Gun Humor

[sierrabravo45]

Hopefully this hasn't been posted, but I got a forward today and thought I would pass it along.
I really like #3.

1. Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you.

2. If you find yourself in a fair fight, your tactics suck.

3. I carry a gun because a cop is too heavy.

4. America is not at war. The U. S. Military is at war. America is at the Mall.

5. When seconds count, the cops are just minutes away.

6. A reporter did a human interest piece on the Texas Rangers. The reporter recognized the Colt Model 1911 the Ranger was carrying and asked him "Why do you carry a 45? The Ranger responded with, "Because they don't make a .46."

7. An armed man will kill an unarmed man with monotonous regularity.

8. The old sheriff was attending an awards dinner when a lady commented on his wearing his sidearm. "Sheriff, I see you have your pistol. Are you expecting trouble?" "NO Ma'am. If I were expecting trouble, I would have brought my rifle."

9. Beware the man who only has one gun. HE PROBABLY KNOWS HOW TO USE IT!!!

 

[Hoppy590]

iv used number 8.

a simple response to any "why do you have a gun" that always ends an arguement

"why do you have a gun"
" incase i ever need to shoot something"

another good one
"but guns can kill!"
"i certainly hope so, thats kinda why i bought it"

"i dont believe in guns"
"i assure you ma'am, they do exist"

 

[Colt46]

#6 seems oddly familiar to me

Wonder why?

 

[RLsnow]

Gun Humor? i didnt think such a thing existed!

 

[Havegunjoe]

"i dont believe in guns"
"i assure you ma'am, they do exist"


I like to answer to this comment that "guns don't believe in you either".

 

[Nolo]

I think that the whole "I don't believe in guns" thing (which I hear a lot) is absurd. I don't believe in global warming. Which is to say that I don't think it exists. You don't believe in guns? I'll show you one.
I know it's rather pointless to highlight this idiocy, but it bugs the crap outta me.

 

[AZ_Rebel]

Some of our THR Posters are often ambushed by #1

 

[littlegator]

NO Ma'am. If I were expecting trouble, I would have brought my rifle

When I first skimmed that, I thought it said, "No Ma'am. If I were expecting trouble, I would have brought my wife." I, of course, agreed.

 

[Mulliganpaintdee]

#1 is so true, though I didnt give him the chance to kill me. I said to him, thats a cute little pistol you got there and casually walked away

 

[sig226]

The gun store where I used to work in New Jersey also sold clothing and camping gear, which attracted lots of far left members of society. A popular remark when they passed the hunting rifles was, "Anyone who would shoot an animal should be killed."

I used to smile and tell them, "And just think, if you owned one of these fine firearms, you'd be able to do just that."

 

[Vonderek]

Those are all good. Except for #9...I hear that one all the time. All the people I know who only own one gun are those people who bought it, shot it once (if at all), and now keep it in a sock drawer or nightstand and think they are ready for anything.

 

[Sisco]

4. America is not at war. The U. S. Military is at war. America is at the Mall.

5. When seconds count, the cops are just minutes away.

Those have to be my favorites.

 

[mekender]

tracers work both ways

friendly fire isn't

Me: "im glad i got this belt 2 sizes bigger than i needed"
Wife: "why? you getting fatter"
Me: "no, it makes it easier to carry my 9mm"
Wife: rolls her eyes

 

[iiibdsiil]

Guns are nothing to joke about guys...

 

[Geno]

Can't recall who said it:

"You need to move. In 3 seconds, I intend to fire right where you have been standing."

Alternate:

"You're standing directly in my intended line-of-fire."

Geno

 

[hardhit777]

i personaly like the one in my sig line but thats just me

HH

 

[TallPine]

So how old do you have to be to qualify for #1 ?

 

[AZ_Rebel]

So how old do you have to be to qualify for #1 ?

There is not a finite number attached - But... if you ask... you are obviously a little short! Sorry...

 

[Otahyoni]

Here is some jokes. Murphey's Laws or Combat Operations. Some are gun related, some aren't. I find most of them funny anyway.

 

[gbran]

Gun control is like trying to reduce drunk driving by making it tougher for sober people to own cars.

I saw this here on THR, but can't remember who coined it.

 

[lee-enfeild]

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't

 

[Walter]

TallPine So how old do you have to be to qualify for #1 ?

Old enough to not give a damn. You'll know it when you get there.

Walter

 

[Superlite27]

Sign on my door:

Attention Criminals: If your body is found here tonight, your body will be found here tomorrow.

 

[Bitmap]

9. Beware the man who only has one gun. HE PROBABLY KNOWS HOW TO USE IT!!!

I'll fix it for you:

9. Beware the man who only has one gun. He is probably a Fudd and will violate all four rules of firearm safety.

 

[Rumble]

"i assure you ma'am, they do exist"

Oddly enough, this line (or one similar) popped up on the show Criminal Minds the other week. One character hands another a gun to protect herself during a dramatic moment, and she says, "But I don't believe in guns!" His response is, "Trust me, they're very real." Did my heart good.

I'm reminded of one I saw here somewhere a long time ago, that was something like:

".30-06: turning cover into concealment for over a hundred years."