Isn't it amazing how much static comes about when people don't respect the simple parameters of a question? You want to reload a .223 bullet for Self Defense and you want specific recommendations.
When I started reloading .223 I found my way (through recommendations and browsing) to a resource at AR15.com called the Ammo Oracle:
http://ammo.ar15.com/ammo/
(access material by clicking on menu and submenu headings on the left)
My conclusion based on that set of resources and further study (haven't done any ballistic testing myself or hunted with the .223) was that the best choice is probably something in the heaviest range that your barrel's twist rate will stabilize. The barrel on my personal .223 is a 1/8, so I can go up to a 77 gr bullet, and do. If your barrel is a 1/9, the most common commercial twist rate, then you may not be able to go higher than 69--though some people can use Hornady's 75's in their 1/9 barrels.
At work, I am issued a 55 gr. soft point. Within the limited ranges I would expect to use this round (shooting out of an iron-sighted carbine w/ a 1/9 barrel), I am confident that it would be effective against opponents not behind cover. I would expect it to be defeated by auto glass, however, and that's a significant problem to me. If I had the choice I'd be loading the 75 grain Hornady for duty, but I don't.
Anyway, I hope the answers you (eventually) get here and your reading elsewhere will lead you to a solution you can live with.