US AIR FORCE OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the
UNITED STATES AIR FORCE because I know I couldn't hack it in the
Army, because the Marines frighten me, and because I am afraid of
water over waist-deep. I swear to sit behind a desk. I also swear
not to do any form of real exercise, but promise to defend our bike-
riding test as a valid form of exercise. I promise to walk around
calling everyone by their first name because I find it amusing to
annoy the other services.
I will have a better quality of life than those around me and will,
at all times, be sure to make them aware of that fact. After
completion of "Basic Training", I will be a lean, mean, donut-eating,
Lazy-Boy sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes, Chair-borne Ranger.
I will believe I am superior to all others and will make an effort to
clean the knife before stabbing the next person in the back. I will
annoy those around me, and will go home early every day. So Help Me
God!"
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Signature
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Date
US ARMY OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, Rambo, swear to sign away 4 years of my mediocre life to the
UNITED STATES ARMY because I couldn't score high enough on the ASVAB
to get into the Air Force, I'm not tough enough for the Marines, and
the Navy won't take me because I can't swim. I will wear camouflage
every day and tuck my trousers into my boots because I can't figure
out how to use blousing straps. I promise to wear my uniform 24 hours
a day even when I have a date.
I will continue to tell myself that I am a fierce killing machine
because my Drill Sergeant told me I am, despite the fact that the
only action I will see is a court-martial for sexual harassment. I
acknowledge the fact that I will make E-8 in my first year of
service, and vow to maintain that it is because I scored perfect on
my PT test. After completion of my Sexual.....er.....I mean "Basic
Training," I will attend a different Army school every other month
and return knowing less than I did when I left. On my first trip
home after Boot Camp, I will walk around like I am cool and propose
to my 9th grade sweetheart. I will make my wife stay home because if
I let her out she might leave me for a better-looking Air Force guy.
Should she leave me twelve times, I will continue to take her back.
While at work I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting
absolutely nothing accomplished. I will arrive to work every day at
1000 hrs because of morning PT and leave everyday at 1300 to report
back to "COMPANY."
I understand that I will undergo no training whatsoever that will
help me get a job upon separation, and will end up working
construction with my friends from high school. I will brag to
everyone about the Army giving me $30,000 for college, but will be
unable to use it because I can't pass a placement exam. So Help Me
God!"
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Signature
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Date
US NAVY OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years
of my life to the UNITED STATES NAVY, because I want to hang out with
Marines without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought
the Air Force was too "corporate," because I didn't want to actually
live in dirt like the Army, and because I thought, "Hey, I like to
swim...why not?" I promise to wear clothes that went out of style
in 1976 and to have my name stenciled on the butt of every pair of
pants I own. I understand that I will be mistaken for the Good
Humor Man during summer, and for Nazi Waffen SS during the winter.
I will strive to use a different language than the rest of the
English-speaking world, using words like "deck, bulkhead, cover,
geedunk, scuttlebutt, scuttle and head," when I really mean "floor,
wall, hat, candy, water fountain, hole in wall and toilet."
I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, rank, and
insignia, and everything else for that matter, are completely
different from the other services and make absolutely no sense
whatsoever. I will muster, whatever that is, at 0700 every morning
unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show up
around 0930. I vow to hone my coffee cup-handling skills to the
point that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a
typhoon, and still not spill a drop. I consent to being promoted and
subsequently busted at least twice per fiscal year. I realize that,
once selected for Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick,
and quite possibly illegal, whims of my newfound "colleagues." So
Help Me Neptune!"
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Signature
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Date
US MARINE CORPS OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, (pick a name the police won't recognize), swear..uhhhh....high-
and-tight.... grunt... cammies....kill....
fix bayonets....charge....slash....dig....burn....
blowup....ugh...Air Force women....beer.....
sailors wives.....air strikes....
yes SIR!....whiskey....liberty call....salute....
Ooorah Gunny....grenades...women....OORAH!
So Help Me Chesty PULLER!"
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Thumb Print
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Teeth Marks
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Date
) can be verified by sending a self addressed envelop to:
