Girlfriend Doesn't Approve of Carrying

[ObsidianOne]

I know there has been a few threads based on this in the past, but I'm looking for some fresh information, some advice, or even just some info about someone else dealing with this situation.

Here we go...
I've had guns (.22LR and a Mossberg 500A) since my girlfriend and I met almost two years ago, and she has been mostly okay with it, no major complaints. She just doesn't really like going shooting with me because she thinks it's boring.
Fast foward to November, I acquire my first pistol as a birthday present, a .357 Magnum single action that is a family heirloom. Again, no problems.
I recently bought a Taurus 145SSP and have begun to carry it. To familiarize myself with carrying, I've been carrying around the house, and honestly, the only time I haven't had it on or within arm's reach has been to and from work, as it is not permitted.
She's been known to get jealous of material possessions (my truck, Xbox 360, computer, etc.), but as of lately she has been completely unreasonable.
Any time it is brought up, she hurls insults at me, saying that I'm "paranoid" or "insecure", and saying that carrying a loaded gun (magazine loaded, chamber unloaded) is wreckless and someone is going to get hurt, and she is dead set that it is going to be her.
It goes from a calm conversation to her screaming and crying instantly, to the point where I can't reason with her at all.

Now, she's not one to admit when she's scared, and I'm starting to think, maybe she's just really scared by it, or maybe she's just being jealous, as she has implied, claiming that I "care more about my guns than her" and that she feels like she is last in priorities in my life, despite me spending every waking moment of every day with her.
I'm trying to figure out how to resolve this, but at the same time, I'm not going to stop carrying just because she doesn't like it or feel it's neccesary.

 

[Pronghorn]

explain to her that the reason you are carrying is because you care for her so much, and you cant let anything happen to her. Introduce her to basic gun safety and explain how the chamber is empty and therefore can not go off accidentally. Don't contradict or talk back to her about the issue when she is in a frantic state of mind. Otherwise, it may just take time. Or just stop talking to her about it all together, thats why its called CONCEALED carry

 

[Texas Gun Person]

People who question as to why carry a gun always throw out the "paranoid" phrase for some reason. I had someone ask me once "do you think a gun is actually going to save your life?" Such a question shocked me. It's like asking "do you think a car is going to get you to the grocery store?"

As per your problem... there are always other fish in the sea. It's your girlfriend. Not your wife.



Carry concealed and don't give her any indications that you are carrying?

 

[Nushif]

The scenario seems familiar enough but man ...

the severity of the response is a bit ... odd. Maybe that's the core issue? Not carrying, not jealousy or anything but I'd be more concerned about the "instaflip."

 

[theory]

Explain the situation, take her shooting, and see what happens next. If she still has a problem with responsible gun ownership, it's time to find a new girlfriend.

 

[NOLAEMT]

She's been known to get jealous of material possessions (my truck, Xbox 360, computer, etc.), but as of lately she has been completely unreasonable.

Not to be rude, but it sounds like your GF has other problems beside just a fear of guns.
A partner should be supportive of your accomplishments and acquisitions, even if she doesn't understand them, provide that the basics are taken care of first.

My wife does not dislike guns, she has her ccw and owns a gun (a pretty little sig p230), but she has no interest in obtaining any other guns. She does not understand why I would want more than one, but as long as we have the money, she is still excited when I get a new gun, because she knows that it makes me excited.

You need to sit down with her and have a talk about why she does these things. It very well might have nothing to do with guns, and everything to do with jealousy.

 

[2WheelsGood]

People who question as to why carry a gun always throw out the "paranoid" phrase for some reason.

I think about it a lot like seatbelts. You may go your whole life without ever needing it, but you sure as hell better hope it's there when you do.

 

[Russ Jackson]

Try taking her to the range. Teach her to shoot. If she wont you will have a long unhappy life together. Yelling will get you nowhere. You said: she has been completely unreasonable. Two years and she acts this way? Cut your losses and move on. Celebrate and buy a Saiga 12...Russ

 

[ny32182]

She's been known to get jealous of material possessions (my truck, Xbox 360, computer, etc.).....

or maybe she's just being jealous, as she has implied, claiming that I "care more about my guns than her" and that she feels like she is last in priorities in my life, despite me spending every waking moment of every day with her.

Sounds to me like the guns are incidental to her emotional issues.

 

[ObsidianOne]

explain to her that the reason you are carrying is because you care for her so much, and you cant let anything happen to her. Introduce her to basic gun safety and explain how the chamber is empty and therefore can not go off accidentally. Don't contradict or talk back to her about the issue when she is in a frantic state of mind. Otherwise, it may just take time. Or just stop talking to her about it all together, thats why its called CONCEALED carry

Yeah, tried that one. She thinks I'm "overbearing" as far as protection goes.
She's very headstrong and is fearless in anything and everything she does. She used to go out on the "island" we have here in her car and just sit out there. Quite a few women have been raped in the area and is just generally unsafe to be out there at night.
She's familiar with gun safety and has been raised around guns all her life.
Any attempt at talking about guns, be it my excitement or just something in the news sets her off.
That's the thing, I understand how sensitive this kind of situation can be and I patiently try and talk to her, but her responses are just so erratic, she ends up shouting and crying about how she feels and instantly ends it before I can reply with "I don't want to talk about it".

People who question as to why carry a gun always throw out the "paranoid" phrase for some reason. I had someone ask me once "do you think a gun is actually going to save your life?" Such a question shocked me. It's like asking "do you think a car is going to get you to the grocery store?"

As per your problem... there are always other fish in the sea. It's your girlfriend. Not your wife.



Carry concealed and don't give her any indications that you are carrying?

The reason I think she feels it's not neccesary is that we live in a smaller city, and there has been quite a few substantial crimes and shootings here, she hasn't ever been in a position to need a gun or feel one is neccesary.

Lately I've been carrying concealed to the point where she hasn't noticed as much.
Obviously I can't wear a coat or my hooded sweatshirt at all hours of the day.

The scenario seems familiar enough but man ...

the severity of the response is a bit ... odd. Maybe that's the core issue? Not carrying, not jealousy or anything but I'd be more concerned about the "instaflip."

Provided, there is a lot of stress in our lives right now. Our job is relocating and we aren't going with it, and she isn't happy with the job right now anyways (making her upset, stressing her out, etc.).

Explain the situation, take her shooting, and see what happens next. If she still has a problem with responsible gun ownership, it's time to find a new girlfriend.

She refuses to go shooting, she claims it's boring and has no interest whatsoever. If I take her, she'll just sit there and do nothing.

Not to be rude, but it sounds like your GF has other problems beside just a fear of guns.
A partner should be supportive of your accomplishments and acquisitions, even if she doesn't understand them, provide that the basics are taken care of first.

My wife does not dislike guns, she has her ccw and owns a gun (a pretty little sig p230), but she has no interest in obtaining any other guns. She does not understand why I would want more than one, but as long as we have the money, she is still excited when I get a new gun, because she knows that it makes me excited.

You need to sit down with her and have a talk about why she does these things. It very well might have nothing to do with guns, and everything to do with jealousy.

Yeah, nothing I do is supported. Anything that becomes a focal point in my life, anything I get excited about, is considered "stupid" or "ridiculous" and thinks my priorities are out of place. My part of the bills are always paid in full, on time. I'm thinking that this is more to the point of the issue, but I'm not being quick to eliminate the issue with the gun as a standalone thing.

 

[Nagant]

Hmmm... dude, I agree with other folks here when they say that maybe it's time to start looking for other fishes in the sea... etc. Sounds like she's pretty irrational... and why do you want to be with someone who, to me, sounds like kind of a kill-joy? Trust me, you'll be happier with a girl who either enjoys shooting or understands the joy you get from shooting/the value of knowing how to shoot and is willing to have a good attitude about things...

Just my 2 cents...

 

[ObsidianOne]

Hmmm... dude, I agree with other folks here when they say that maybe it's time to start looking for other fishes in the sea... etc. Sounds like she's pretty irrational... and why do you want to be with someone who, to me, sounds like kind of a kill-joy? Trust me, you'll be happier with a girl who either enjoys shooting or understands the joy you get from shooting/the value of knowing how to shoot and is willing to have a good attitude about things...

Just my 2 cents...

The thought has crossed my mind, for more than just this issue.
We've been together for almost two years, and I love her, but if this trend seems to continue, it may end up coming to that.
I'm just hoping that this can be resolved, I'd rather fix something that just toss it to the curb.

 

[Manco]

To (re)state the obvious, there are a lot of "red flags" regarding your girlfriend's emotional stability. I'm not here to dole out relationship advice, but I will say hypothetically that if *I* were in your shoes, between the two I'd rather have a reliable gun at my side...especially when I dump the girlfriend. You may or may not feel differently, of course.

 

[jkulysses]

Just out of curiosity how old are the two of you??? You don't have to answer that but this sounds like either a very young girl with some issues or an adult with some very very serious issues. Either way you need to step back and ask yourself if this is how you want to live your life. If not then stop wasting your time and if she's like this now whats going to happen when your married?? I'm not a betting man but I would bet money it doesn't get any better. Your not just dealing with the fact that she doesn't like guns your dealing with a very hyper insecure and emotionally unstable girl. It's the stuff I have nightmares about cause it reminds me of my ex wife.

 

[k4swb]

I used to have a wife that acted the same way. That wasn't the only reason I "used to",...but it was a for sure contributing factor,.....

I agree.
I dated a woman briefly that I thought might be a good one until she spotted a gun in my car. She told me she was a pacifist and even if she were being raped she wouldn't fight back. I said I kinda liked that in a woman but she didn't think that was too funny. I then ran different situations by her while she kept getting madder. Finally found that while she wouldn't even condone shooting someone to save either of our lives, she would to protect her 4 year old son.
I knew I shouldn't have but I then called her a hiprocrite.
She did let me carry her home but I didn't even get the goodnight kiss.

 

[Roan]

You might want to try to honestly discuss, not the gun issue, but the fact that she won't support anything you do. Try to have a frank discussion, explaining tha you feel like she doesn't value anything you do and that she tries to sabotage anything that makes you happy. If she won't talk about this, there is almost no hope of saving the relationship. Try to be honest about how much it hurts you that she always tries to crush your excitment or desires. Try to figure out WHY she's doing this. Only by addressing this problem can any solution be found.

 

[JPG19]

Tell'er that with people flying off the handle so quickly now-a-days, you just can't be too careful.

 

[preachnhunt]

I'm pretty sure by now you know this isn't about guns. These kinds of issues grow worse,not better, with time. If she is being that unreasonable at 2 years you don't want to see what 10 or 15 would bring. Find someone who accepts and supports you for who you are. Whether she shoots or not is immaterial.

 

[kk0g]

I'm really not trying to be mean, but I don't beat around the bush much either; life is WAY too short to be wasting time with someone like her. Do you truly want to spend the rest of your life trying to change someone who is emotionally unstable, irrational, and completely non-supportive of your activities? If I were you I'd give this some serious thought.

 

[SharpsDressedMan]

Try a new tact. Tell here she is right, you ARE paranoid and insecure, and to get over it, because you are STILL going to carry a gun. Then give her NO REPLY if she continues to harass you. She'll get the point.

 

[NOLAEMT]

As someone who recently got married, I can tell you that the whole time I was dating my wife, I never had to worry about what she would think about my hobbies, or how I spent my money. We split the bills, including going out to dinner, etc. except for "dates" where I paid. We made sure to spend time together, but if I wanted to go shooting with the guys, go out drinking with friends or whatever, she would tell me to have fun, and let her know if I was going to be back later than expected so she didn't have to worry.

Being in a relationship is supposed to enrich your life, not complicate it, especially is the dating phase. I promise from experience that this is not going to get better by itself. You two either need to go to couples counseling or you need to split up.

 

[Red Cent]

Obsidianone,
I have been in administration most of my working life. I, and others, discovered that the real problem is deeper and the anger or emotional phases are the problem pushing things to the surface.
It has occurred to me that your girlfriend may be using this "situation" to move on herself.
Reminds me of my first wife. Didn't like guns. No hunting. She had temperature control. It started about August. Started getting cooler until deer season when it turned Artic.
We divorced in November. She remarried like the next June. They went to Colorado for a horseback elk hunting trip. Go figure.
I agree that you need to smell the roses.

 

[ArfinGreebly]

Not Helping

Some of the posts have been removed.

Can we just "take it as read" that a one-liner suggesting "dump the girl" is not helpful?

There are maybe three options: 1) work with the girl to get past this and help her to be more supportive and comfortable around firearms, 2) don't bother, just dump her and move on, and 3) take no action and hope that it will resolve on its own.

Let's try for somewhat more reasoned responses.

Also, for some orientation material, she should probably do some reading over on Kathy Jackson's Cornered Cat site. Kathy is a mother of five kids, an experienced trainer, and a long time concealed carrier herself. She is also a former moderator here at THR, a current moderator at The Firing Line, and editor of Concealed Carry Magazine. Her commentary is very relevant.

 

[MikeNice]

Sorry, but reading through this thread it sounds like she has mental issues that need addressing. If she is getting jealous of inanimate objects somebody has an issue. Either you are over the top and don't realize it, or she needs to seek a counselor.

 

[oldbear]

It goes from a calm conversation to her screaming and crying instantly, to the point where I can't reason with her at all.

Sadly it sounds as if you and your lady friend may never be able to resolve this, and along with her jealousy of some of your toys it may be time to rethink your relationship with her. Remember if you give in to her temper tantrums now that behavior may come out every time she does not get her way.