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The LawDog Files, part 1

Discussion in 'General Gun Discussions' started by LawDog, Jan 10, 2006.

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  1. LawDog

    LawDog Moderator Emeritus cum Laude

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    A big part of the Sheriff's "Work smarter, not harder" philosophy involved the fine art of misdirection -- if a subject was so confused that he wasn't per-zackly sure which way was up, then he/she/it/they probably wouldn't be causing the sorts of problems which require extra paperwork. Or ER trips. Depositions. Lawsuits. That kind of thing.

    Which brings us to the Pink Gorilla Suit.

    *sigh*

    Tucked not-far-enough in the back of the evidence closet was a costume that the S.O. had picked up from somewhere. As the name suggests, this was a gorilla costume, mostly pink.

    Now, when I say pink, I don't think y'all quite understand the depth of pinkness we are contemplating here: It was pink, pink. Neon pink. Flourescent pink. A pink not found anywhere in nature. A pink that, in and of itself, constituted a radiation hazard. A shade of pink which, after a single glimpse, would cause the most flamboyant Mardi Gras costumer to protest that things had gone too far.

    Pink.

    Now, bad as this mental picture is, the long-ago insane designer of this suit had apparently decided that having only one eye-searing shade was simply too boring, so this poor unfortunate had added spats, gloves, cuffs, a bow-tie and a top hat.

    All very natty, and all very mauve.

    We will now pause to give the Gentle Reader enough time to fully digest the Sheer Awfulness that was the Pink Gorilla Suit.

    Yeah.

    Anyhoo, we had gotten a search warrant. Apparently our Usual Suspects had graduated to Methamphetamine, Distribution Of; and had stashed a functioning meth lab inside a garage apartment out behind the house of, and belonging to, the grandparents of Usual Suspect #3.

    Our pre-warrant briefing consisted of The Sheriff reminding us of some of the knottier problems associated with executing a search warrant on a meth lab (most of which seem to involve uncontrolled high-speed random disassembly of various items and/or people) and finishing off with a reminder that the Standard Obscenity Procedure for this sort of thing was to distract the critters long enough for officers to secure the scene without any of what the Sheriff referred to as "fuss and bother."

    That's when the Chief Deputy handed me the box containing the Pink Gorilla Suit.

    *sigh*

    There I was, sulking down the street in front of God and everybody, wearing a neon-pink-gorilla-suit-with-mauve-accoutrements over jeans, armour and a pistol, with a search warrant tucked securely in my sleeve, and the Sheriff's exhortations to "Be distracting" ringing in my ears.

    LawDog
     
  2. sm

    sm member

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    YEAH! Go Get 'em Dawg!

    :D :D
     
  3. Lupinus

    Lupinus Member

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    We need to change your name now :neener:

    Thats just hilarious, your tax dollars at work!
     
  4. Biker

    Biker Member

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    Hah hah! Now *that* is funny! How did it play out?
    Biker:)
     
  5. usp_fan

    usp_fan Member

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    I needed a good laugh today. Thanks!

    --usp_fan
     
  6. 4570Rick

    4570Rick Member

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    That is the funniest damn thing I've read since I can't remember when. Lord, my ribs hurt and tears are streaming down my cheeks. I feel for you. Oh the humiliation. This will go down as one of the clasics in The LawDog Files. :D
     
  7. Larry Ashcraft

    Larry Ashcraft Moderator Staff Member

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    Sadie and Lola say, MORE! Sadie likes pink!

    [​IMG]

    Thank you, sir!
     
  8. Alex45ACP

    Alex45ACP Member

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    LOL

    That reminds me of the opening scene from US Marshals.

    Makes me wonder why SWAT teams don't wear pink gorilla suits instead of the black ninja tacti-cool gear :D
     
  9. Old Fuff

    Old Fuff Member

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    What I want to know is did any good citizen going down the road spot ya' and call 911... :neener:
     
  10. Lupinus

    Lupinus Member

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    we want pictures :D
     
  11. P95Carry

    P95Carry Moderator Emeritus

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    Lovely pic Larry :)

    Lawdogs tales are among the best therapy for any cases of the blues :D
     
  12. Lupinus

    Lupinus Member

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    Guess a drive by got a snapshot-

    [​IMG]
     
  13. ACP230

    ACP230 Member

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    Please Sir, may I have more?


    There has to be more to the story!
     
  14. trickyasafox

    trickyasafox Member

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    its settled. im going into law enforcement, i shall not let a man walk down a street alone in a pink gorilla suit, nay i will stand beside him in a purple kangaroo suit
     
  15. G36-UK

    G36-UK Member

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    Did this actually happen?

    I'm not trying to be offensive, just that this is the kind of thing that has to be seen to be believed. Kind of like when a stoner pal claimed he could walk down the street with his jeans on fire.

    I'll never forget the look on people's faces, especially with the line:

    "It's hot today, isn't it?"
     
  16. Janitor

    Janitor Senior Member

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    My god I wish I could have seen that!
    -
     
  17. HankB

    HankB Member

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    If some guy dressed in a neon pink gorilla suit - with purple accessories - began pounding on my door while screaming "Police Officer! Search Warrant! Open Up!" . . . I don't know that I'd believe him.
     
  18. Lupinus

    Lupinus Member

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    I don't think I'd be able to open the door. I would be to busy on the floor laughing.
     
  19. Zundfolge

    Zundfolge Member

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    I guess this is a better way to fight the WOD than No-Knock warrants ... although I'm not sure what frightens me more.


    I hope the pink is a tactical pink :p
     
  20. scout26

    scout26 Member

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    Can't......see......to......type......can't.......breathe.....Lord help me it hurts......I can't stop laughing.........
     
  21. foghornl

    foghornl Member

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    The closest thing I can imagine from LawDog's description is the Pink Bunny Pajamas that Ralphie got from one of his relatives in the movie "A Christmas Story".

    Something about a pink nightmare, and a deranged Easter Bunny....




    p.s. It took me 20 minutes to type this....I was laughing so hard I was crying, while rolling on the floor.

    p.p.s. Next time, have the High Sheriff model it.....
     
  22. sturmruger

    sturmruger Member

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    Lawdog that had to be a sight to see!!

    Next time you are at the range you should probably put on the Gorilla suit and make sure you can still hit your target with the mask and those tiny little eye slits. Did you do something to piss off the Sherrif or is this a rotating duty assignment??
     
  23. NMshooter

    NMshooter Member

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    :D

    Please, by all means do not hold out on us any longer.

    Post part 2!
     
  24. Fred Fuller

    Fred Fuller Moderator Emeritus

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    LawDog, you sir are a genuinely brave man.

    lpl/nc
     
  25. sm

    sm member

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    Obligatory Warning So Dave McC don't spew his coffee

    I am surprised, shocked, bumfuzzled and...
    ...THR has folks that just have to have tactical jeans, tactical gun belts, tactical knives, tactical boots...tactical shotguns...

    Here we have a Seasoned Professional Officer of the Law Sharing Strategy & Tactics...

    ...and not one THR person has Aped this well respected Officer.
     
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