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Want to bring a friend to the range, but his Mom won't let him. Any advice for me?

Discussion in 'General Gun Discussions' started by Roc_Kor, May 12, 2004.

?

What should I do?

  1. Leave the subject alone.

    32 vote(s)
    52.5%
  2. Talk with his Mom about it some more.

    29 vote(s)
    47.5%
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  1. Roc_Kor

    Roc_Kor Member

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    I keep asking my friend if he wants to go to the range. He says yes, he would like to go very much. (especially when I get my SAR-1/WASR-10 ;) )

    The problem is his mother(he's 14, I'm 15) won't let him go. I said, "Ok, maybe next time." And she says, "No, never." I said, "May I ask why not?" And she says, "Because I don't like guns."

    He's my best friend and I'd really want to share my hobby with him. She also knows that this is my hobby. She insisted that we go paintballing, but that's not my hobby, shooting is. Neither of us are bad kids, so there is little chance of us doing bad things. We're both pretty good students and can be trusted.

    What should I do? I don't mind leaving her and the subject alone, but shooting is my life and my only hobby (other than computers and video games, but my friend also knows plenty of that). If I should talk with her more about it, how should I go about doing it? It really upsets me that she doesn't want her son to learn to shoot just because she hates them herself.

    Please help!:uhoh: :confused: :( :cuss:
     
  2. telewinz

    telewinz Member

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    Invite the Mom too!
     
  3. SodiumBenzoate

    SodiumBenzoate Member

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  4. GigaBuist

    GigaBuist Member

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    I'd just leave it alone... but whenver she asks what you've been up to it sure wouldn't hurt to drop in as many references to shooting as possible. Hey, she asked! "Not much, went to range Saturday and put a few hundred rounds down. No holes in me, no holes in anybody else, pretty good day."

    It seems to work.
     
  5. NavajoNPaleFace

    NavajoNPaleFace Member

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    Leave it alone.

    Considering your ages I think the mom has every right to decide and dictate what her minor son does and does not do.

    Personally, the range I use won't let people your ages in/on without direct adult supervision and for good reasons.

    There is a logical reason why most states have laws regarding minimum hunting ages, minimum gun and ammo purchse age, etc.

    I'm not saying you two are not mature enough to be responsible but I've seen far more less responsible, at your ages, than responsible.

    Sorry if that offends you but I'm just being straight-up and honest.

    Although I profess the need to educate the non-gunners there is only so much oyu can do with her.

    If you push it on her she's going to resist every greater but if you two go out on your own then that is something you decide.

    But, here is something to think of: It's twenty years from now and YOU now have a son that is fifteen. Would you want parental respect in being able to say what you want?.....or be in a position where the kid does something you are against?
     
  6. Roadkill

    Roadkill Member

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    Want to bring a friend to the range, but his Mom

    Leave it alone. I'm a high school JROTC Instructor, deal with lots of kids, one family invited me to deer/coyote hunt on their substantial property, son is in program, was raised with guns, since I've gone hunting with him several times always with parents knowledge. Another good kid wants to go shooting sometimes,
    I told him he can go when his father is there beside him. He knows where to find me. Father has not yet thought it necessary. As you get older you learn to handle the gun part of your life like politics and religion. Just because they don't see it your way does not make them an instant enemy unless they try to push their views on you nor should you push your views on them.

    rk
     
  7. Henry Bowman

    Henry Bowman Senior Member

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    Does either of your parents have any relationship with his parent(s)? Why not ask, "Would you mind if my Mom/Dad talks with you about it?" And then they, too, should be very respectful of her wishes as well as reassuring of the supervision that you both would receive. This level of supervision may be much greater than it would be of you alone if you friend weren't there. That's the price you pay. If that doesn't work, leave it alone but continue to be a good friend and influence on you friend and a good example to his Mom.
     
  8. Zundfolge

    Zundfolge Member

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    Leave it alone for...at least 4 years.


    Give your buddy all the data and information and let him work on her ... you working on her will probably only piss her off and harden her resolve.
     
  9. Roc_Kor

    Roc_Kor Member

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    Well, I could ask my Dad (who takes me to the range and would be supervising and teaching) to talk to her, but he'd probably say no becase he doesn't like getting into other people's business sometimes. I'm fine with not saying anything, but I wish she'd just let him go once to see if either of them like it.

    (Anywhoo, I might just get some dry fire rounds for my AK and show him how to shoot it in my garage! :D That's not Going to the range :rolleyes: )

    Zundfolge, he doesn't like to argue with his mom cause she's usually right. I don't think he'd argue on something like this anyway.
     
  10. 2nd Amendment

    2nd Amendment member

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    Another comment, in my view, on how things have changed. At that age we'd have never thought to ask a kid's mom if he could go shooting. We wouldn't have needed a range. Nobody cared if we packed through town enough stuff strapped to our bikes to start a small jungle war. Nobody asked our ages when we bought ammo. if there were any laws, and I'm sure there might have been, regarding ages and supervision nobody cared or bothered to enforce them.

    And yet every single one of us made it home every single night without a single extra hole. This only 25 years ago. Funny how guns have gotten more dangerous, kids have gotten more stupid/violent/untrustworthy/niave/pick an excuse...

    Leave it alone. It's really the only choice. Sad, sad commentary on things today, though.
     
  11. Roc_Kor

    Roc_Kor Member

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    I guess I might leave it alone (unless anyone can give me a reason not to).

    But, I also fear for their safety. A mother and child unarmed living alone in not too dangerous a neighborhood, but there is much more gang activity over there than where I live. His friend was beat up while saving another kid from a gang assault. Knowing that my Dad packs some heat upstairs makes me feel relieved. And when he's gone on business, I feel scared, because I don't know the combination to the safe. I guess maybe that's my problem...
     
  12. OF

    OF Member

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    You're both minors, it's his Mom's call. Tough one, I know, but thems the breaks.

    - Gabe
     
  13. Sunray

    Sunray Member

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    "...she's usually right..." Yep, and it doesn't matter how old you get or what you've done with your life, your ma will always see you as her baby. Until the day I found her body, mine always thought I couldn't do anything. Always made the wrong decisions and would never amount to much. Despite the Queen's Commission, owning wheels I paid for, cooking meals for her on occasion, etc, etc.
    Relax. You don't live there. Your da takes you shooting and in a few years, you can take your buddy shooting too. Meantime, don't do anything that'll get either of you in do-do with his ma. Including playing with the rifle in the garage. All it takes is a nosy neighbour to call the cops after seeing two kids with a gun. She'll just say, "I told you so."
     
  14. Fred Fuller

    Fred Fuller Moderator Emeritus

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    Tough one. IMHO about the only options you have are 'leave it alone' and HBowman's approach at the very outside. If none of the 'grownups' want to talk about it, then the ONLY choice you have is to leave it alone.

    Sneaking around to do things his mother doesn't like him doing (which might even include dry-firing in your garage, BTW) does not demonstrate maturity and responsibility, even though it is the "teen rebelliousness" thing to do. Like it or not, you are still a minor and someone else is responsible for your actions. If you need a demonstration, try buying anything on your list (legally) by yourself. Heck, even TRYING to do that these days might be a felony, on second thought better not even try it.

    I'm sorry, I really am. I wish it wasn't that way for you, it wasn't for me when I was growing up. I used to drive to high school with a shotgun hanging in the pickup's gun rack. Nobody ever even blinked.

    You are so lucky to have a dad who is a shooter and is willing to share that with you, many young people today don't even have that. My last range session was with 11 college students (3 other instructors too, thankfully) and only ONE had ever actually been shooting before.

    As to worrying about their safety, that's an adult responsibility as well. If your friend's mom won't take responsibility for that, then you for certain can't. It is good of you to have thought about it and be concerned about it, but there is very little you can actually do about it. Once again, if the adults won't TALK about it, you can DO very little about it.

    Stay safe,

    lpl/nc
     
  15. antsi

    antsi Member

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    She is wrong, but she is his mom and he's a kid and that is the end of the argument.

    Do NOT try to bend the rules or sneak around her restrictions - like dry-firing in the garage. That is most likely to cause trouble and entrench her attitudes even further.

    The best way you can convince her that you are responsible enough to handle firearms is to be 100% responsible and abide by the rules in every other way. That may - eventually - open her eyes about gun owners and responsibility.
     
  16. hksw

    hksw Member

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    IMO, since he is not of legal age, his mom has the final say, ideologically right or wrong.

    Your dad could convey to your friend's mom his concern for his safety. He could say he would like to teach your friend safe gun handling skills in the event he ever comes across one without adult supervision. It would be tragic ifhe happened upon a loaded firearm and harmed himself and/or others because he did not know the proper safe procedures that would prevent such accidents (negligence).
     
  17. BryanP

    BryanP Member

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    As long as he is still a minor and lives at home, it's a clear-cut case of "her house, her rules." Leave it alone.

    When you're both 18, then it's another story. Even then she has the right to make rules if he chooses to continue living with her. I did not own a firearm - indeed never handled one - until I left home. Similar reasons.
     
  18. Roc_Kor

    Roc_Kor Member

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    Yeah, I know. The only thing I plan to do is let him hold the AK. I do want to teach him how to clear a gun, and even said that in front of his Mom. We'll see how this plays out, and when we're both 18, go shooting and show his mom his target scores. :evil:
     
  19. Barbara

    Barbara Member

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    Ask if he can take a hunter's safety class with you.

    Better yet, ask her if she'd take the class with the two of you.
     
  20. jamz

    jamz Member

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    Hmmm. I dunno about leaving it alone.

    I would definitely NOT go behind the mom's back, but I would absolutely go back to her, framing it by saying "I'd like to know that [insert friend's name here] is SAFE with guns. After all, I am a responsible, safe gun owner, but what if he goes to another friend's or aquantances house who is not a responsible and safe gun owner? You can't guarantee that everyne will be open about gun ownership, especially if they have the old .38 hidden in the drawer."

    My .02. Good luck, it's the same argument I'm having with my wife.

    -James
     
  21. BHPshooter

    BHPshooter Member

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    While I voted to keep trying, I'm questioning my choice.

    It it were me, I'd leave it alone for a while.

    If there is a good time that you can have a nice calm conversation about it, then do it... but study up on tact in these kinds of conversations. THR is full of it.

    Wes
     
  22. Baba Louie

    Baba Louie Member

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    Drop the firearm aspect for now.

    Pick up the paintball marker, practice the exact same rules even when everyone's geared up w/ safety equipment... I'll probably take some heat for that from some since I've played paintball for years until my son decided my paintball marker was his... games are a hoot, even if you have to aim at someone and pull a trigger (I KNOW!)

    You can practice and shoot in the backyard right there with his mom present, showing her how safe and responsible you and friend are, invite her to join you (she just might surprise you)... politics of gun ownership covers many things. Safety and Responsible actions being first and foremost.

    I know you said you're not into paintball. Is he? Meet people halfway. The world is full of compromises (except HK). Don't shut him out of a part of your life because you're too stubborn to bend. Join him in something that's darned close, fun and allowed by his parental unit.

    But be safe and responsible.

    Try it. You'll probably like it.

    Make sure you clean up any backyard messes too. She'll love you for that and the fact that you're abiding by her wishes.
     
  23. Roc_Kor

    Roc_Kor Member

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    Um... No, neither of us play paintball, nor really want to.

    And someone suggested taking her to the range: Not happening.
    Hunting Classes: Not happening (She's a vegetarian, so killing animals she doesn't fancy)
    Shooting Classes: Not happening. She doesn't want him around guns no matter f*cking what.
    I can't get him to do anything with guns until I can persuade her. She's like 100% on this. Gah. I like, never see him either. I live 15 minutes away and I see him once every 2 weeks, if I'm lucky. I want to hang out with him more, and taking him to the range would really help.

    Now... if I asked his DAD, however, he'd probably say yes, because I do believe that he let his son shoot a rifle on his property. Only problem is, his parents are divorced and his dad lives in FLORIDA. Gah.


    Someone ELSE said to shoot in the back yard. They live in a townhouse. I live in a house that's not even 10 yards away from the next home. I don't think we could do that without freaking people out/getting arrested.
     
  24. Gunsnrovers

    Gunsnrovers Member

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    leave it alone

    This fight is your friends, not yours. Your friend can work on his mom. Perhaps ask his mom to speak to your parents. Regardless, this is his battle to fight.

    If I find anyone of my sons friends trying to get him to do something I have forbidden, there will be hell to pay in my household. You're both minors. Sorry, but you don't get to make up your own rules yet.

    Doesn't mean mom is right. Doesn't mean it's fair. It does mean it's her house, her son, and her rules.

    Just my $0.02.

    Jeff
     
  25. Baba Louie

    Baba Louie Member

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    Rats.
    Does he have access online to places such as this? Or would he get nixed by parental unit for doing so? It's a form of communication and is firearm related. It's not called "Oleg Volk's BBS on GUNS GUNS GUNS" if anyone looks at his computer history now and then. Simply The High Road.Org, a place where politics, law(s) and current events are always discussed and held in high esteem.

    When I was your age guns were good, but I'd have to say that members of the female persuasion and cars took a higher ranking... of course we didn't have the Internet as Al Gore hadn't invented it yet and I had access to all the firearms I wanted and all of my friends were allowed to go shooting with my Dad and I whenever we wanted because their FATHERS went with us. Whazzup with his Dad? Is that a path of remote possibility?

    If not, it's tough noogies it looks like. Stick with girls and cars (oh... and school) and maybe his Mom will be a happy camper. She sounds like a bit of a hoplophobic control freak to me, but some Mom's are like that (and sometimes its necessary and good). Think of it as good practice for dealing with anti's in the future. Keep it logical and always take THR. Even if that means changing the subject matter when ya gotta deflect authoritarian heat.
     
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