Dave McCracken
Moderator In Memoriam
It's a given that most shotgunners are tightly wrapped. Some aren't, and I've fielded some amazing questions over the decades, both in person and over the Net.
Here's a few, slightly exaggerated for amusement's sake. The answer are pretty much what I said or typed.
Q: Yo, Doc! You da Man, Jack! What's the BADDEST Mammyjammin' bullets for my sawed-off? -Little Big T, Da 'Hood.
A: Go away....
Q: Dear Doc, I've never shot a gun. I started to shoot a 410 and it hurt bad. I even bled some. What's wrong? -Ted, NYC.
A: Next time,remember the big end goes on your shoulder.
Q: Dear Doctor, I've read your articles on Preparedness and Militia Uses for the Shotgun. You seem to be a kindred spirit. I've spent considerable time and money preparing for the coming stuggle. I've 10,000 rounds of ammo stored in my house, another 10,000 at my fortress in the Appalachians, and enough munitions to take over a small country. I converted a few autoloaders to belt feed and full auto with suppressors, and am ready to take on the hordes of UN troops now massing in Mexico ready to board those black helicopters. Can you think of anything else I need?- Name Withheld, near Area 52, Nevada.
A: Prozac.
Q: Dear Doctor,in the years I've been wingshooting, I've shot many places and times. Each year now I shoot my bespoke Purdeys at driven Pheasant in England, Sand Grouse in South Africa,Red Legged Partridge in Spain, and I spend 4 months each year at my Estancia in Argentina, gunning for dove, pigeons and ducks. For a change of pace, I use the 24 gauge Piotti I had custom made in Italy.My shooting togs are tweeds, made on Savile Row to my measurements.
But lately I've had blackouts, where I don't remember my actions for days at a time.I awoke from one to find myself at the landfill at night,shooting rats with a bolt action 410 in the company of two yokels named Earl and Bubba.Another time I woke to find myself holding a pumpgun of all things, and shooting starlings out of a mulberry tree. What's wrong with me"- Alastair Farnsworth IV, the Hamptons.
A: Relax. This is perfectly natural. You're just rebounding from all that prissiness and snobbery. Cancel your subscription to Shooting Sportsmen and get one to Pumpguns Forever. Buy a set of Carhart's Bib overalls and an 870, tell everyone to call you Al and have fun.
BTW, I thought Piotti was that Mexican cactus that the Indians ate for vision quests and the hippies for kicks.
Q: Dear Doc, can you put us in touch with anyone making sabot loads with little wooden stakes in them instead of lead slugs? Or maybe a triplex load of Garlic, silver buckshot and Holy Water for Vampires, Werewolves and Demons? We've some unusual pest problems here.-Buffy, Willow and Zander, TV Land...
A: Not offhand, but check with the Vatican. They may be able to recommend a source.....
Edited to add....
Q: Dear Doctor Shotgun, what load do you recommend for Condor and Bald Eagles?
-E. Keith, Salmon Idaho.
A: Same one that works for you with Whooping Cranes and Pterodactyls....
Here's a few, slightly exaggerated for amusement's sake. The answer are pretty much what I said or typed.
Q: Yo, Doc! You da Man, Jack! What's the BADDEST Mammyjammin' bullets for my sawed-off? -Little Big T, Da 'Hood.
A: Go away....
Q: Dear Doc, I've never shot a gun. I started to shoot a 410 and it hurt bad. I even bled some. What's wrong? -Ted, NYC.
A: Next time,remember the big end goes on your shoulder.
Q: Dear Doctor, I've read your articles on Preparedness and Militia Uses for the Shotgun. You seem to be a kindred spirit. I've spent considerable time and money preparing for the coming stuggle. I've 10,000 rounds of ammo stored in my house, another 10,000 at my fortress in the Appalachians, and enough munitions to take over a small country. I converted a few autoloaders to belt feed and full auto with suppressors, and am ready to take on the hordes of UN troops now massing in Mexico ready to board those black helicopters. Can you think of anything else I need?- Name Withheld, near Area 52, Nevada.
A: Prozac.
Q: Dear Doctor,in the years I've been wingshooting, I've shot many places and times. Each year now I shoot my bespoke Purdeys at driven Pheasant in England, Sand Grouse in South Africa,Red Legged Partridge in Spain, and I spend 4 months each year at my Estancia in Argentina, gunning for dove, pigeons and ducks. For a change of pace, I use the 24 gauge Piotti I had custom made in Italy.My shooting togs are tweeds, made on Savile Row to my measurements.
But lately I've had blackouts, where I don't remember my actions for days at a time.I awoke from one to find myself at the landfill at night,shooting rats with a bolt action 410 in the company of two yokels named Earl and Bubba.Another time I woke to find myself holding a pumpgun of all things, and shooting starlings out of a mulberry tree. What's wrong with me"- Alastair Farnsworth IV, the Hamptons.
A: Relax. This is perfectly natural. You're just rebounding from all that prissiness and snobbery. Cancel your subscription to Shooting Sportsmen and get one to Pumpguns Forever. Buy a set of Carhart's Bib overalls and an 870, tell everyone to call you Al and have fun.
BTW, I thought Piotti was that Mexican cactus that the Indians ate for vision quests and the hippies for kicks.
Q: Dear Doc, can you put us in touch with anyone making sabot loads with little wooden stakes in them instead of lead slugs? Or maybe a triplex load of Garlic, silver buckshot and Holy Water for Vampires, Werewolves and Demons? We've some unusual pest problems here.-Buffy, Willow and Zander, TV Land...
A: Not offhand, but check with the Vatican. They may be able to recommend a source.....
Edited to add....
Q: Dear Doctor Shotgun, what load do you recommend for Condor and Bald Eagles?
-E. Keith, Salmon Idaho.
A: Same one that works for you with Whooping Cranes and Pterodactyls....
Last edited:
