Dangerous cargo, a work in progress.

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Slimjim

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Dangerous cargo.
A novel.

Chapter One. "Almost home"

The sound of a diesel engine broke the calmness of the Arizona desert as a rattlesnake hurried to get off the jet black pavement it had been resting on, As the semi roared past it, twin smokestacks roaring from the sound of the cummins engine under the hood in high gear, rolling down the road the jet black semi seemed to almost become one with the pavement, had it not been for the chrome grille and stacks that accented it.

"Just another day, boy. But don't worry, we're almost home" John said to his husky, Shadow, causing him to look up at John, before laying his head back down in front of the AC vent. "I know it's hot for you, when we get home, I'll get ya trimmed up a bit...and maybe you wont shed as badly" He said with a chuckle. but shadow just continued to lay in front of the vent, enjoying the cool air. John turned back and tuned in the satellite radio to a few of his presets. "It's another hot one today folks" The DJ said, almost with a sarcastic tone to his voice. "Temps are expected to be in the high 90's all week, with a low temp of 50 degrees over night". John changed the channel to a trucker radio station. "East bound and down..." came over the radio, John couldn't help but sing along, much to Shadows displeasure.

He quickly checked his map again, and was thankful that his last drop off occurred in his home town of Janice, Arizona. "About 200 miles to go now, should be at the drop off before dark" he thought to himself as the semi continued down the flat desert interstate. Passing a sign advertising a truck stop ahead John checked his gauges, satisfied with what he saw he just kept rolling on past. "Hmmm" he thought to himself, "Almost there, just 15 more miles to go." he looked down at Shadow, who was sleeping on the passenger seat. "Good boy" He said quietly.

John turned off the main interstate, onto what seemed to be a never ending length of pavement. After 5 minutes, He spotted his destination, coming into view what seemed to have been an abandoned factory, just recently reopened in parts. As there were a few men milling about in the distance. As the semi pulled up to the fence, he slowly came to a stop, air brakes releasing a puff of air as they were applied, than grabbing to slow the truck to a halt in front of the guard shack.

A figure emerged from the guard shack, a window Air conditioner could be heard running full force, before the door slammed shut behind the man. The guard walked up to the drivers side door, John noticed his uniform..or lack of it to be quite interesting, but he thought nothing of it. "Can i help you?" the guard asked as John rolled his window down. "How's it going?" John asked. "I've got a delivery here..Or at least i think i am at the right place." John said semi-jokingly. "Yeah, We've been expecting you" the guard said, keying up his mic, and saying something that John couldn't quite make out over the running diesel engine. The 8 foot tall chain link gate creaked its reluctance to open as it slide across the ground allowing passage of the black semi.

John drove around to the loading dock area of the building. lining himself up he backed in as he had done hundreds of times before. Pausing for a second, to notice the strange lack of any other semi trucks, but he attributed it to remote location at first..But taking a look around and letting his memory take a few photographs of the area, deep inside he had a bad feeling about this place, But he couldn't quite put his finger on it. Reaching down he pulled the bright yellow parking brake handle and with a hiss of air, the semi was parked, Still running to allow shadow to get some cool air in the desert heat. as most places wouldn't allow a dog on the dock floor. "I'll be back in a bit Shadow, just wait here" He said, Shadow just looked up at him, licked his face, and went back to enjoying the cool air.

He looked up at the building before him, It was your standard warehouse construction, cinder block on cinder block, metal roof, and loading dock area, nothing special. So he walked up and tried the door. It was unlocked, turning the handle and opening the door he walked inside. A hand painted sign that said office, hung on a door to his right. A large crate with some writing John recognized as Russian Cyrillic writing, sat by the roll up bay door on a pallet. "Guess thats my pickup." John thought to himself as he went through the office door.

The office was desolate and poorly lit. Nothing hung on the walls, A laptop was illuminated on a table against the wall behind the desk, with a large office chair, back turned towards him. Slowly it spun around, a short man seated in the chair looked at him, Due to the minimum lighting in the room, he couldn't make out the features on the man setting behind the desk. "Are you John Cervinis?" the man said in a heavy middle eastern accent. "Why yes, i would happen to be him. I've got a delivery.." The man cut him off "Yes, you do.. we've been waiting for you." the man said as he typed something on the laptop, suddenly the noise of heavy boots could be heard outside the office door..

Let me know THR (This is edited version #1 spellchecked)
 
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Well you made some grammar and spelling mistakes.

Rereading and using a spell checker always help.
 
only 90 degrees in the afternoon?

Must be fall or winter - and for the record you almost never see a rattlesnake out on the pavement during the day unless it got run over the previous night and is dead. Lots of Arizonans around THR - any of us would be happy to help you with details and continuity type stuff.
 
I dont have a spell checker on wordpad Getting a better word processor..

Sign up for gmail, yahoo mail, or almost any other free email service and they have a spellchecker. Not only that, but gmail will autosave drafts for you so you aren't likely to lose it.

Alternatively, you can get the Firefox browser that has a built in spelll checker.
 
Very poorly written. Paragraph structure. Sentence structure.

Blotchy and choppy. Painful. To. Read. Punctuation. wrongly placed,

***********

I am not trying to make you feel bad, I just want to let you know that you will have some serious problems getting a book published with the quality of writing you showed above.

Best of luck.
 
Although USMC was utterly tactless in his remarks, he was pretty much on target. Sorry to have to say it, but -- even disregarding the confusion of commas and periods (!) -- it was clunky and melodramatic... and that's in the pejorative sense. Work toward smooth and refined.

If you want some good authors to model, read some David Morrell, early Don Pendleton, Tom Clancy, William Gibson, Trevanian, and Neil Stephenson.
 
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