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Short Story(s) testing.

Discussion in 'General Gun Discussions' started by Atla, Jul 10, 2008.

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  1. Atla

    Atla Member

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    Thanks to Oleg for allowing me to post this. Along with the comment of 'I like it very much'.

    Look folks, I don't write. I've never been real good with writing and such. My first college English class I failed two times. Granted, my attendance was abysmal the first time. And the second time I just drank to much that semester...

    But from what I turned in, the teachers weren't fans. Evidently I write, 'like I talk'.

    I figured it was a compliment, since I don't use big words. ;>

    But I like to read, a lot. And I read pretty quickly. So I figured I'd try my hand at writing stories, it seems to be all the rage on these boards right now anyways. I'm not up to some long fancy story yet. I'm taking baby steps if you will. This is the first one, just a brief short story. I'll post a bunch of them with the same character through different scenarios, just trying stuff out. (I'll admit my biggest fear is 'conversations'... trying to type those scare the crap out of me.)

    So - here ya go. Nit pick it, whine about it, praise it, bash it, whatever.

    This is just a trial run.

    On with the show.


    Since the first few sentences of every story is the most important... here's the first line(and a half) for the next short story.

    "I licked my chapped lips and looked through the spotting scope again. The target was small, real small. Luckily for me he had a big head. Midgets are like that."
     
  2. Mil-Spec45

    Mil-Spec45 Member

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    I'm no English teacher...but I like it!
     
  3. bogie

    bogie Member

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    A great number of English teachers don't know a whole lot about writing.

    I like it.
     
  4. Picard

    Picard Member

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    Depressing but pretty good.
     
  5. gtmerkley

    gtmerkley member

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  6. hacksaw

    hacksaw Member

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    Very Noir/Mike Hammer-ish...I like!
     
  7. BattleChimp Potemkin

    BattleChimp Potemkin Member

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    By the way, I'm Max and I'm pretty certain I'm dying.

    Love it! Good charector introduction, good flow of plot, gotta give us more!:D Why is Max shooting folks, midgets?:D
     
  8. crashresidue

    crashresidue Member

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    A very good read - please don't stop now.

    cr
     
  9. Elza

    Elza Member

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    Atla: Great read and very sobering.

    Everyone that carries a gun should read this story. This is another reason why I hope I never have to use a gun to defend myself!
     
  10. Josh Aston

    Josh Aston Member

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    Forget short story, that's a great intro to one hell of a novel.
     
  11. Brian Dale

    Brian Dale Member

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    You do now.

    Keep going. :)
     
  12. lysander

    lysander Member

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    I liked it!
     
  13. cambeul41

    cambeul41 Member

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    You beat me to it!
     
  14. Atla

    Atla Member

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    Hey - thanks guys. Really.

    Max may or may not be dead. And...he may not even be the 'good guy'. ;>

    But he'll be the constant character throughout these stories, the time line be damned. I'm about halfway or so through the midget story as I stayed up late last night playing with it. So I ought to have more to offer you soon!
     
  15. DoubleTapDrew

    DoubleTapDrew Member

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    That's as good as (or better than) any novel I've read. Excellent work! Keep it up!
     
  16. 2TransAms

    2TransAms Member

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    Good read,Atla! I like how the style is not very verbose. Succinct and blunt.
     
  17. Atla

    Atla Member

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  18. Brian Dale

    Brian Dale Member

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  19. 2TransAms

    2TransAms Member

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    Gross. Awesome. Max's brain is not all there,is it? Nor,apparently,is the midget's.
     
  20. Radagast
    • Contributing Member

    Radagast Contributing Member

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    Absolutely brilliant. I'm bookmarking this thread. :)
     
  21. NukemJim

    NukemJim Member

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    Atla, I like both samples/teasers.

    I would recomend that you listen to your gut and feedback from readers and sales, NOT English Teachers. My apologies to any good English Teachers on the board, and yes there are a few of them. I've had precisely 1 (one) out of grade school, high school, and college.

    If the english teachers know so much about writing why aren't they writing for a living? Again my aplogies to the rare english teachers who do write well and/or help/encourage their students to do so.

    To avoid thread drift I shall shut up about english teachers.:fire: :cuss:

    NukemJim
     
    Last edited: Jul 12, 2008
  22. Apple a Day

    Apple a Day Member

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    Spent brass?

    Dude, you shot the midget! I should be ashamed that I'm laughing so hard. :what::D
     
  23. Flyboy

    Flyboy Member

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    The first one didn't really have the tone of a short story--it read more like a voice-over narration at the beginning of a movie. I could actually see the scene with the main character telling us the story over top of it.

    The second one, I wasn't such a fan of. Your character seems to be taking great pleasure in terrorizing his undersized victim, and describes him as a "sadist?" For not rescuing a fish while under fire? I don't know, I guess the character seemed too amoral and casual about killing. If this story expands, I really hope he turns out to be the bad guy. Even at that, he's still pretty shocking.
     
  24. Atla

    Atla Member

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  25. hankdatank1362

    hankdatank1362 Member

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    Dude, you should write movie scripts.
     
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