I'm sorry, but that's a load of horse-hocky - an overstatement. A loaded gun - yes, that needs to be locked up. An open jar of drain cleaner - yep, that needs to be put up. ... Parents teach their children to be responsible by talking with them, not by leaving temptations around.
My questions were in response to a statement that "With my little girls being into EVERYTHING, I don't think I'd dare not keep the guns behind a locked door. It's the best I can do until they move out." I asked:
Do you mean that you must lock all potentially dangerous objects away from your children until they reach the age of eighteen or whenever it is that they leave your home?
If so, who will help them learn how to handle the world after they go off on their own?
I don't think that
questions can be "an overstatement." Maybe they could be "overquestions" but I doubt that there is such a thing. As for the thinking behind my two questions, I suppose they could indeed be "a load of horse-hocky" except that it's the kind of thinking by which most people in this world were raised in
all the generations preceding your own.
Guns, for example, were around and available long before there were gun safes or gun locks, both of which are relatively recent innovations for individual gun owners. How is it possible that parents in the 1940s, 1950s, 1960s, and 1970s or in the centuries before then could lock their guns in gun safes that did not exist or use trigger locks before there were any?
There were dangerous objects in and around people's homes even before then. Surely you don't really believe that all good parents locked all potentially dangerous objects away from all children until those children left home to start their own adult lives. If that were true, how could those sheltered children have been prepared to handle every danger they might encounter for the rest of their lives. Your belief that parents teach their children by "talking to them" is good, but what about the parts you forget or neglect to mention? I reject the false polarity of "talking to them" and "leaving temptations around" because it's absurd. One obvious absurdity is in your own example of open drain cleaner, which you say "has to be put up." Won't it be a bit embarrassing to have to "put up" open drain cleaners when your 7-year-old is, say, 27 years old or 37 years old and visits your home? It will require you to do a lot of scurrying around to continue hiding things.
Isn't there
some age at which you will teach--not just talk to--your children how to deal with potential dangers in the world such as drain cleaners and guns and even electricity and automobiles? Or do you intend only to talk to them until they move out? Won't you ever actually teach them to do anything or is that someone else's job after they're grown and leave you?
At a guess based on the ages of your own children--3 and 7--my own children probably are your age or older. When they were very young we did indeed watch over them like hawks. Very young children aren't equipped to handle real danger and it's the parents' job to keep them from it.
But we introduced ours to
bounds as soon as we could. And as soon as we could
teach them to handle potentially dangerous objects we did so. None of our children shot anyone while growing up around firearms or even as of this very moment. Nor have they played with or drunk drain cleaner even though there were open cans under the sink and still are; set fire to the house, their friends, the neighbor's cat, or even themselves even though we've always had matches, lighters, a stove and ovens out in plain view, accessible, and not locked away in a safe; stabbed, sliced, or diced themselves or anyone else even though there always have been knives--and a couple of cleavers--in the kitchen, tool cabinets, and elsewhere in our home and workshops; and so far as I know none of them have stolen even one car or truck even though the keys to ours were always accessible from the day each was born. When they encountered horse-hocky they knew it and could avoid stepping in it without any having to talk to them. We're very proud of them. They can even manage to get through the day without sticking their fingers in electric outlets even though no one is there to remind them. We're very proud of our children. They are self-reliant.
You raise your kids the way you want to, and I'll raise my kids the way I want to, and we'll both agree to stay out of each other's business. That OK with you?
Absolutely okay with me. Does that mean you're not going to post anymore messages in which you use your own childrearing practices as examples for other people to follow or does it mean that you'll continue doing so but won't tolerate responses that you dislike? If it's the latter, perhaps you could conclude your messages with a list of responses you find acceptable. These are, after all, discussion forums open to the general public so it would be helpful if you would tell people what you don't consider discussable about what you post. You certainly shouldn't have to tolerate disagreement.
