Back to dating. what to do about CCW?

[doggscube]

A gun-neutral woman can be easily turned into a shooter. An anti is normally a lost cause until someone's breaking one of her windows at 2 AM.

I'd lean against announcing before date #1 that you carry a gun, just because of the sheeple aspect. My friend has brought two of his friends to the range recently, both were shooters but for them CCW was a foreign concept. (He also once brought his attractive, single sisters. ) But I am at a loss for when to bring it up...

-Jeff

 

[carterbeauford]

well, i just got dumped after seven years together. (the day after my 30th birthday too

Sorry to hear that brother. If anything I wish you a belated happy birthday and the best of luck finding a better mate!

My RKBA comes before any woman. If I were dating a new girl I would definitely carry. A first date is not a good excuse to leave your gun at home. Past that, I concur with the rest of mikeburk101's advice. No need to be upfront about it, but if she has a problem with it, then weigh your priorities. If anything maybe you can introduce someone to shooting.

 

[Snap]

Carry on your first date and any other date until you inform her of your hobby and you trust her enough with the information. If you have a good method worked out and are careful about where her hands land, it's surprising how long you can go before a girl notices a 2-pound lump of steel and aluminum on your hip. Think I went a couple of months with a girl before her hand landed on my Beretta during a hug and her curiousity got the better of her. (Yes, to include some close contact, and such is all I'll say as a gentleman.) She knew I owned guns, seeing as I left my carry piece on the kitchen table when she came over one time, and did not freak out, and after that I quit worrying.
Oh, one kinda general tip: hug low, so her hands go over your arms. Many women hug the neck anyway, at least when they're interested in you. Or try to keep your arm over your gun. (P.S. I'm assuming belt or shoulder carry here. Disregard if you've got a pocket holster or something.)

 

[Snap]

Out of curiousity, do you ladies ever have this dilemma? Suppose I've brought the women and guns thing up more than once, but it leaves me curious.

 

[Standing Wolf]

My life is worth defending wherever I am, whoever I may be with. People who don't see it that way don't get to waste my time.

 

[EatBugs]

As far as I know, I haven't been on a date with a guy who CCW. I have been on a few fireing range rａｎｄｅｖｕｅｓ though.

Alot of your posts sound as if the issue is cut and dry and the woman should instantly be ok with a first date discovery- but for women it is a whole different can of worms.

If on a first date with a guy I don't know
and I accidentally find that the guy carries...
My first reaction would be of fear and/or concern. A thing always niggling in the back of most womans mind is the shame and horror of being raped. and being date raped at gunpoint is not high on my list of things to do that night.

Of all the women I'm close to(aunts, friends, cousins), 60 to 70% have been raped(date,violent, and/or gang raped). At 22 years of age I was nearly date raped but was able to make the guy painfully aware I really meant NO.

But, as I'm not anti and a reasonable person I would allow the guy to explain or reasure all the while scoping my exits and options. If he acts like a jerk about it - date over.

I'm not a high maintenance or snooty gal and will even allow for some foot being put in mouth because, lord knows, I tend to put my foot in my mouth alot.

Exceptions: I would react differently to a guy I knew fairly well before the first date and differently to a guy if I discover the gun or the guy reveals the gun after several dates.

It's all in how you approach or reveal the issue to me. You can talk about guns n stuff on the first date and I will happly join in on the conversation and will even accept an invite to a fireing range 2nd date. Just don't get all Rambo or macho acting - such a turn off.

Otherwise, I really like the combo of men and guns

Disclaimer-I do not speak for all women on this forum or in the outside world-

 

[katonk]

I casually ask on the first date how they feel about hunting or guns in general..all of the gals I met so far grew up with dads or brothers who hunted and it hasn't been an issue YET!...I would then go on by stating that I belong to a range and shoot competively and this usually sparks their interest and at that point I would tell them at some point in time we could go shooting...so far so good...maybe I've just been lucky?

 

[tellner]

If I dated I'd need CCW and a Level IV vest when my wife found out about it

 

[Geronimo45]

"If I dated I'd need CCW and a Level IV vest when my wife found out about it"
Don't forget to duct-tape a few trauma plates to the back of your head, in case she lays down suppressing fire with .30-06 AP.

As to the thread: If her hands start wandering, I'd probably give her a black eye... you realize how much dry cleaning is on cordurouy? I don't care how happy she is. That cordurouy jacket is a perfect fit, and dirtying it up is a capital offense.
"You've got a gun! Are you trying to rape me?"
"My dear lady, if I was going to rape you I certainly wouldn't've paid for your dinner."

 

[tellner]

Hmm. Cute but not even vaguely accurate. Plenty of rapists buy their victims dinner. They feel they're entitled because they paid for it

I can understand why a woman, no matter how gun friendly or gun neutral might be a little apprehensive about a guy who brings - and talks about - a gun on an early date. Doing the odds it's much more likely that he's a threat than some putative stranger-danger. This will raise her wariness a notch or two.

Once I got to know women I'd make it known that there were firearms and antique swords around the place. If they were cool with that I'd mention the CCW in passing somewhere down the line. It went both ways. Some were scared off. Some were interested. If it looked like all my favorite concealment systems were likely to be, hmm, compromised by more closer tactile examination I'd just not have the gun with me that day and run the hideous risk of having to rely on a folding knife and my fists for that date. The pistol would show up later.

And if I got attacked on those specific occasions over the few hours that we were spending in public and non-ranged weapons wouldn't do the trick I'd probably have bought a winning lottery ticket the same day. The odds aren't that different

"Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish and he'll kill every fish in the damned ocean."

or

"Build a man a fire and he's warm for a night. Set a man on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life."

 

[justashooter]

seven years is a long time. spend the next few months working on figuring out who you are right now. change the things you don't like, and keep the things you do. relax, and get drunk a few times with the guys at home. watch porn, go fishing, smoke big cigars, and work on your truck. you can't do any of these things when you have a serious woman in your life.

when you get bored with being single, go to night school at the local college. pick a course in conversational french, or anthropology for amatures. join the young republicans club, volunteer at the ymca teaching kids how to swim. avoid women for any purpose other than friendship and cheap dinner dates. sooner than you want, a pretty girl will decide you are the right combination of masculine characteristics to complement her femininity. get the exposure, and they will find you.

date a few women casually, all at the same time. have fun, but make no commitments. date women you know you would not marry or live with. catch a few fish before you keep one. you will get your feet back under before you realise.

don't let any casual date know you have guns in the house. keep the piece under the front seat of the car in a holster on dates that involve dancing. don't discuss your hobby until you have enough time with a woman to know who she is, and who she knows.

keep your buddies close. they will watch your six. they will validate your judgement, and keep your little head from over-ruling your bigger one. relax, and take your time.

 

[mike101]

Just a little clarification. I did say it's OK to carry on the first date if you can carry somewhere where she won't run into your gun (unless you get real lucky )
like in an ankle holster. I wouldn't leave it in the car. The odds of your car being stolen are much greater than your needing the gun on your first date.

 

[Kharn]

Dont be like the one guy (Was it here on THR?) that took a lady on a date to see a waterfall, only to have to disarm because of it being a park of some sort. The lady was a little put-off when he threw his CCW into the glovebox with the value-pack of condoms.

Kharn

 

[strambo]

Snap's post was pretty much what I'd say. Carry as normal. Use proper techniques to avoid her noticing...before you feel ready to tell her.

That park story was funny Kharn. In that situation, I'd probably go with "concealed means concealed" and risk the park vs scaring off the girl. Especially if the park prohibition was a "rule" not a "law".

 

[USMC - Retired]

Be carefull you could loose a gun!

When I first met my wife she had never been exposed to guns much and didn't really care one way or another about them. Soon after we started dateing I took her to the local range and we shot a few of my pistols and rifles and she loved it. THEN, soon after we were married she declared that MY .380 carry piece was now HERS!!! So, be very carefull, you wouldn't be the first or last guy to loose a gun this way!

 

[MikeB]

I'm going through this and have in the past. I normally pocket carry when on first or even second dates, sometimes ankle, but I usually wear shorts until it get's below 20 degrees or so. I don't announce I'm ccwing. I do make a point to mention collecting "antique" and some other firearms and shooting them is one of my hobbies very soon after meeting the girl in question, sometimes probably usually before the actual first date. If she isn't put off by the hobbie then I carefully let them know after a couple dates that I also sometimes(usually) carry and my collection includes quite a few modern firearms as well as the antiques. You don't ever want to lie, you can couch your conversation in terms that will be percieved as potentially less threatening until there is a level of trust involved.

 

[wuchak]

Get a smartcarry and use that for the dates until you are comfortable telling her that you CCW. With a smartcarry's location there is no way for her to know it's there unless she touches it, and if you are not comfortable enough with her to tell her about your guns she has no business touching you there.

 

[Bobarino]

lots of good advice and nice to hear a lady's perspective too. thanks all. i carry IWB in a CompTac C-tac and its not noticable at all unless i tell someone about it. i already do the hug her waist so she hugs around your neck thing.

seven years is a long time. spend the next few months working on figuring out who you are right now. change the things you don't like, and keep the things you do. relax, and get drunk a few times with the guys at home. watch porn, go fishing, smoke big cigars, and work on your truck. you can't do any of these things when you have a serious woman in your life.

it was a long time. one reason she split is because i already know who i am and she still doesn't. she recently decided she wants kids. up 'til now, we had agreed that we weren't going to have any. (that was the biggy) replace porn with Goodfellas, and truck with motorcycles and that's what i've been doing. even built a nice poker table for guy night. the bad news is, that's what i've been doing for the last 7 years too. i have tons of hobbies and she had none. that was another big problem. but enough about that and back to the topic at hand;

i think i will carry just as i usually do and excercise much caution and awareness on the first few dates. i guess one good thing is that with the advent of internet dating and email and such, these conversations can take place before we even meet in person. i'm pretty timid about the whole internet dating thing though. i still like good old fashioned face to face communications but i suppose i have to adapt with the rest of world.

great advice all. always open for more.

Bobby

 

[sm]

When I am dating a new firearm for consideration for a more lasting relationship as CCW , say a semi-auto, if she don't put out 200 rds without a hiccup , including all magazines, and from prone, sitting, upside down, port up, port down...etc., I quit dating that firearm.

Being a guy and all - I have found this to be whole lot less expensive way to date and easier to figure out the female gender...

 

[EarlofSandwich]

when you get bored with being single, go to night school at the local college. pick a course in conversational french, or anthropology for amatures. join the young republicans club, volunteer at the ymca teaching kids how to swim. avoid women for any purpose other than friendship and cheap dinner dates. sooner than you want, a pretty girl will decide you are the right combination of masculine characteristics to complement her femininity. get the exposure, and they will find you.


Yeah, you have to get out there and just do stuff to possibly meet the right woman.
My luck has been that the women I am interested in aren't interested and the women that are interested in me I don't want anything to do with.
Oh well, more money in my pocket.