Seancass
Member
thats so good i had to quote it and think i'll use it elsewhere.
Gun Humor
- Thread starter sierrabravo45
- Start date
- Status
thats so good i had to quote it and think i'll use it elsewhere.
Superlite27
Member
- Joined
- Nov 29, 2007
- Messages
- 712
This is the most anti-gun show I have seen on T.V. in a long time. I'm watching just to compile a list.
1) Any civilian gun owner is usually portrayed as
1. dirty, unshaven, sloppily dressed.
2. red-neck
3. racist
4. criminal
5. unintelligent
2) On one episode, they identified a bullet as 7.62, then everyone
freaked out and warned all the police and fellow good guys
"Oh my God! He's got an ASSAULT RIFLE!" They made cell phone
calls and radio broadcasts warning everyone that this guy was
especially dangerous because he was using an assault rifle.
3) In one episode a car got blown up with a hand grenade. They
explained that the suspect was "ex-military". Evidently, if you
are prior-service, you must routinely carry hand grenades around
and blow up things. All the veterans I know have boxes
of hand grenades lying around.
I know. I know. If I hate the show so much, why watch it?
I just want to see what evil they attribute to gun owners next.
Joe Demko
Member
Your gun and your genitals are alike in one respect: you shouldn't display either one to strangers.
Rumble
Member
Oh, no doubt. I was simply pleased by a decent comeback to the "don't believe in guns" comment.
ZeSpectre
Member
My entire collection
Anti Gun statements and pithy comebacks…
"I hate guns."
• "I despise ignorance. Your point is?"
• Why? (and be ready for the most insane reasons).
• Who said you had to have one?
Blood will flow in the streets
• Until the criminals learn we’re also armed and then they’ll stop trying.
This isn’t the wild west
• It sure isn’t, the bad guys then only had six-shooters
“Guns are dangerous”
• “Good God I hope so, wouldn’t be much point in lugging it around otherwise now would there?”
• So are cars, swimming pools, chainsaws, chlorine bleach, smoking, alcohol, etc. (Now this one is usually followed by some comeback along the lines of “but guns only have one purpose” which leads to the next set of...
• Nah, criminals with guns are dangerous.
"Guns are only made to Kill." / “Guns have no purpose but killing”
• Actually guns are made to shoot a projectile in an accurate and repeatable fashion, now what the PERSON holding the gun decides to do with that capability is up to them.”
• “Or to defend a person from a killer.”
• “well mine must be defective because I use them in competitions all the time and nobody has died”.
"All guns should be outlawed."
• I’d rather outlaw crime.
• "Then only outlaws will have guns and they'll probably use them against unarmed citizens, like you."
• Why, because people can’t control themselves? Are you saying I can’t control myself? That’s pretty judgmental of you.
"Only the military and police should have guns."
• Why (and be ready for your head to explode as they try to justify that statement)
• "See any policemen or soldiers nearby?"
• "That worked so well in Europe back in the 30's didn't it?" - be ready to explain a bit of history if you use this one.
"I'll never own/touch a gun."
• "Why don't you post a sign that says just that outside your front door?"
• I’m willing to let you make that choice why are you so dead set on letting me make mine?
Only the (police, government, military, etc) have enough training to handle guns.
• Are you sure about that?
"I depend on the Police to keep me safe."
• "You probably don't remember the Rodney King riots in LA then, right?"
• "You've been lucky so far, eh?"
• "If you expect the police to always be able to protect you, why are the ones who show up at crimes called 'detectives' instead of 'defenders'? Detectives try to find a criminal after they've committed a crime."
• “Because when seconds count the police are only minutes away”
• “Did you know that an average of 100,000 calls to 911 go unanswered every year?”
"I don't believe in guns"
• “Let me assure you, they do exist”
• “Well, they exist. So does rape, murder, beatings and burglary.”
• “Do you also not believe in violent criminals?”
• But if you call the police for help I bet you expect them to be armed.
“ Civilians don't need firearms”
• “ I have 5 words for you "Katrina, Los Angeles and Auschwitz."
"that's an extreme and silly argument"
• "two of the 3 happened in the last decade and the unarmed were victims of criminals who didn't care if their weapons were illegal. In 2 of the 3 cases the courts said the police don't have to give a damn about your safety, and in the 3rd the police helped commit the crime."
“Civilians don’t need firearms” (part II)
• "Of course not, because when seconds count the police are only minutes away.”
• “You do know it’s called the “Bill of Rights” not the “Bill of Needs”
• “Nobody “needs” a sports car either. They only seat two, have terrible fuel efficiency, and cars kill far more people than guns ever do. At least my gun has the redeeming quality of being a useful tool to protect my life.”
"why do you carry a gun?"
• "Because I can't carry a cop!"
• "Because it's more convenient than a broadsword."
• "One violent crime every 6 seconds seems like a good reason."
• (for women) "One rape every two minutes seems like a good reason."
• "Because I can't train it to follow me."
• "Because it gets all scratched up if I drag it behind me."
• Do you believe people should be allowed to defend themselves? (usually answered yes), Do you believe people should be allowed to learn martial arts to do it? (usually answered yes), Well, shooting is a martial art. We just don't wear the funny outfits.
• "Madame, I believe in being prepared." -Gen. George Patton
• I carry a gun because, in this dangerous world, I may have to kill a criminal to save an innocent's life (probably my own, maybe yours).
"why do you carry a gun are you planning on shooting someone?"
• “Why do you wear a seatbelt, are you planning on a crash?”
• “Why do you have fire insurance, planning on burning down your house?”
• “Only if I really, really, have to”.
• “Only if they threaten my life”
“I don't know why you need a gun”
• “I bet there are a lot of things you don't know”
“Guns cause crime”
• “Spoons cause fat”
• “Cars cause drunk driving accidents”.
“You must be compensating for something”
• “My inability to throw a rock accurately at 1200 fps”
• “If I were I doubt I’d choose a 4” barrel.”
“ They should ban all guns to stop all this violence”
• “Look how well banning things worked for prohibition and the war on drugs”
• That worked well at Virginia Tech (Luby’s, Columbine, etc) didn’t it.
• Sure because Genghis Kahn was so peaceable before guns were invented.
"No one should own a gun."
• Why because sometimes people misuse them? In that case nobody should own cars, alcohol, spray paints, etc. etc.
• “Interestingly, the cities with the strictest gun control have the greatest gun crime problems. Why? Because regular citizens are unarmed and the criminals know it.”
"Why are you into guns?"
• Why are you afraid of guns?
• Why do you hate guns?
• "Because it's fun, actually. Like golf, you compete against yourself, hone your skills, improve your concentration. Unlike golf, those skills can be used to protect myself and family in times of crisis."
• “I like history. Guns are historic. But more than that, I can think of no other hobby that opens such a wide variety of scientific, historical and social topics. Do golfers discuss the metallurgy in their clubs? No. Do bowlers discuss the historical significance of the pins? No. Guns, reloading and shooting have introduced me to metallurgy, history, physics, chemistry, research, mathematics, social studies, law, politics, military history, wildlife biology, mechanics and a host of other sciences.”
"Even if one child is saved, banning guns would be worth it."
• "Uh-huh. But wouldn't it also be true that if a gun saved just one child's life, having guns would be worth it?"
• Okay, let's take that further. Far more children die on our nation's highways than from guns. So, let's reduce the nationwide highway and freeway speed limit to 35 mph. Boy, wouldn't that save lives?
• And as for what constitutes a "child," consider this: Until a few years ago, Handgun Control Inc. skewed its figures by defining a child up to the age of 20! I'm sure that the 19-year-old Marine returning from combat was astounded to learn he was still a child.
• Many of those "child" shootings include shootings by and toward gang members. A 15-year-old gang member, shot by police in defense, finds his way into the HCI statistics. Or a 15-year-old gang member killed by rival members is listed by HCI. Kinda changes the whole outlook of those "statistics" doesn't it?
“We have to protect the children”
• I’ve taught (or I’d teach) my children to protect themselves
"Why do you have guns?"
• "Protection."
"What about the police? Why not call them?"
• "Poor response times."
"You know this from personal experience?"
• "Yes.”
“I don’t think just anybody should have a gun”
• “I agree completely but the criminals won’t listen no matter how many laws get passed”
"They can take it away and use it to kill you"
• "If I draw a gun it is because they ALREADY have the means to kill me and I am in fear of my life”.
• “Ah so you are saying they already plan to kill me so I should be unarmed?”
• "If it’s that easy then I’ll just take it right back"
• “They’ll have a tough time because the gun will already be empty” (imply you’d shoot it out).
"You’re carrying a gun? Why? How often do you think people get killed around here, anyway?"
• "Once."
XXX commit suicide with guns every year
• And a lot more commit suicide without guns every year.
Guns need to be strictly controlled
• Guns ARE strictly controlled unfortunately criminals are NOT.
Person #1: "You gun-lovers and your weapons are a danger to society. I wish you would get the hell out and start a country of your own!"
• Person #2: "We did, it’s called the United States of America, where did YOU come from?"
Anti Gun statements and pithy comebacks…
"I hate guns."
• "I despise ignorance. Your point is?"
• Why? (and be ready for the most insane reasons).
• Who said you had to have one?
Blood will flow in the streets
• Until the criminals learn we’re also armed and then they’ll stop trying.
This isn’t the wild west
• It sure isn’t, the bad guys then only had six-shooters
“Guns are dangerous”
• “Good God I hope so, wouldn’t be much point in lugging it around otherwise now would there?”
• So are cars, swimming pools, chainsaws, chlorine bleach, smoking, alcohol, etc. (Now this one is usually followed by some comeback along the lines of “but guns only have one purpose” which leads to the next set of...
• Nah, criminals with guns are dangerous.
"Guns are only made to Kill." / “Guns have no purpose but killing”
• Actually guns are made to shoot a projectile in an accurate and repeatable fashion, now what the PERSON holding the gun decides to do with that capability is up to them.”
• “Or to defend a person from a killer.”
• “well mine must be defective because I use them in competitions all the time and nobody has died”.
"All guns should be outlawed."
• I’d rather outlaw crime.
• "Then only outlaws will have guns and they'll probably use them against unarmed citizens, like you."
• Why, because people can’t control themselves? Are you saying I can’t control myself? That’s pretty judgmental of you.
"Only the military and police should have guns."
• Why (and be ready for your head to explode as they try to justify that statement)
• "See any policemen or soldiers nearby?"
• "That worked so well in Europe back in the 30's didn't it?" - be ready to explain a bit of history if you use this one.
"I'll never own/touch a gun."
• "Why don't you post a sign that says just that outside your front door?"
• I’m willing to let you make that choice why are you so dead set on letting me make mine?
Only the (police, government, military, etc) have enough training to handle guns.
• Are you sure about that?
"I depend on the Police to keep me safe."
• "You probably don't remember the Rodney King riots in LA then, right?"
• "You've been lucky so far, eh?"
• "If you expect the police to always be able to protect you, why are the ones who show up at crimes called 'detectives' instead of 'defenders'? Detectives try to find a criminal after they've committed a crime."
• “Because when seconds count the police are only minutes away”
• “Did you know that an average of 100,000 calls to 911 go unanswered every year?”
"I don't believe in guns"
• “Let me assure you, they do exist”
• “Well, they exist. So does rape, murder, beatings and burglary.”
• “Do you also not believe in violent criminals?”
• But if you call the police for help I bet you expect them to be armed.
“ Civilians don't need firearms”
• “ I have 5 words for you "Katrina, Los Angeles and Auschwitz."
"that's an extreme and silly argument"
• "two of the 3 happened in the last decade and the unarmed were victims of criminals who didn't care if their weapons were illegal. In 2 of the 3 cases the courts said the police don't have to give a damn about your safety, and in the 3rd the police helped commit the crime."
“Civilians don’t need firearms” (part II)
• "Of course not, because when seconds count the police are only minutes away.”
• “You do know it’s called the “Bill of Rights” not the “Bill of Needs”
• “Nobody “needs” a sports car either. They only seat two, have terrible fuel efficiency, and cars kill far more people than guns ever do. At least my gun has the redeeming quality of being a useful tool to protect my life.”
"why do you carry a gun?"
• "Because I can't carry a cop!"
• "Because it's more convenient than a broadsword."
• "One violent crime every 6 seconds seems like a good reason."
• (for women) "One rape every two minutes seems like a good reason."
• "Because I can't train it to follow me."
• "Because it gets all scratched up if I drag it behind me."
• Do you believe people should be allowed to defend themselves? (usually answered yes), Do you believe people should be allowed to learn martial arts to do it? (usually answered yes), Well, shooting is a martial art. We just don't wear the funny outfits.
• "Madame, I believe in being prepared." -Gen. George Patton
• I carry a gun because, in this dangerous world, I may have to kill a criminal to save an innocent's life (probably my own, maybe yours).
"why do you carry a gun are you planning on shooting someone?"
• “Why do you wear a seatbelt, are you planning on a crash?”
• “Why do you have fire insurance, planning on burning down your house?”
• “Only if I really, really, have to”.
• “Only if they threaten my life”
“I don't know why you need a gun”
• “I bet there are a lot of things you don't know”
“Guns cause crime”
• “Spoons cause fat”
• “Cars cause drunk driving accidents”.
“You must be compensating for something”
• “My inability to throw a rock accurately at 1200 fps”
• “If I were I doubt I’d choose a 4” barrel.”
“ They should ban all guns to stop all this violence”
• “Look how well banning things worked for prohibition and the war on drugs”
• That worked well at Virginia Tech (Luby’s, Columbine, etc) didn’t it.
• Sure because Genghis Kahn was so peaceable before guns were invented.
"No one should own a gun."
• Why because sometimes people misuse them? In that case nobody should own cars, alcohol, spray paints, etc. etc.
• “Interestingly, the cities with the strictest gun control have the greatest gun crime problems. Why? Because regular citizens are unarmed and the criminals know it.”
"Why are you into guns?"
• Why are you afraid of guns?
• Why do you hate guns?
• "Because it's fun, actually. Like golf, you compete against yourself, hone your skills, improve your concentration. Unlike golf, those skills can be used to protect myself and family in times of crisis."
• “I like history. Guns are historic. But more than that, I can think of no other hobby that opens such a wide variety of scientific, historical and social topics. Do golfers discuss the metallurgy in their clubs? No. Do bowlers discuss the historical significance of the pins? No. Guns, reloading and shooting have introduced me to metallurgy, history, physics, chemistry, research, mathematics, social studies, law, politics, military history, wildlife biology, mechanics and a host of other sciences.”
"Even if one child is saved, banning guns would be worth it."
• "Uh-huh. But wouldn't it also be true that if a gun saved just one child's life, having guns would be worth it?"
• Okay, let's take that further. Far more children die on our nation's highways than from guns. So, let's reduce the nationwide highway and freeway speed limit to 35 mph. Boy, wouldn't that save lives?
• And as for what constitutes a "child," consider this: Until a few years ago, Handgun Control Inc. skewed its figures by defining a child up to the age of 20! I'm sure that the 19-year-old Marine returning from combat was astounded to learn he was still a child.
• Many of those "child" shootings include shootings by and toward gang members. A 15-year-old gang member, shot by police in defense, finds his way into the HCI statistics. Or a 15-year-old gang member killed by rival members is listed by HCI. Kinda changes the whole outlook of those "statistics" doesn't it?
“We have to protect the children”
• I’ve taught (or I’d teach) my children to protect themselves
"Why do you have guns?"
• "Protection."
"What about the police? Why not call them?"
• "Poor response times."
"You know this from personal experience?"
• "Yes.”
“I don’t think just anybody should have a gun”
• “I agree completely but the criminals won’t listen no matter how many laws get passed”
"They can take it away and use it to kill you"
• "If I draw a gun it is because they ALREADY have the means to kill me and I am in fear of my life”.
• “Ah so you are saying they already plan to kill me so I should be unarmed?”
• "If it’s that easy then I’ll just take it right back"
• “They’ll have a tough time because the gun will already be empty” (imply you’d shoot it out).
"You’re carrying a gun? Why? How often do you think people get killed around here, anyway?"
• "Once."
XXX commit suicide with guns every year
• And a lot more commit suicide without guns every year.
Guns need to be strictly controlled
• Guns ARE strictly controlled unfortunately criminals are NOT.
Person #1: "You gun-lovers and your weapons are a danger to society. I wish you would get the hell out and start a country of your own!"
• Person #2: "We did, it’s called the United States of America, where did YOU come from?"
A reporter was doing a story on a Boy Scout troop that happened to be earning the shooting badge the female reporter asked about gun safety and then about responsibility all headed down the road of antigun then she asked about hunting lastly she made a statement of "So you are equiping these boys to be killers" And the troop master responded "Let me answer that with a question........You are equiped to be a prostitute but you arn't one are you?"
Parody story as I have seen several versons of it all ending the same.
Parody story as I have seen several versons of it all ending the same.
trickyasafox
Member
when people tell me they don't believe in guns i like to respond by saying i don't believe in the color red.
very silly- but sometimes i can't help but laugh at a bad joke
very silly- but sometimes i can't help but laugh at a bad joke
TallPine
Member
"Why do you carry a gun?"
"Because they are so very comfortable. I think in the future everyone will be wearing them."
"Because they are so very comfortable. I think in the future everyone will be wearing them."
scbair
Member
Re: #9:
Vonderek & Bitmap, in our affluent worlds
, perhaps the "one-gun man" is a Fudd or non-shooter. Some THR members have a different firearm for each day of the week (with a BBQ gun for Sunday mornin'). Where I grew up, a lot of farmers and laborers could only afford one firearm Often, that was a hand-me-down from Pop or Granddad. Often, a single-shot top-break 12 or 16 gauge shotgun.
This was used for hunting, varmint control, and things that went bump in the night. It had no finish, and might rattle when shaken. Even if it were a beat-up old single-shot, you could count on three things:
1) The man (or lady) of the house WOULD shoot.
2) That worthy individual COULD shoot (that firearm). And,
3) Any survivors would be bludgeoned . . .
I think #9 is a valid adage.
Vonderek & Bitmap, in our affluent worlds
, perhaps the "one-gun man" is a Fudd or non-shooter. Some THR members have a different firearm for each day of the week (with a BBQ gun for Sunday mornin'). Where I grew up, a lot of farmers and laborers could only afford one firearm Often, that was a hand-me-down from Pop or Granddad. Often, a single-shot top-break 12 or 16 gauge shotgun.This was used for hunting, varmint control, and things that went bump in the night. It had no finish, and might rattle when shaken. Even if it were a beat-up old single-shot, you could count on three things:
1) The man (or lady) of the house WOULD shoot.
2) That worthy individual COULD shoot (that firearm). And,
3) Any survivors would be bludgeoned . . .
I think #9 is a valid adage.
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