I shoot a 7mm-08 as my main rifle, but I shoot some of the heavier factory loads available (Hornady light magnum, 139gr SST at 3000fps and 2777ft-lbs). This load is actually faster with more energy than Hornady's standard 140gr .270 Win load. I also shoot it out of a pretty lightweight rifle. With this load (which is all I have shot in years out of the rifle), it absolutely kicks less than the 30-06 that I occasionally shoot (albeit with another pretty heavy load, Hornady light magnum, 165gr SST, 3015fps, 3330 ft-lbs).
It does kick significantly more than my friend's .243, though (he has a very similar rifle to mine). The loads I shoot are probably closer in recoil to the 30-06 than to the .243.
I'm a big proponent of the 7mm-08, but I wouldn't recommend that you get a super-light rifle, and I wouldn't recommend you shoot the Hornady light magnum loads. Problem is, there's so much room for subjectivity (as you mentioned) that it's hard to say if you'd be comfortable shooting it.
If you do end up with a 7mm-08 rifle and don't like the standard loads, there is a Remington reduced recoil load (140gr, 2300fps) that I suspect would be very pleasant to shoot. It starts to drop pretty quickly after 250 yards but I bet it would be fine for deer out that far.