SAW 1 - somewhat became a reality for me today

Discussion in 'General Gun Discussions' started by .cheese., Apr 8, 2007.

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  1. .cheese.

    .cheese. Member

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    I will post more when I've gotten over my pride hurting, and have fixed the door that the police had to break down to get me out of an extremely stupid yet horrible situation.

    Anybody here who is a MDPD officer probably will be hearing about me today.... so try not to laugh too hard.

    More to come. I haven't slept and am sick as I was pretty much locked naked (boxers on only) in the cold for 6 hours.

    I'm sure I'll lose a ton of respect for what I did.... but, I will tell the story when I get a chance soon so that others won't make the same mistake and have to go through the 6 or more horrible agonizing hours (as your hand goes numb) and begin to get desperate, literally starting to wonder if you'll have to seriously injure yourself to get out of the situation.

    It's a horrible, yet moronically funny (for you all and the MDPD officers who thank G-d helped, and were very professional, which I appreciated).

    And I give a special thanks to my nextdoor neighbor who finally heard my calls for help and called the police for me.
     
  2. 357wheelgunner

    357wheelgunner Member

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    Well now I want to hear the story, please update soon :uhoh:
     
  3. SDC

    SDC Member

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    You can't leave us hanging like that :D
     
  4. noydb

    noydb Member

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    Vacumn cleaners aren't meant to be used like that.....:evil:
     
  5. rero360

    rero360 Member

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    good lord, now I must know, please fill us in as soon as possible, I have taken the needed precautions of covering my keyboard in seran wrap. :D
     
  6. krimmie

    krimmie Member

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    Well, he didn't make the local paper(Miami Herald)...better come clean quick economist, your version or the real one from the cops!
     
  7. Biker

    Biker Member

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    Don't feel bad, man. Lotsa people handcuff themselves then slip their heads through a noose while watching bondage flicks.
    Pretty common these days, they tell me.

    Biker:scrutiny:
     
  8. Sylvan-Forge

    Sylvan-Forge Member

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    Guessing can be fun ..

    So let me guess ..

    You were partying a bit at home, went outside to your car to get something, only you forgot your keys. You attempt to go back in and get them but your door had closed behind you and automatically locked. Your front door is the type that is unconventional for Florida coastal living and opens in instead of out leaving you with no way to access the door latch. Being that you were in your skivies and it was 1am, you didn't want to rouse the neighbors. So you waited...and waited...

    OK .. so it has just got to be more interesting than my supposition :)

    PS. Never watched saw.
    Just wanted to add .. everybody makes mistakes!
     
  9. 2TransAms

    2TransAms Member

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    What was that?! A teaser? You can't say you were in a SAW-like situation and not tell us the rest...
     
  10. akodo

    akodo Member

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    well, as he had to call for his neighbors rather than just go ring the bell, he was obviously not just locked out of his house in his skivvies.

    He apparently somehow got his hand caught and got stuck. Changing the tire at night in just his skivvies on a hill when the jack rolled back and he got his hand pinnned?
     
  11. Moondoggie

    Moondoggie Member

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    I'm with oo7, except that in is attempt to regain entry he tried to use the mail slot in the door to reach the inside doorknob, thus becoming stuck and trapped outside in his skivvies.

    Happens to the best of us...just not very often!
     
  12. Sylvan-Forge

    Sylvan-Forge Member

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    Right akodo. Good point.

    I'm going with - locked hisself to something with his new hand-cuffs ..

    .. inside the house. Hence the door getting smashed. If he was outside and unharmed they could have called a locksmith.
     
  13. Jorg Nysgerrig

    Jorg Nysgerrig Member

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    This certainly doesn't seem gun related yet... but as far as a "HEY LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT ME!" post, it is slightly intriguing, although certain to be a let down.
     
  14. alucard0822

    alucard0822 Member

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    Doesn't remind me of saw, but don't you mean the scene from American pie? (maybe 2) with the glue? sounds similar.

    Sorry to bust on you bro, but the other 1/2 of what really happened is probably no where near as bad or embarasing as what can be imagined, especially after Biker chimes in, doesn't matter who you are thats funny
     
  15. Doggy Daddy

    Doggy Daddy Member

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    Well, without going into details, it sounds like he might've done something like I did years ago when I lived in Ohio.

    It was winter. I was sitting in my car in my apartment complex parking lot, carefully cutting a hole in the dash to mount a new-fangled digital clock in it. When I got to the actual mount-the-clock-in-the-hole phase, I managed to super glue my left hand to around the steering wheel. Not "to" the steering wheel. "Around" the steering wheel. That is, my left thumb and index finger were glued to each other as my hand gripped the wheel.

    Thanks, Economist, for bringing back memories... NOT! :neener:
     
  16. MikePGS

    MikePGS Member

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    Lets see it was a Saw situation... so i take it a horrible script was involved at some point?:p
     
  17. Trip20

    Trip20 Member

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    Sounds like somebody will be leaving the "working girls" alone for a good long time... :evil:
     
  18. Stevie-Ray

    Stevie-Ray Member

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    You weren't "stuck" in an inground pool or hot tub were you?:what:
     
  19. Lucky

    Lucky Member

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    My guess

    I guess he locked his keys in the car. And he caught his finger in the car door as it closed.

    Well, I haven't done both together but that's just me, it's been a month now and this fingernail is still dark purple.


    Without too bad a wind a person's main problems would just be their feet and ears mostly, easy to lose toes when wearing shoes, let alone barefoot. That and unbelievable shrinkage!
     
  20. boredelmo

    boredelmo member

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    You cut off your leg?!?! thats nuts!
     
  21. .cheese.

    .cheese. Member

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    alright.... I'm awake. Had to take a nap after last night.

    So here's what happened. In all of its full stupidity. Hopefully this won't be on the news, because, well - I think I'd die of embarassment. I don't know what the medical term for that is.... but I'm sure they'd have to coin one if nothing else if it happened.

    So, when I was a kid, I had a strong hobby, even stronger than shooting at the range is today. Magic. I performed all over the place, and made pretty good money for a kid doing it. It took second place to my education though, so it was put on the backburner for a while. I still enjoy learning new tricks, and lately my fascination had turned to escape tricks. Now, I've escpaed from everything ranging from thumbcuffs to shackles and locked chains, there's always a trick to it. So I was reading most recently about escaping from handcuffs. I read up on it, and decided to start to practice, one hand at a time. I already had bought a pair to have at home anyways, part of my "just-in-case" kit.... not really practical for home-defense, but I figured, "Ehhh... what could it hurt to have a pair"

    Couldn't sleep last night. So around 2:30 AM, I grabbed them and decided to start fiddling to teach myself to get out. I took them out to my balcony because I just needed some kind of pole or rail, as I wasn't going to handcuff both hands together without somebody around. I wanted to have a hand free and have the key so when I finally got tired and gave up for the night, I could just unlock myself and try again another day.

    Well, things didn't go to plan..... 99% because of stupidity, 1% because of gravity, which was forgotten about due to the 99% of stupidity. I was planning to go to bed, so all I had on was my boxers, and it was starting to get pleasant outside as a cold-front was headed into the area.

    Being the all-intelligent being that I am, I placed the key next to where I was practicing, which was on the balcony wall/ledge/rail thing. It was concrete, and above it was the metal rails I handcuffed one end to, then the other end my right hand. So I practiced, started to learn, and after 30 minutes, I gave up and decided to go to bed. So I reached for the key, but as I went to grab it, I accidentally knocked it over the side of the balcony, onto the ground below. This is not on the first floor btw.

    So I say, "Oh ok.... well, I have another key. Where is it?" Answer - in the bedroom. I have all of 3 feet that I can move. "Crap." I try to stay calm. I live alone, and nobody is supposed to visit me as I've been working on a paper non-stop and not getting together with friends as I otherwise would.

    On my balcony is, two chairs, a table, an ashtray, and some cigarette butts in it. The nearest phone is 15 feet away. There is however a fax machine only 6 or so feet away. I just couldn't reach it.

    So I figure, "Ok.... you're going to have to get good at this escape thing, really fast, or figure out a way to break these things now." Short answer - breaking them is not easy. I try kicking out the aluminum railing, thinking if I can just get to the other key, I'll be fine. Aluminum isn't as weak as some might have you think though... I learned that fast.

    I try calling out for help, but it was 3 AM.... yeah.... good one TE. Nobody can hear you.

    So then I figure I'm going to have to bust the chain somehow. I rip off a metal decorative curtain holder from the wall, thinking maybe I can use it to pry the chain off, or bust a link. I make some progress, but after an hour it's not working. So then I focus on trying to pry open the handcuff cuffed to the rail, and I made serious progress, but it wouldn't bust open, nor would any pin break. Those things could take a serious beating, holy moly.

    By now it's like 5:30 AM. I try again calling for help, for a good 30 minutes. I'm calling out, "Help... somebody please call the police or the fire dept." After 30 minutes all I got was one lady who opens up her window nearby and says, "It's 6 AM. Shut the f*** up! Or I'll call the police!" So I yell back, "Please! That's all I'm asking. Please call the police. They can help." But she shut her window half-way as I'm talking. I'm figuring, the police have the same model handcuffs most likely (SW Model-100's) or at least they have a universal key.

    It's been 3 hours, and the cold front is moving in. I'm starting to get very cold, and I can't move more than a couple feet in any direction. So I again try kicking out the rail. Hard. My feet start really hurting as I have no shoes on and the metal edges are starting to cut into my feet as I do it. Some time before this, I don't know when, the cuff around my hand got much... much tighter. The double lock thing hadn't been engaged, so it could still tighten.

    I then try snapping the metal curtain thing I ripped off the wall and try sharpening it against the grit around the tile that the balcony had. I'm hoping at this point that I can use it to pry up one of the railing bars from the bottom, and slip the cuff attached to the rail underneath. No dice. I just cut my fingers a little bit. So then I find a lighter on the ground near the ash-tray and out of desperation try heating up the chain, thinking maybe if I can get it hot enough to weaken the welds in a chain link, if I pull really hard maybe it will give. No dice. All that happened was the heat traveled along the chain to the cuff and I got a little burned. Nothing serious, but enough to finally get me to panic given that by now it's something like 7:30 AM.

    So, the sun is up, and I'm thinking, "People jog around here in the morning... except, it's Easter Sunday.... do they have to go to church early? I'm Jewish... I have no idea. At least I wouldn't be missing church I guess.

    Some guy walks by nearby, I try explaining to him what happened, and asked if he could come over here and look below for the key and throw it to me. A problem arises. This is South Miami. He doesn't speak english. Wishful thinking on my part. He understands the word "handcuffs" that's it. He walks off. By this point I can no longer feel my fingers. The cuff is very tight around my wrist.

    Now, the whole time I've been sporadically calling out for help, but now I up it. I realize I'm out of ideas, I'm sore, burnt, cut, and generally - screwed. As I'm yelling for help, I decide I'll try getting my hand on my fax machine. It's near the door, on rollers. If I can just reach it, maybe I can use it. So I use my foot... but that pushes it farther away. Then I use a chair near me to reach around for it, and pull it near me. I have a couple pieces of paper, but no pen. So I grab some cigarette butts and write, "Help! (address)" and try faxing it to 911. I was just hoping they'd have some kind of setup for that. The dispatcher picks up, and I can hear her, but she can't hear me because there's no microphone on the fax machine. She can hear my fax machine tone, but doesn't know what to do. Probably figured it was a spam call or something. She hangs up, and then tries calling back, I can't get to a phone, so I try picking up with the fax machine and engaging the fax again thinking maybe she'll get it this time and figure out what's going on." Nope. I tried one more time.... that was a hopeless idea.

    Then I tried faxing my parents seeing if they'd get it. By now it's 8 AM. My mother picks up, sees it's my phone number... but doesn't realize it's a fax, even though it's the fax line at their house I was dialing. She calls back afterwards, but I can't pick up. I keep trying to fax my parents, but every time my mother picks up.... for the love of G-d! I'm thinking I'm going to be stuck like this for quite a while, until people realize nobody's seen me for a couple days.

    Some joggers run by, I yell out towards them "HELP!" They look at me with a puzzled face and keep going. Some bicyclists do the same and actually laughed. They thought I was joking?

    I'm darn cold at this point, the cold front is in.... and I'm in my boxers. While it would have been at least mildly acceptable had this been some kinky sex thing.... it's just even more horrible because I did this to myself through stupidity. I pull the power cord for my paper shredder. I try to figure out how to use it to get out. I'm wondering if I run the blades against the chain if that will break it. However, in trying to see where to put it, I realize that doing so would seriously cut into my arm or hand. No dice. I find a piece of wood, break it apart thinking maybe I can use a piece to push down the locking mechanism on the second cuff (the one attached to the rail) and set it free. No dice.

    8:30 rolls around. Now I'm just yelling out for help. Ideas are starting to go through my head like, "Am I going to have to dislocate my shoulder or something? I have no idea how to do that." and I even start thinking that to get out of this, I'm going to have to do something that really really hurts. Images of the scene from Saw where they cut through their feet start going through my head and I'm just thinking, "Heck no." but I'll admit, it's cold, I'm in pain, and by now I'm fairly scared. I keep yelling. Finally around 8:45, my next door neighbor wakes up and walks out of her place... hears my yelling, and comes over to me. "You must be freezing!" she said. I explained what happened, she called the police, didn't laugh at me thankfully, although I'm sure she saved that for when she went inside... and within 15 minutes the police and the fire department are there. She tried looking for the key, but didn't know what it looked like and my description apparently didn't help. By this point I can no longer feel my hand for the most part. I don't really know why it went numb as the real artery to supply blood is deep down, I guess the cuff was tight, and maybe the cold helped too.

    The police ask me, "Is there somebody else in your home? Did somebody do this to you?" I respond with, "No... this is unfortunately entirely my fault." They ask how, I gave them the truth. They didn't laugh fortunately. An officer quickly sees the key and tries to throw it up to me, but it misses. He says, "Is there a key to your front door you can throw me, so I can come in and unlock you?" I explained that I couldn't reach anything.

    So he says, "Ok, we're going to have to break down the door then to get in."

    I agreed as just wanted to be out of this situation already.

    So they busted down the door and finally let me out. They were very polite and I noticed an officer was looking around my home as they were getting ready to leave. Maybe that was just protocol, or maybe he was wondering if drugs got me into that position, in which case he probably just said afterwards, "Nope... this guy was just an idiot." - and sadly he would have been right. This qualifies as the dumbest thing I've ever done. Unfortunately they did get a look at my gun-safe and the few ammo-cans next to it. They didn't say anything though so I guess they just figured I wasn't fitting any known stereotype to have to check serial numbers (or they'll be coming back - who knows).

    All in all I hurt my arms, legs, feet... but really all of that is minor compared to the damage done to my pride.

    I share this all with you guys just so nobody else makes this mistake. It's pretty hard to do something this dumb.... but I proved that it's possible. Maybe I'll get flamed. Who knows. I don't really care at this point to be honest. I did throw out the cuffs, but that was mainly because I damaged them quite a bit trying to get out. 6 hours of being stuck there. Could have been worse.
     
    Last edited: Apr 8, 2007
  22. MikePGS

    MikePGS Member

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    Wow thats awful. As much as you don't want to hear it, thanks for the entertainment:) at least you get that out of it eh?:)
     
  23. Doggy Daddy

    Doggy Daddy Member

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    .....too . .... ..hard......... .to...type ......... . .while........laughing........:D
     
  24. Cosmoline

    Cosmoline Member

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    It certainly highlights how little help you can expect to get from neighbors when you need it :eek:

    It reminds me of the time in highschool when my alleged gf attached me to a table in the back room of the library after hours and left. I still remember that sense of panic, and I know it's not much fun.
     
  25. 50caliber123

    50caliber123 Member

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    I couldnt laugh at that story. Being trapped (been there, but different scenario) is not fun. Its one of the scariest things I can think of. Sorry that your Easter went over like that, but its good that you're ok.
     
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