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The Danish response...

Discussion in 'Legal' started by Preacherman, Feb 12, 2006.

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  1. Preacherman

    Preacherman Member

    Dec 20, 2002
    Louisiana, USA
    From Brainsnap (http://www.jengajam.com/r/Danish-Response):

    World Cringes in Fear of Danish Response

    Submitted by Comrade Che on 8 February, 2006 - 11:08am. international

    Amid rumors that the Danish Prime Minister has renamed himself 'Erik the Blood-Axe', experts in Danish history have been called in to advise governments across the globe on the ensuing crisis.

    "Listen," says Chair of Danish Studies at Harvard, Sven Huntleigh, "Last time anyone provoked the Danes, the whole lot of them picked up axes, dressed up in bearskins, antlers and horns, then went marching across Europe looting and burning. In short - everybody knows you don't mess with the Danes. They're freakin' crazy!"


    Meanwhile, experts at the Pentagon fear the worst is yet to come.

    "The Danish response is expected to be swift and bloody," Maj. General MacNeill told press earlier today. "But first, many thousands of longboats have to be carved..."

    Cultural theorists are in agreement, however, that perhaps the most alarming development in the crisis is that cartoonists and comic strip writers are once more claiming to be culturally significant and influential afterall.

    "A few thousand nauseatingly smug comic shop proprietors across North America are, distressingly, now more certain than ever of the intellectual importance of comics," despaired one pre-eminent cultural theorist, wearing corduoroys and a tweed jacket to preserve anonymity.

    "It's enough to rob one of the will to live," he or she added.

    Meanwhile in Northern Europe, Danish Prime Minister Mr. Blood-Axe has issued an edict forbidding males between 18 and 45 to shave and has instructed all army officers to "plat their beards, a bit like Gilmli at Helms Deep - which was so wicked". In addition, rowing lessons are now mandatory in all secondary schools as well as badminton - the latter being condemned as 'barbarous' by the UN only hours later. Finally, Mr. Blood-Axe is expected to go before the Danish parliment tomorrow to request an extra 86 billion to be added to the defense budget. Already, Denmark has taken out orders for millions of state-of-the-art Israeli-made axes, hammers and broadswords for the "dark days ahead".

    In the middle-east, however, the atmosphere on the street remains the same.

    "This is all about stereotypes," one Muslim cleric told Brainsnap, pausing between molotov cocktails near the burned-out ruins of a pastry shop that had been, it is alleged, selling apple danishes. "We refuse to be stereotyped as violent, and I speak on behalf of every Muslim in the world because I'm somehow certain every Muslim agrees with me, we all being so alike and everything. Now, in regard to this handful of cartoonists in Northern Europe... Clearly, innocent blood must be spilt before they realise that we should not be falsely represented."

    Finally, a videotape aired by Al-Jazeera hours ago showed a man, believed to be Osama Bin Laden, angrily berating two men holding Kalashnikovs. "All I wanted was an idea that would provoke a reaction. You come up with this crazy idea with a lot of planes and impossible timing but none of you predicted that we would be unable to redeem the frequent flier points.

    "And I'm pretty sure none of you idiots said 'hire a cartoonist'. Maybe they're right - maybe violence isn't the best best way to start this jihad?"
  2. saltydog452

    saltydog452 Member

    Aug 1, 2004
    Wish that I had one of those keyboards that you could rinse off in the sink...

    Peter, I needed a laugh this morning. Thanks.

  3. 1 old 0311

    1 old 0311 member

    Jun 26, 2005
    Planet Earth
  4. gc70

    gc70 Member

    Dec 22, 2004
    North Carolina
    waaaaay too funny :D

    Thanks, Preacherman.
  5. Sindawe

    Sindawe Member

    Dec 26, 2002
    Outside The People's Republic of Boulder, CO
    The Norsemen are gonna tour again?

    KEWL BEANS!!! I missed their last World Tour, but one of my ancestors did get this killer tunic.


    Thanks Preacherman! :D :D
  6. Manedwolf

    Manedwolf member

    Nov 10, 2005
    New Hampshire
    Awesome. :D

    And yeah, that definitely does hold true. If you're going to annoy a culture, DO NOT annoy a culture whose ancestors were tough enough to have crossed the North Atlantic in open rowboats and who had a sort of duel that translates as "going out to the island" (with the implication that only one party was returning). :eek:
  7. El Tejon

    El Tejon Member

    Dec 24, 2002
    Lafayette, Indiana-the Ned Flanders neighbor to Il
    Oh, great, more blonde chicks with spears. Hey, wait a minute, blonde chicks with spears!:D
  8. rero360

    rero360 Member

    Nov 15, 2005
    Fredonia, NY
    ah, nothing like a bunch of berserkers to make things interesting.
  9. Typhoon

    Typhoon Member

    Oct 2, 2003
    Los Angeles
  10. Don Gwinn

    Don Gwinn Moderator Emeritus

    Dec 21, 2002
    Virden, IL
    No one is safe from the Off Topic Lock!
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