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So his daughter's date shows up...

Discussion in 'General Gun Discussions' started by Oleg Volk, Oct 10, 2005.

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  1. Oleg Volk

    Oleg Volk Moderator Emeritus

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    [​IMG]
    This guy is awaiting the birth of his daughter. He is already practicing making an impression on the would-be boyfriends (not sure if he'd treat would-be girlfriends the same)...
     

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  2. Hobie

    Hobie Member

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    Oleg,

    It should be, "What does "NO" mean to you?"
     
  3. Oleg Volk

    Oleg Volk Moderator Emeritus

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    Fixed. Thanks!
     
  4. Charles S

    Charles S Member

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    LOL,

    I reasemble that remark. I dread the day my 7 year old daughter starts to date. At least I have a few years to get ready.

    Charles
     
  5. Luchtaine

    Luchtaine Member

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    I hope that my girlfriends dad is that well armed. I wouldn't be intimidated in the least assumeing she has no brother I would be thinking inheritance :D
     
  6. english kanigit

    english kanigit Member

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    It's too bad things didn't work out with my ex-girlfriend.

    Her dad was almost as big of a gunnie as I am. :rolleyes:
    One night I was over watching a movie with the whole family and we start talking about guns and such. Well, papa disappears for a few minutes and when he comes back, he's got a towel bundled up in his arms. So he sits down on the floor and starts laying out some pistols... it was a fun evening.
    First thing he pulls out of the towel was a 1911, springfield I believe.
    "Hey! I've got one o' them!" :D


    Twas a fun evening.
     
  7. waterhouse

    waterhouse Member

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    I once got invited by my then girlfriend to join her family for Christmas. I had heard jokes about this sort of thing, but when I got there her dad was actually cleaning his shotgun, trying his best to look scary.

    I think he was a little suprised when I just sat down and started talking guns. Then he remarked about how hard it was to clean the action of his 870, since "there was a lot of stuff in the way and gunk gets back there" so I showed him how to take the bolt assembly out and clean it and put it back in.

    He and I got along really well after that.
     
  8. P95Carry

    P95Carry Moderator Emeritus

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    Your usual pictorial excellence Oleg but I am a tad concerned about presenting this to public view - anti's of course.

    I know we jest about ''daughter protection'' etc but there is lurking in this (IMO) an implicit threat that sorta says - ''touch a hair on my daughter's head and you are dead meat!!

    I guess I am ever more and more aware of how we present ourselves and I am not so happy at seeing a perceived threat. Sure, if we are armed against criminals that's fine but here, for me - not the best message when, as we may hope, first dates are non-criminal :D
     
  9. Test1968

    Test1968 Member

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    10 rules for dating the daughter

    Remember, you have to have the right intonations and body language.

    Rule One

    If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

    Rule Two

    You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

    Rule Three

    I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear theirs trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: you may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

    Rule Four

    I'm sure that you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

    Rule Five

    In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

    Rule Six

    I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

    Rule Seven

    As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh, and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

    Rule Eight

    The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or pastors within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies, which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

    Rule Nine

    Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless commander of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

    Rule Ten

    Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy outside of Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car-there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

    :D
     
    Last edited: Oct 10, 2005
  10. KriegHund

    KriegHund Member

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    LOL I like it!

    And especially that last gun.
     
  11. ny32182

    ny32182 Member

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    I don't like the poster, really... I'd be less blunt, but it isn't just something about the wording that I think could be improved, etc... I don't like the message in general.

    First of all, intimidation with a firearm when no threat is present is a crime, I believe. Second, imo, it is sending the wrong message to the kid. It says to junior (a daughter in this case), "whatever you do, your parents will bail you out of trouble". Teaching your kid from a very young age the proper values, behavior, and self respect will do worlds more for them than trying to scare their peers with a weapon.

    My current girlfriend has told me that her father tried the shotgun thing when she went out on her first date a number of years ago. If he, or anyone ever tried it with me, I don't know whether I'd laugh or cry.... am I justified in grabbing my CCW if I really feel threatened? Inquiring minds want to know. :rolleyes: (I get along with him fine, btw, at least during the couple times that I have met him).
     
  12. Monkeyleg

    Monkeyleg Member

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    Test1968, I'm glad I didn't meet any dads like you when I was a teen!

    :D :D :D
     
  13. M-Rex

    M-Rex member

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    No it is not, because the definition of 'intimidation' is squarely on the shoulders of the would-be victim - specially on private property. To be specific, I don't consider the young man in the poster to be intimidating. In fact, many times, when I arrive at one of my personal friends' homes, the living room looks exactly as is pictured in the poster. ;)

    Great poster, Mr. Volk.
     
  14. Oleg Volk

    Oleg Volk Moderator Emeritus

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    This isn't meant as a poster, only as a joke on my friend (pictured). I won't put this on my web site.
     
  15. pax

    pax Member

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    It is funny, but Chris has a point. Glad to hear it's going no further!

    Oleg, you could put it on your website with just the lower phrase. "What part of NO didn't you understand?" makes a pretty good rallying cry.

    pax
     
  16. Hardtarget

    Hardtarget Member

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    I had a friend(Mr. Murphy) that used a similar system. He always made it a point to meet his daughter's date/new boyfriend in his den...where all his shooting tropheys were on display. :D Told me he loved the look on their faces! Thats a good photo. I'd like to see some of the reactions!
    Mark.
     
  17. blume357@bellsouth.net

    blume357@bellsouth.net Member

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    marine

    I have a good friend who is a retired USMC Master Sgt. He has 5 daughters.. He says all he ever told a guy taking out one of his daughters out on a date was that anything the guy did to his daughter he would do to him.... he would get some strange looks while the dude thought about it and then he would repeat it and tell them he REALLY ment it.

    Blume
     
  18. junyo

    junyo Member

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    Yeah, the threat needs to be explicit.

    When I have kids, and if they're girls, I plan to start a program of systematic intimidation and terror against all males (and tough looking females) in a 50 mile radius. I don't want anyone coming to the house without understanding that if my daughter cries, so will they.

    I'm absolutely sexist about it too, my boys will have to figure it out as they go.
     
  19. bigun15

    bigun15 Member

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    The only reason I don't like the poster is because I'd be the date. Teenage guy right here.
     
  20. bjbarron

    bjbarron Member

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    I hated it when my daughter would have wimps and sensitive types pick her up for dates. They were all so needy. I never trusted them...and they were always the ones who hurt her.

    When she dated guys who liked my guns and knives, and had some of their own...those I trusted. They KNEW in their bones what would happen if they messed with my Manny...altho she was wicked with a Louisville Slugger.
     
  21. Azrael256

    Azrael256 Member

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    Ok, picture this: I walk in to meet Dad. I arrived about thirty minutes early, as I always do for a first date, simply assuming that her father is going to want to chat with me. I know I will, and it's definitely a negative mark if her dad doesn't want to have "the talk" with me.

    So, Dad is sitting at the kitchen table cleaning his guns. I see a FAL of some type, not too tactical, but pretty neat. I notice a sequential pair of Model 19s sitting side by side. There's a K-frame, I think, .38 in stainless, and a Marlin .30-30. In Dad's hands is an 870 and a cleaning rag, and he's rubbing down the barrel with some CLP. He is just about to open his mouth to start the "I got no problem goin' back to prison" speech when I spot the Mossberg Model 500.

    Now lemme tell you, folks, I've got a 500, but it's the Ducks Unlimited version. I'm not saying that it's not a fine shotgun, but it's not the uber-tactical black one with all the doo-dads. This one was. I REALLY want that shotgun.

    "WOW! That's the groovy tactical 500!!! Oh wow! (picking up the shotgun and clearing it) Man, this is cool! You've got the 8-round magazine, and the parkerized finish, and.. WOW! That's the speedfeed stock! Oh, cool! You've even got the fancy ghost ring sights! Hey, did you get that cool bandolier sling for it?!? I REALLY want one of those! Hey, can we go to the range sometime? I'd love to shoot this thing!"

    You ever watch a fish in a bowl? You know how they just sort of open and close their mouths all the time? That's about what Dad did. He was completely speechless for nearly a minute. When he finally regained his composure, he managed to say "Uh... ok... sure..." After another thirty seconds of staring at me, he says "Sit down, young man. You want a cup of coffee?" Conversation ensues. The girl comes downstairs for the date. She has to sit and listen to another ten minutes of us boys chatting about guns before it finally dawns on him that I'm here to take his daughter out. He says, "I think she's waitin' for you, son. You two have fun, and be real careful."
    "Yes sir, no problem. We'll be back at ten."

    Her mom was never really happy with me, and she thought I was a little bit too much like her dad (funny, that), but I sure did have a good time hanging out with her dad and brothers at the range. *sigh* Miss that girl... Miss that shotgun more.


    Edited to add: What kind of thigh holster is that? I'm in the market for one.
     
  22. M-Rex

    M-Rex member

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    If you grabbed the man's shotgun, in front of him, without asking, I'd say you are very lucky you weren't thrown out the front window.
     
  23. Hawken50

    Hawken50 Member

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    picking up a girl (now my wife) for our first date. mom invites me in, offers me a drink, makes small talk, etc. Dad walks in, looks me up and down with a hint of disgust, and throws a bullet at me and says "if you hurt my daughter, the next one will come at you alot faster.

    i plan on using that one when my daughter brings boys home :evil:
     
  24. bogie

    bogie Member

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    Oleg, got three words for you...

    You Need Curtains.

    Sheesh... Artists and Designers...
     
  25. odysseus

    odysseus Member

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    LOL :D That was a good laugh... good stuff. I am saving it for if the day ever comes...
     
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