I think every once in a while we need some political humor in this forum. Found this in today's St Louis Post Dispatch:
http://www.stltoday.com/stltoday/ne...94D589D440D879D386257123002712F7?OpenDocument
http://www.stltoday.com/stltoday/ne...94D589D440D879D386257123002712F7?OpenDocument
GOOGLE v. U.S. GOVERNMENT
By Andrew Postman
02/28/2006
Dear Ms. Stanhope,
Once again (the fifth time since last week's subpoena!), we must respectfully decline your request to turn over to the Justice Department "one million random Web addresses and records of all Google searches from any one-week period." While we hear your claim that the data are needed to satisfy a Supreme Court demand that you establish a factual record regarding a 1998 federal law -- and not for the purpose of invading the privacy of our customers -- how can we not find this argument disingenuous when you yourself have been lying to us all along? In fact, Ms. Stanhope, though your name has appeared at the bottom of each of the previous e-mails, you are not technically the person who crafted them, now are you? The repeated use of such phrases as "woefully negligent" and "patriotically correct" is characteristic not of you (who rarely employs adjectival phrases in your home Google searches) but rather of your boss, deputy assistant attorney general Bernard Tutley.
Thank you for your inquiry.
David Miller
Associate counsel,
Dear Mr. Miller,
And your repeated claim that you cannot release random data because compliance "could endanger (Google's) crown-jewel trade secrets" isn't disingenuous? When, as we speak, Google is trying to get its hands on the trade secrets of three start-up search engine competitors, whose search algorithms may ultimately turn out to be nimbler than yours? There are multiple phone records and (legal) wiretap recordings.
Once again, we implore you to turn over the data.
Bernard Tutley
Deputy
assistant
attorney general
Department of Justice
Mr. Tutley,
The DOJ should not be in the business of threatening American enterprises, particularly one as beloved as
Google, the people's search engine. Especially when taxpayers pay your salaries -- salaries that, at least in your four-person office, are apparently going largely to subsidize (according to our tracking cookies) a minimum of four hours daily of eBay auctions (James Llewellyn and Carol Santana, both GS-14) and SpongeBob Collapse (Martha Stanhope, GS-13).
David Miller,
David Miller,
Twice last month your VW Passat went through the Ninth Street Toll Plaza -- 11:04 p.m. on 1/26 and then, in the opposite direction, at 4:31 a.m., 1/27 -- with a fetching young passenger whose retinal scan does not appear to match that of Donna Weinstein-Miller, your wife of seven years and mother of your twins, Emma and Jedediah.
Turn over the records.
B. Tutley,
DOJ
Mr. Tutley,
For a man whose Google searches the past six months have included the terms personal bankruptcy, bankruptcy lawyer, Chapter 11 and Azerbaijan hotties (btw, the "and" is superfluous), you're in no position to muscle us, or to demand a peek at the personal information of others.
D. Miller
P.S. A "Google Alert" is a great way to generate automatic e-mails alerting you to up-to-the-minute news about favorite topics -- say, Azerbaijan hotties. Go to www.google.com, type in "google alert" and follow the instructions.
Miller,
How many fingers do I have up?
Tutley
Mr. Tutley,
Even given all we know about you and your DOJ colleagues, this is childish.
Three.
David Miller
miller,
lucky guess. am i sitting or standing?
bernie
Mr. Tutley,
Standing.
Miller
miller,
no, i'm sitting.
b
Mr. Tutley,
Unless instructed otherwise by a court, Google considers this matter closed.
David Miller,
Dear Mr. Miller,
Your mother is being audited. Also the girl in the car.
Bernard
Tutley, DOJ
P.S. Your left taillight has been out for 12 days. Maybe you didn't realize, but that's against the law.
Andrew Postman is a writer in New York.
