decide if it is a battle to fight over...then the question is having a gun more important than being married to the lady?.

    Personally, Both my wife and I have been in situations, both together and separately where a gun was important in not letting the situation escalate.

    One situation was where my daughter came close to being kidnapped when she was about 5 years old.

    Your choice. Your life.
  23. garrett1955

    garrett1955 Member

    Aug 21, 2005
    some where in america... (Wis.)

    yes sir, i also have learned that, make shur they like, or allow guns... or else....
  24. AnthonyRSS

    AnthonyRSS Member

    Apr 10, 2005
    N. Alabama
    For the life of me I cannot understand how anyone can hateor be afeared of guns. At their most basic, they are just a tool.
    My father cut his thumb off with a table saw a while back but has never shot himself accidently. Which tool is more dangerous?
    (Rhetorical, neither, really.)
    I understand being afraid of dogs- you cannot control them sometimes. etc etc

    I can't see any remotely reasonable reason why someone would hate guns.

    People get their panties in a wad over nothing. Not you, balleto, your poor wife.
    Good luck

  25. Jackthelad

    Jackthelad Member

    Apr 29, 2004
    Akron, OH
    :) Don't give up!! My wife grew up in Hudson, Ohio, in a VERY anti gun household. I went through the same thing with her a few years ago, but went out and bought a shotgun I wanted anyways. As you can see from the pic taken on the day I brought it home, she was NOT HAPPY. After I showed her what a responsible gun owner I was, despite the media, and that the "evil gun" would not steal her breath while she slept, she slowly became very accepting. After seeing how much fun I was having shooting skeet with a buddy and his wife, she came along. Then she moved into handguns with me and has gone to the range with me. I have since obtained my CHL. Now, when I do not go out armed, she gives me that look, "Why aren't you taking your gun?" SHOW her that you are a responsible gun owner. I never thought my wife would change, but she has- and even defends me to her family.

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