Deer Hunter
Member
- Joined
- Dec 26, 2005
- Messages
- 4,097
I wrote this poem while on my last year of high school for an English teacher. The project was to write a poem that best described yourself. The teacher wanted to get touchy feely with all the kiddos, so I decided to have a little fun with it.
I got a 50 out of 100 on it. Failed it big time, but I had a good laugh when I got it back. The teacher and I didn't really know eachother very well, she was new at the school and all. By the end of the year we were good friends, and I recently visited her and talked to her a bit before heading back to college.
So here it is, in all its gory glory.
Pirates Who Kill Zombies
"Warning, stay indoors, do not go out!" the television blared.
Everyone in the entire house was running scared.
"Board up the windows, put out the lights!
Don't you see, the dead walk tonight?"
Suddenly the human was not on top of the food chain.
Even the greatest optimist was now in great pain.
For them, it was hard to accept that Darwin was right,
And that they had nothing to protect themselves with that night.
From the streets and broken houses came the undead
Their moans filling the people with dread.
"Zombies arn't real, there is no outbreak!" they would cry.
Others simply made peace with their gods and said "goodbye"
Their ranks grew stronger, their moans grew louder.
Their march to the house seemed to take hours.
Those inside could only think about being eaten,
Because they knew their crude defenses would be beaten.
If only they had believed that the threat was real,
because now their situation was becoming surreal.
They could have had a plan, been able to last a little longer.
But now their goose was cooked.
"Wait, did anyone else hear that?" one of them said
Now the moans had shifted under the sound of approaching lead.
"Is that...cannon fire?" one survivor asked.
Through the upper windows, the survivors saw a ship's mast.
"Come on, you stumbling buffoons! I love a challenge!"
Cried an unmistakable figure.
"Everyone! It's Captain Kennedy and the Speedy Decapitator!"
(Don't look too hard into how a ship works on land,
Just flow with it and you'll see it's quite grand.)
"We're saved, we're going to be ok!" cried one ecstatic banker.
With a swift professionalism, captain and crew made haste
To lay every dirty baby-eatin' zombie to waste.
With gleaming cutlasses and shotgun blasts
The zombies soon became a thing of the past.
As the bodies were piled and burned
The survivors understood now what must be learned.
"Captain Kennedy, how can we prevent another outbreak?"
They all looked upon Captain Kennedy, what move would he make?
Captain Kennedy hoisted himself to the Speedy Decapitator's deck
And looked across at a town gone straight to heck.
"Listen to my words, and take them to heart.
Because if you don't, zombies will tear you apart!"
"Be prepared!" the captain spoke, "Don't be a victim!"
"Aim for the head, don't try to just clip 'em!"
"Keep your machete sharp and stay ready,
Aim for the neck, and make your arm steady!"
"Look for the signs, prevention is key!"
"Refuse to become just another balding monkey!"
"When the news show odd homicides,
Start the preparations on the inside."
"Stockpile food, board the windows,
Fence the perimeter, Know where your escape path goes."
"Don't make the zombie's job easier,
Remember, no place is safe. Only safer."
As soon as they had arrived, they were preparing to leave
A final ominous word from the captain set no one at ease.
"Remember, the threat is real. Listen to what I have said,
Because next time I wont be there to cleave off their heads!"
And like that, the zombie killing pirates were gone.
The survivors of that day all knew what had to be done.
Their blades kept sharp, their guns kept oiled
For one day, the zombie threat would once again be foiled.
I got a 50 out of 100 on it. Failed it big time, but I had a good laugh when I got it back. The teacher and I didn't really know eachother very well, she was new at the school and all. By the end of the year we were good friends, and I recently visited her and talked to her a bit before heading back to college.
So here it is, in all its gory glory.
Pirates Who Kill Zombies
"Warning, stay indoors, do not go out!" the television blared.
Everyone in the entire house was running scared.
"Board up the windows, put out the lights!
Don't you see, the dead walk tonight?"
Suddenly the human was not on top of the food chain.
Even the greatest optimist was now in great pain.
For them, it was hard to accept that Darwin was right,
And that they had nothing to protect themselves with that night.
From the streets and broken houses came the undead
Their moans filling the people with dread.
"Zombies arn't real, there is no outbreak!" they would cry.
Others simply made peace with their gods and said "goodbye"
Their ranks grew stronger, their moans grew louder.
Their march to the house seemed to take hours.
Those inside could only think about being eaten,
Because they knew their crude defenses would be beaten.
If only they had believed that the threat was real,
because now their situation was becoming surreal.
They could have had a plan, been able to last a little longer.
But now their goose was cooked.
"Wait, did anyone else hear that?" one of them said
Now the moans had shifted under the sound of approaching lead.
"Is that...cannon fire?" one survivor asked.
Through the upper windows, the survivors saw a ship's mast.
"Come on, you stumbling buffoons! I love a challenge!"
Cried an unmistakable figure.
"Everyone! It's Captain Kennedy and the Speedy Decapitator!"
(Don't look too hard into how a ship works on land,
Just flow with it and you'll see it's quite grand.)
"We're saved, we're going to be ok!" cried one ecstatic banker.
With a swift professionalism, captain and crew made haste
To lay every dirty baby-eatin' zombie to waste.
With gleaming cutlasses and shotgun blasts
The zombies soon became a thing of the past.
As the bodies were piled and burned
The survivors understood now what must be learned.
"Captain Kennedy, how can we prevent another outbreak?"
They all looked upon Captain Kennedy, what move would he make?
Captain Kennedy hoisted himself to the Speedy Decapitator's deck
And looked across at a town gone straight to heck.
"Listen to my words, and take them to heart.
Because if you don't, zombies will tear you apart!"
"Be prepared!" the captain spoke, "Don't be a victim!"
"Aim for the head, don't try to just clip 'em!"
"Keep your machete sharp and stay ready,
Aim for the neck, and make your arm steady!"
"Look for the signs, prevention is key!"
"Refuse to become just another balding monkey!"
"When the news show odd homicides,
Start the preparations on the inside."
"Stockpile food, board the windows,
Fence the perimeter, Know where your escape path goes."
"Don't make the zombie's job easier,
Remember, no place is safe. Only safer."
As soon as they had arrived, they were preparing to leave
A final ominous word from the captain set no one at ease.
"Remember, the threat is real. Listen to what I have said,
Because next time I wont be there to cleave off their heads!"
And like that, the zombie killing pirates were gone.
The survivors of that day all knew what had to be done.
Their blades kept sharp, their guns kept oiled
For one day, the zombie threat would once again be foiled.
