Please Critique Quickly - I Must Quickly Respond

[AnklePocket]

My proposed Letter that I hope to send in a few:

The recent Bill shielding gun makers from civil lawsuits does not protect anyone from criminal negligence. Firearm dealers must follow very strict guidelines in selling firearms and many laws are firmly in place that demand compliance. This Bill helps to ensure that lawsuits are properly filed.
The ***** ***** also continues to attack assault weapons and the gun show loophole.
First of all, assault weapons are classified as such based on cosmetic features. Flash suppressors, pistol grips and bayonet lugs are completely irrelevant when addressing crime. Furthermore, so called assault weapons are used in 2 percent of the crimes that involved firearms. Those 2 percenters are already breaking several laws so additional laws won't change a thing.
Secondly, I don't even know what the "gun show loophole" is. Anyone who wishes to purchase a firearm at a gun show must go through an extensive background check just like anyone else. Plus, very few criminals hang out at gun shows.
So our liberal elite legislators who seem to always know what's best, along with the **** **** attack Bill S.659 as yet another knee-jerk reaction resulting in a giant leap to nowhere. Fortunately, the Bill is likely to pass which will keep the focus of fighting crime where it belongs. Of course, the liberal elite geniuses will never admit that they're wrong especially as they try to scare us into voting a certain way, but after all, this is America, at least for now.

 

[Bartholomew Roberts]

The vote is going down tomorrow at the latest so I would phone or email it if you want it to count. I'd also drop everything but the first paragraph as they are getting a lot of email/phone calls etc. right now and brevity is appreciated.

I'd say go with first paragraph but add sentence saying "I urge you to pass a clean S.1805 without any antigun amendments"

 

[Cliff]

Secondly, I don't even know what the "gun show loophole" is. Anyone who wishes to purchase a firearm at a gun show must go through an extensive background check just like anyone else. Plus, very few criminals hang out at gun shows.

Be more accurate. Refer to the NIC's check that dealers run on anyone buying a firearm at a show. And maybe add that undercover ATF agents,and undercover State troopers also frequent gun shows. This I know for a fact. Any dealer trying to sell a firearm on the downlow at a show risks getting arrested,loosing his FFL,etc, and they know it.

Going out the door,wish I could add more.I'm sure others will chime in.

 

[YammyMonkey]

so called assault weapons are used in 2% of the crimes that involved firearms

Aren't they used in less than 2% of those crimes? It's a minor detail I know, but might as well take all the stats in our favor that we can get.

I would change the wording of the "I don't know what the loophole is" to something like "The gunshow loophole is another fallacy on par with the assault weapons being the weapon of choice of criminals" or something else along those lines, I'd avoid saying that "I don't know" something. Just like that old Nickolodeon show, the anti's will gladly slime you for admitting that you don't know something, even if you aren't stating it seriously.

Looks good, good job.

 

[Spot77]

Always keep the words "gun show loophole" in paranthesis so that it appears as if you don't acknowledge it as anything legitimate.
You did it in one paragraph, but not the other.


Good job

 

[AnklePocket]

Edited, done and submitted. I always enjoy hitting that final "send" button. I may be too late, but I can't say "liberal elite geniuses" enough.
As always, thanks.