I went through this with my wife, and fortunately had a large collection for her to try ranging from 22's to 454, auto's and wheel guns. Here were her reactions:
1. Wheel guns had too much muzzle flip, didn't look cool, and took up more room in her purse for the same power.
2. Guns that were too large, regardless of caliber, were too initimidating and didn't fit her very small hands. This was true of my Ruger 22 target.
3. Guns that were too small (like my Keltec) didn't fit her hands comfortably and had too much recoil because of the small size in comparison to the caliber. It also felt "toy like", and she wanted a "real" gun.
4. Too much caliber regardless of gun type was a problem with the noise, recoil and flash, stopping her from any significant practice.
My wife is a doctor with her own practice and publically listed, and was getting threatening calls. So she seriously wanted real protection, it just had to be something she was comfortable with. She didn't want to start with a 22 for ease or fun. Here were the finalists:
1. She liked the size, weight and power of my PPK, but the upper backstrap on the PPK has a somewhat harsh metal edge that tends to press on the large knuckle of the thumb after many rounds.
2. My keltec CW9 was close, but the very narrow grip is not perfect for the most comfortable distribution of the recoil. She found the 9mm recoil to be do-able, but not fun. It also felt top heavy to her.
3. The winner was my sig 230. It fit her hands perfectly, and has one of the most comfortable grips in existence. The 380 was the best balance of power, vs her willingness to practice with it. I also suspect the looks had something to do with it.
As others have mentioned, it was very important for her to make the choice and not be told what to use. Fortunately the police found the caller. He was a very marginal case that had a history of making random calls like that, but never actually violent (so they said). They had a talk with him and the calls stopped. But the experience made my wife a gun owner, and not for fun. She takes her 380 very seriously, and I believe could and would put all seven rounds into a torso at close range, even under great pressure.
