You might be a gun nut if...

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Aug 27, 2007
Dallas, Texas
You might be a gun nut if...

You're not sure who Thomas Edison was, but you can list all of John Browning's designs from memory--and you own five of them

Your favorite scent on a woman is Hoppe's No. 9

Your sons are named Sam, John, Mikhail, and Uziel

You think .50 BMG is a suitable caliber for elk

You think a "snipe hunt" involves a high-powered scope

You're voting for Thompson because you hope he'll give you one

The only "Mr. Rogers" you ever watched on TV was Roy

You won't read Stephen King since you discovered he thinks revolvers have safeties

You'll always wonder if Thell Reed could have taken Ed McGivern

That huge mistake in Gary Cooper's movie, "Sergeant York," still pisses you off

You think the "Biblical Canon" was fired at the walls of Jericho

The "lucky piece" in your pocket is a buffalo nickel--with a hole in it

You have often watched Democratic politicians on TV while engaging in dry-fire practice

You refer to any firearm with a bore diameter of less than .40 as a "mousegun"--including a .375 H&H

The only John Wesley you ever heard of had the last name "Hardin"

You kneel and pray every morning in the direction of Paterson, NJ

The picture over your mantel is the head of an Indian chief done by Ad Topperwein in .22 bullet holes

You think that "Dirty Harry" Callahan was undergunned

You still have a clay pigeon with two holes in it that you searched for and found to prove you didn't miss the damned thing

Your favorite TV shows are "Magnum, P.I.", "Colt .45" and "Cannon"

You think the three greatest American writers were Jeff Cooper, Elmer Keith and Bill Jordan

You know exactly how fast a Cape buffalo can run, and why you need an Express Double Rifle when they decide to do it

You carry more lead in your pockets than plastic

You only drink beer from cans, because you save them--and bottles are unsafe to shoot at

You know that a proper single-action should click four times when you cock it--and is a FIVE-shooter, not a six-shooter

Going into Target makes you feel uneasy

You know that the best form of gun control involves something called "Magnaporting"

You think the best way to clean out your gutters is with #12 birdshot

For you, a perfect end to a perfect date is policing up your brass hulls together

Your philosophy of firearms ownership, and your analysis of firearms-related law, both contain the phrase "my cold, dead fingers"

(I didn't copy these from anybody; they're original. Hope you liked 'em.)
"I have not seen the movie Sgt York since I was a kid. What is the big mistake in it?"

The movie has Gary Cooper as Sgt. York performing his most famous feat--taking out a squad of German soldiers singlehanded--with a P-08 Luger. He actually, and famously, did it with a 1911.

"And how do you clean your gutters with #12 birdshot?"

You stick the muzzle of the weapon into the leaves at one end and pull the trigger...

That was what is technically known as a "joke". Bad idea, of course. It might "blow away" a few leaves (pun most definitely intended), but I suspect it would be hard on the gutter. And the shotgun. And the shooter.

PS--.50 BMG isn't really a good caliber for elk, either...

Well....I do have a CAT named Mikhail...and yes, it is for Gen. Kalishnikov. No more kids, best I could do.:)

PS, that's my wife's side of the bed...
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