Yo Mama So Tactical

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OMG these are FUNNY! ("bra has trauma plates"! :p )


Yo mama so tactical,
she set the company record for stripping and reassembling the food processor. ("Finished, Drill Sergeant!!")


Yo mama so tactical,
she had you and your siblings wear PASGT Kevlar helmets when you rode your bikes around the neighborhood.


Yo mama so tactical,
she clear the table after dinner... with a MP5.


Yo mama so tactical,
when she an' yo daddy play bedroom bondage games, she use Plasticuffs 'stead of rope.


Yo mama so tactical,
she cover her backyard vegetable garden with camo netting.


Yo mama so tactical,
she file her fingernails into handcuff keys.


-Jeffrey
 
Yo mama so tactical,
she cover her backyard vegetable garden with camo netting. roflyellow.gif



Yo mama so tactical,
she set the company record for stripping and reassembling the food processor. ("Finished, Drill Sergeant!!")

And then the Drill made her hold it out at arm's length 'til everyone was done.
(BDTD, with a 60.) :fire:


Yo mamma so tactical, when she farts she yells, "GAS, GAS, GAS" , but only when she forgets to say "Backblast area clear!?" ;)
 
A "spew warning" would have been nice...

I also vote for the "CA banned her" as best so far.
 
Yo momma so tactical, she goes to formal parties dressed like this.
ghillie.jpg
 
.....she uses K-bars instead of steak knives

.....she spends more time at the BHI website than JC Penny

.....she trains you to field strip the appliances if she is incapacitated

.....she blew up the house while trying to find the right mixture for TNT
 
Yo momma so tactical, when she farts it sounds like "Counter-Terrorists win"!
 
She got a gunrack on her shopping cart... for Uzis.

She got a trauma plate in her Nomex panties.

She got a black belt in sixteen katas and can still kill your a$$ with a shoe.

She got piano wire stashed in her weave.

She scolded me with a kubaton.

She a lipstick applicator look like a 12 gauge round.

I said she had a nice rack and she thought I was talking about her shotgun. Then she figured it out I got the kuboton again. I couldn't even spell Krav Maga before yesterday.

Her compact got a retractable handle so she can check the underside of her ride. I ain't never seen a bullet proof Geo, but she got one.

She use a flash bang to get everybody out of the pool.

She just look at a perp behind her Oakleys and the fool would throw his hands up and say "I did it" on the WAY to the crime. Hell he ain't even got to be strapped yet. Hell he was just thinking about robbing the McDonalds NEXT Thrursday... just fall on the ground blubbering 'don't kill me momma.'

That's how tactical your momma is.

with apologies to Chris Rock.

:D
 
I also vote for the "CA banned her" as best so far.

I vote to de-nominate that one, since it doesn't make sense. Everyone knows that CA bans things that are minimally tactical, so the joke doesn't hold up. Being banned under CA law is not evidence of being "so tactical."


I nominate the "Strider kitchen knife" one.


Yo mama so tactical,
She pat down yo baby sitters before she leave.


Yo mama so tactical,
She use 100mph Tape in place of grip flowers in the bathtub.


Yo mama so tactical,
She order her Hyundai Sonata with a RealTree paintjob.


-Jeffrey
 
I cant take credit for the "CA banned her," its the only one I remember from the last "yo mama so tactical" thread.
 
...she don't leave the mall, she exfiltrates the operational area.

...she calls gettin' down with yo daddy "going hand to hand with Mr. Johnson".
 
...She performs S.P.O.R.T.S on her lighter when it don't light up on the first try!

...She considers a 'dinner roll' a more intense means to get to the supper table!

...She feeds the baby out of a canteen.....And puts iodine tabs in the formula!
 
She got a black belt in sixteen katas and can still kill your a$$ with a shoe.

Eddie Murphy reference? I was so happy to find Delirious available as a bootleg DVD (there are no legitimate releases - bootleg is the only way to get it).
 
Yo' momma's so tactical...

- She fast-ropes into Food Lion

- She refers to your home decor as "Maginot Line" style

- When "inserting" the kids to the soccer match, synchronized artillery fire masks the "intertion point" (her favorite parking space) with high density smoke.

- You don't ride the bus, you ride the Stryker to school

~Slam_Fire
 
Yo momma so tactical..

If guys use the bathroom and don't lift the seat (and she'll know, there's a sensor and a counter on the T.P.:uhoh: lol), she make you clean the bathroom with a toothbrush :eek: ...
 
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