Welcome Back, Mr. Nightcrawler
- Thread starter Nightcrawler
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oldfart
Member
Second that, Junyo. I don't even pick up anything by Clive Cussler anymore, let alone read it.
Nightcrawler, I've managed to sell a few stories over the years. I'm glad I didn't give up my day job, but it gave me the 'experience' of getting lots of rejection slips and a few acceptance letters. At one time I could have papered of my den with rejection slips but I was too stupid to give up so I finally sold a few things.
We get used to knowing people by their screen names with little else to identify them or to differentiate them from all the others. I've found that many posters here and on other boards are pretty savvy individuals and well qualified to judge the caliber of a written piece, after all, their written words are about all we have to judge anybody by.
You're a security guard now. Want to be a security guard all your life? No? Well, you're a good writer, so clean this manuscript up a bit (not a lot, it'll NEVER be as good as you think it should be) and send it off to a publisher. You might like the results.
Nightcrawler, I've managed to sell a few stories over the years. I'm glad I didn't give up my day job, but it gave me the 'experience' of getting lots of rejection slips and a few acceptance letters. At one time I could have papered of my den with rejection slips but I was too stupid to give up so I finally sold a few things.
We get used to knowing people by their screen names with little else to identify them or to differentiate them from all the others. I've found that many posters here and on other boards are pretty savvy individuals and well qualified to judge the caliber of a written piece, after all, their written words are about all we have to judge anybody by.
You're a security guard now. Want to be a security guard all your life? No? Well, you're a good writer, so clean this manuscript up a bit (not a lot, it'll NEVER be as good as you think it should be) and send it off to a publisher. You might like the results.
10 Ring Tao
Member
NC =
qlajlu
Member
Nightcrawler, I have to agree with oldfart...God I love that name, anyway...where was I...oh, yeah, I have to agree that you are your own worst critic and if you were not, I, for one, would be disappointed. You display all the qualities of an artist, including the rants, and you have a way with words. I would like to write, but I just don't have the imagination and I hate you for that...well, Correia, too,...but I will do everything I can to encourage you to try your hand in the printed world.oldfart said:
Correia, I really want a copy of your Monster Hunter International when it hits the stands. Please let us know. I might even convince this tired, fat, old, partially-disabled body to go to your business and get a copy with an autograph!
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sm
member
Kritique by Kids
...Chuckle...snicker...GIGGLE...pointing fingers ....little hands in animation...moms shaking heads...dishtowel being thrown at me...dawgs barking...
'Crawler & Correia. I have been chosen as the "Adopted Uncle" and all to share
Kritique by Kids, yes I spelled that wrong, one reason "giggle britches" darn near peed herself.
Kids and Parents really enjoyed this work, they extend hearfelt appreciation and wish you both the best in publishing in the future.
*ahem* that mushy stuff out of the way...
-They did not put the yellow Mustang in the story.
-No lever actions, and no Pink Crickets.
-No mention of fried catfish, bunch of Chinese food all the time tho'...
-NASCAR was not mentioned.
-Reaper guy needs shotgun lessons, he needs to learn correct stuff with a 28 ga
D that's my girl!)
-I bet Sarah did not have to go shopping with grandma for a stupid dress...
-There was no dogs in the story, they need a dog in the next one.
-At least the mutant ninja zombies didn't show up <laughter>
-They would have creamed them but good! < more laughter>
-I bet Lorenzo and Jill get married
-They still should of had a yellow Mustang in the story...
-Its a cool story when Pink Floyd is being played and you read it...
-Lorenzo and Jill need a dog and Lorenzo needs to buy Jill a yellow Mustang...
Seeing Corriea in a bowling shirt
-Does he wear bowling shoes too?
-I bet if jumped on his bed, he would break it.
-He does not have any lever guns, Pink Crickets, single shot shotguns or .22's on the wall...he needs some.
-Is he old, he is bald, I thought he was younger than you ?[me]
-Mom, he is cute.
[informs kiddo Corriea is married]
-Nevermind mom [ mom shakes head]
-Okay, that was really cool and all, but when they going to do another one?
<kids wave, in unison>
"Thank you!"
...Chuckle...snicker...GIGGLE...pointing fingers ....little hands in animation...moms shaking heads...dishtowel being thrown at me...dawgs barking...
'Crawler & Correia. I have been chosen as the "Adopted Uncle" and all to share
Kritique by Kids, yes I spelled that wrong, one reason "giggle britches" darn near peed herself.
Kids and Parents really enjoyed this work, they extend hearfelt appreciation and wish you both the best in publishing in the future.
*ahem* that mushy stuff out of the way...
-They did not put the yellow Mustang in the story.
-No lever actions, and no Pink Crickets.
-No mention of fried catfish, bunch of Chinese food all the time tho'...
-NASCAR was not mentioned.
-Reaper guy needs shotgun lessons, he needs to learn correct stuff with a 28 ga
D that's my girl!)-I bet Sarah did not have to go shopping with grandma for a stupid dress...
-There was no dogs in the story, they need a dog in the next one.
-At least the mutant ninja zombies didn't show up <laughter>
-They would have creamed them but good! < more laughter>
-I bet Lorenzo and Jill get married
-They still should of had a yellow Mustang in the story...
-Its a cool story when Pink Floyd is being played and you read it...
-Lorenzo and Jill need a dog and Lorenzo needs to buy Jill a yellow Mustang...
Seeing Corriea in a bowling shirt
-Does he wear bowling shoes too?
-I bet if jumped on his bed, he would break it.
-He does not have any lever guns, Pink Crickets, single shot shotguns or .22's on the wall...he needs some.
-Is he old, he is bald, I thought he was younger than you ?[me]
-Mom, he is cute.
[informs kiddo Corriea is married]
-Nevermind mom [ mom shakes head]
-Okay, that was really cool and all, but when they going to do another one?
<kids wave, in unison>
"Thank you!"
Jayman
Member
Whomever mentioned John Ringo and GHOST, he actually told me to NOT buy it, and now it is one of his better selling books...
Put it all together and submit it. Editors are there for continuity and plot holes, and then they send it to a line editor who unscrews your spelling and grammar. If the foundation is solid, none of that crap matters.
Put it all together and submit it. Editors are there for continuity and plot holes, and then they send it to a line editor who unscrews your spelling and grammar. If the foundation is solid, none of that crap matters.
Nightcrawler
Member
SM, I'm still shocked that young girls find this story the least bit interesting.
As for the rest...well, sorry. I can't even verbalize my dislike of catfish...
How, precisely, did they react to the anticlimactic ending where our protaganist lands in a federal slammer?
As for the rest...well, sorry. I can't even verbalize my dislike of catfish...
How, precisely, did they react to the anticlimactic ending where our protaganist lands in a federal slammer?
sm
member
'Crawler
Well the way it was explained to me was
Good Girls like bad boys, and bad boys don't say no
Moms go when little girls and boys look at adults and ask isn't that right? The moms then go 
These are great kids, I am serious. They read, they want to look stuff up either on the Internet, or - better sit down for this - Library.
Example:
All this talk of why folks do drugs and make Meth for example. Kids hear, read news and all, they ask good questions and, quality time is spent with adults to find out.
One source suggested many young folks, as a show of rebellion get in with the wrong crowd. Girls were said to get with bad boys because they wanted attention, get back at parents, and some girls abused/ incest felt dirty and been "prostituted" out and so they continue these behaviors.
These kids are good kids, not into gaming, not into watching a lot of TV, and would rather watch a movie on DVD and use the savings from renting a movie, instead of going to a theatre to have a treat, Pizza or "girls and chocolate night".
This story?
To go a bit further into this, kids hear all the negative stuff about guns, hunting, and all this stuff the Gov't messes with.
They are learning to find out for themselves about things to make an informed decision.
I was up front with the parents, especially the single moms and girls. Some are young so I read the story and left out all the language, and the details of a make model and gun. Pulled a handgun...used a shotgun...rifle for that shot...etc. I tried to keep it at thier level and not get so into the "stuff" but the story.
Understand, some have had a hard past. Maybe some domestic abuse, the kid batted out of the way so a fist could find mom's face.
Stalked, and home busted into...
These folks know some realities many adults here do not know about. For instance in S&T when folks talk about taking a UlitimateBlaster to clear a house all by themselves.
Kids are sharing:
"Well that is stupid, that is what Police are for, I am to run to my room or another safe spot , and I have a TracPhone to call the Police direct for help. I got the numbers on the phone".
One shared how she and mom ran out the back door to a neighbors, BG was breaking the front door down, or trying to.
Lorenzo on fire: "Stop, Drop, and Roll" was shared.
Why Jill did not run out the back at the diner when the BGs came in? Two theories from the kids.
1. she did and was caught there running out and exit alarm gave her away.
2 afraid the alarm on exit would give her away as she thought she could run out the front.
With parent's permisson, we let the kids run with the story. Did they care or understand about some of the equipment? No. Over their heads, heck I do not keep up with some of this, and I told them so.
Kids liked reading stuff written by Reponsible Firearm Owners, 'Crawler & Correia. They like what THR and TFL and sister sites represent, they got a kick out of the story, they get a kick out of seeing the pictures folks share of various activities, and seeing Oleg's posters.
Sometimes they do not understand Oleg's posters. So we break it down, maybe read about the event he is referring to.
I do not have any kids of my own. I was a stepdad for a bit. My own neices and nephews , I cannot do these Pro-Gun things with.
I choose whom is in my circle of friends, I have earned the trust of these single moms, parents, grandparents and kids. I am the "adopted uncle".
The guy that sired me, did not parent me. I , being the eldest of 4 sibs, was the eldest male of the house.
My Mentors and Elders, "adopted aunts and uncles" different races, belief systems, and you name it, allowed me to bug the fire out of them to get what they had that I wanted.
I am passing forward as passed to me. My Mentors and Elders read me stories, helped me to read things over my head, to look things up, to get answers and to understand.
I and the mom were kinda sorta in a time schedule hurry , but we stopped at a Waffle House.
Jill got nabbed, young lady wanted "check it out". In her mind, Jill was in a Waffle house type place.
Mom and daughter really do not have to use restroom, instead "checking it out".
Young lady was in deep thought, we had driven around the bldg.
She sketched out the layout best she could recall, mom added some details.
"Waffle House needs a heavy metal door "there" [a room for storage, straight shot from register] and with a good lock, a cell phone in case phones are out, and she could have locked herself in".
"'What about a gun hidden?"
"Well yeah, but guns are not the answer to everything".
Later , with more time we chatted about Waffle Houses, best place to sit, if achoice,and what to do if trouble showed up.
My Mentors let me "run with it". My Mentors passed forward.
This story I / we used as a passing forward tool, and learned some about the kind of folks these kids are and want to continue to be a part of.
Our Future.
Thanks.
Steve
Well the way it was explained to me was
Good Girls like bad boys, and bad boys don't say no
Moms go
when little girls and boys look at adults and ask isn't that right? The moms then go These are great kids, I am serious. They read, they want to look stuff up either on the Internet, or - better sit down for this - Library.
Example:
All this talk of why folks do drugs and make Meth for example. Kids hear, read news and all, they ask good questions and, quality time is spent with adults to find out.
One source suggested many young folks, as a show of rebellion get in with the wrong crowd. Girls were said to get with bad boys because they wanted attention, get back at parents, and some girls abused/ incest felt dirty and been "prostituted" out and so they continue these behaviors.
These kids are good kids, not into gaming, not into watching a lot of TV, and would rather watch a movie on DVD and use the savings from renting a movie, instead of going to a theatre to have a treat, Pizza or "girls and chocolate night".
This story?
To go a bit further into this, kids hear all the negative stuff about guns, hunting, and all this stuff the Gov't messes with.
They are learning to find out for themselves about things to make an informed decision.
I was up front with the parents, especially the single moms and girls. Some are young so I read the story and left out all the language, and the details of a make model and gun. Pulled a handgun...used a shotgun...rifle for that shot...etc. I tried to keep it at thier level and not get so into the "stuff" but the story.
Understand, some have had a hard past. Maybe some domestic abuse, the kid batted out of the way so a fist could find mom's face.
Stalked, and home busted into...
These folks know some realities many adults here do not know about. For instance in S&T when folks talk about taking a UlitimateBlaster to clear a house all by themselves.
Kids are sharing:
"Well that is stupid, that is what Police are for, I am to run to my room or another safe spot , and I have a TracPhone to call the Police direct for help. I got the numbers on the phone".
One shared how she and mom ran out the back door to a neighbors, BG was breaking the front door down, or trying to.
Lorenzo on fire: "Stop, Drop, and Roll" was shared.
Why Jill did not run out the back at the diner when the BGs came in? Two theories from the kids.
1. she did and was caught there running out and exit alarm gave her away.
2 afraid the alarm on exit would give her away as she thought she could run out the front.
With parent's permisson, we let the kids run with the story. Did they care or understand about some of the equipment? No. Over their heads, heck I do not keep up with some of this, and I told them so.
Kids liked reading stuff written by Reponsible Firearm Owners, 'Crawler & Correia. They like what THR and TFL and sister sites represent, they got a kick out of the story, they get a kick out of seeing the pictures folks share of various activities, and seeing Oleg's posters.
Sometimes they do not understand Oleg's posters. So we break it down, maybe read about the event he is referring to.
I do not have any kids of my own. I was a stepdad for a bit. My own neices and nephews , I cannot do these Pro-Gun things with.
I choose whom is in my circle of friends, I have earned the trust of these single moms, parents, grandparents and kids. I am the "adopted uncle".
The guy that sired me, did not parent me. I , being the eldest of 4 sibs, was the eldest male of the house.
My Mentors and Elders, "adopted aunts and uncles" different races, belief systems, and you name it, allowed me to bug the fire out of them to get what they had that I wanted.
I am passing forward as passed to me. My Mentors and Elders read me stories, helped me to read things over my head, to look things up, to get answers and to understand.
I and the mom were kinda sorta in a time schedule hurry , but we stopped at a Waffle House.
Jill got nabbed, young lady wanted "check it out". In her mind, Jill was in a Waffle house type place.
Mom and daughter really do not have to use restroom, instead "checking it out".
Young lady was in deep thought, we had driven around the bldg.
She sketched out the layout best she could recall, mom added some details.
"Waffle House needs a heavy metal door "there" [a room for storage, straight shot from register] and with a good lock, a cell phone in case phones are out, and she could have locked herself in".
"'What about a gun hidden?"
"Well yeah, but guns are not the answer to everything".
Later , with more time we chatted about Waffle Houses, best place to sit, if achoice,and what to do if trouble showed up.
My Mentors let me "run with it". My Mentors passed forward.
This story I / we used as a passing forward tool, and learned some about the kind of folks these kids are and want to continue to be a part of.
Our Future.
Thanks.
Steve
qlajlu
Member
Ya know, Steve, that is one of the best...well, I'm not going to call it a "story" because that lends the wrong connotation...but one of the best "things" I have read about. KUDOS to you! I, for one, think you are doing what we all should do with OUR OWN FAMILIES - preparing them for real life and the threats that come with it.
Those kids you wrote about have already experienced real life in all of its morbid glory, but you are teaching them how to deal with it. That is great.
You can find good teaching tools in some of the strangest places.
Amazing...simply amazing.
Those kids you wrote about have already experienced real life in all of its morbid glory, but you are teaching them how to deal with it. That is great.
You can find good teaching tools in some of the strangest places.
Amazing...simply amazing.
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rwc
Member
Kudos to all.
Nightcrawler
Member
SM
Well, I'm both flattered and gratified that somebody found a use for this greater than short bouts of entertainment. Unexpected, too, but always nice to hear.
How did they react to the ending? There was nice contrast, I guess. NC, the "good guy", ends up in prison, but Lorenzo, the theif, ends up getting the girl and wealthy beyond belief. Probably seemed like kind of a let-down to the kids.
But...did they understand why it was so important for NC that he didn't kill Gordon?
Well, I'm both flattered and gratified that somebody found a use for this greater than short bouts of entertainment. Unexpected, too, but always nice to hear.
How did they react to the ending? There was nice contrast, I guess. NC, the "good guy", ends up in prison, but Lorenzo, the theif, ends up getting the girl and wealthy beyond belief. Probably seemed like kind of a let-down to the kids.
But...did they understand why it was so important for NC that he didn't kill Gordon?
qlajlu
Member
sm, I have a p.s. for you!
Steve, keep teaching those kids how to "case" a place for "security" reasons. Lord knows that our Dept. of Homeland Security could use some real professionals - and I don't mean the airports (they are so screwed up in the airports that I don't think they will ever get straightened out!).
Steve, keep teaching those kids how to "case" a place for "security" reasons. Lord knows that our Dept. of Homeland Security could use some real professionals - and I don't mean the airports (they are so screwed up in the airports that I don't think they will ever get straightened out!).
bigj8550
Member
wonderful story. I enjoyed it very much. I have posted here before but Honestly never knew of the story until cajunbass posted it on another forum. KUDOS to you nightcrawler and to correia. Please sign me up for a compiled email version please.
Thanks
Thanks
Is this you guys, too? Looks eerily similar:
http://www.gamerebels.com/game/1860/Ray-3.html (NSFW)
edited to add: Sorry if link is a dupe
http://www.gamerebels.com/game/1860/Ray-3.html (NSFW)
edited to add: Sorry if link is a dupe
Nightcrawler
Member
preview
Here's a preview of what's coming. I am working on the updated versions of the two stories.
A lot of you guys haven't read the first story, so here's a little blurb from it to whet your respective whistles.
If you haven't read it, I pray you do not look up the original thread and give it away. My completed version is going to be a lot better.
Here's a preview of what's coming. I am working on the updated versions of the two stories.
A lot of you guys haven't read the first story, so here's a little blurb from it to whet your respective whistles.
If you haven't read it, I pray you do not look up the original thread and give it away. My completed version is going to be a lot better.
qlajlu
Member
Oh boy, oh boy...We're gonna be back in business...
WHA-HOO!
WHA-HOO!
2TransAms
Member
Yeeeeeeeeeah boy! I've read the originals...is this gonna be like when Spielberg re-released the Star Wars trilogy?
Uh oh. My brain seems to be in neutral. Are these clips from previous stories, not "Welcome Back, Mr. Nightcrawler"? And if so, you're asking me NOT to look up the originals and just wait for the new version?
BTW, I second the emotion:
YIPEEEEEE WE'RE BACK IN BUSINESS!!!!!
Springmom
BTW, I second the emotion:
YIPEEEEEE WE'RE BACK IN BUSINESS!!!!!
Springmom
spring mom they are from " So there i was again" , that along with "tales from the road" (?, a story that went nowhere if i remember" and another story are some of NC older works. id wait for the new verision to come out. probibly a smoother read
Nightcrawler
Member
The quips posted above are from my original story, written way back in 2004. It takes place over about two weeks in February of 2004, roughly, whereas the later story takes place between July of 2004 and probably August of 2005.
The next new story that I'm going to write will take place in 1999-2001, detailing how the protaganist got his start and how his life got so messed up. A lot of things alluded to in the later story (in coversations with Melinda Prescott, specifically) will be explained in detail.
As before, if anyone's interested in the deluxe, digitally remastered, I-totally-cleaned-up-the-potholes version of the first two stories, PM me with your email address and I'll send it to you as a .zip file when I'm finished. It's going to take me awhile, mind you. I work less hours now, but I'm trying to develop what could charitably be called a "social life", so I'm not going to spend every weekend writing.
But, I want it to be well-polished when I send it out. I'm sure you'll all appreciate the results.
The next new story that I'm going to write will take place in 1999-2001, detailing how the protaganist got his start and how his life got so messed up. A lot of things alluded to in the later story (in coversations with Melinda Prescott, specifically) will be explained in detail.
As before, if anyone's interested in the deluxe, digitally remastered, I-totally-cleaned-up-the-potholes version of the first two stories, PM me with your email address and I'll send it to you as a .zip file when I'm finished. It's going to take me awhile, mind you. I work less hours now, but I'm trying to develop what could charitably be called a "social life", so I'm not going to spend every weekend writing.
But, I want it to be well-polished when I send it out. I'm sure you'll all appreciate the results.
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