If John Kerry had been President...
If John Kerry had been President at the time of the attack on Pearl Harbor, his speech to Congress would have gone something like this:
Yesterday, December 7, 1941, a date that will live in infamy, air and naval forces of the Empire of Japan attacked the American naval base at Pearl Harbor. Against my direct orders, and without giving me an opportunity to consult with the League of Nations, American forces fired back, unfortunately killing several gallant and noble Japanese airmen. This conduct is not acceptable and cannot be allowed without a test of world opinion and the support of polls within the United States.
Tomorrow I will fly to Japan to publicly apologize to the Emperor and to the families of the brave young men who fell victim to the war criminals and baby killers who comprise the American armed forces. I will surrender all United States forces in the Pacific region to the Japanese Empire and make arrangements for the swift occupation of the states west of the Mississippi by the good and kind armies of Japan.
Next week, I will go to France to meet with Marshal Petain and Monsieur Laval, who have kindly arranged the terms for the surrender of American forces in the Atlantic area to the victorious and truly noble forces of our new friend and ally, Adolf Hitler. I will discuss personally with Herr Hitler the terms under which German forces will occupy the remainder of the United States. This will be carried out under the auspices of the League of Nations, the world government that supercedes the outdated and obsolete U.S. Constitution and the ideas of democracy and so-called freedom. I am authorizing my Secretary of State, Joseph Kennedy, a friend of Herr Hitler, to work out the details of the alliance with Germany.
These actions by my administration will create a stronger America, and one which will set an example to the rest of the world, especially to stubborn and recalcitrant people like Winston Churchill, with his silly "V for Victory" sign. He persists in fighting the wrong war at the wrong time, against the wrong enemy. But we cannot allow ourselves to be dragged into conflict because of ridiculous old ideas of freedom and nationalism. We cannot defeat the forces of true progress; we can and will join them. I have brought you peace in our time.
Thank you and good evening.
If John Kerry had been President at the time of the attack on Pearl Harbor, his speech to Congress would have gone something like this:
Yesterday, December 7, 1941, a date that will live in infamy, air and naval forces of the Empire of Japan attacked the American naval base at Pearl Harbor. Against my direct orders, and without giving me an opportunity to consult with the League of Nations, American forces fired back, unfortunately killing several gallant and noble Japanese airmen. This conduct is not acceptable and cannot be allowed without a test of world opinion and the support of polls within the United States.
Tomorrow I will fly to Japan to publicly apologize to the Emperor and to the families of the brave young men who fell victim to the war criminals and baby killers who comprise the American armed forces. I will surrender all United States forces in the Pacific region to the Japanese Empire and make arrangements for the swift occupation of the states west of the Mississippi by the good and kind armies of Japan.
Next week, I will go to France to meet with Marshal Petain and Monsieur Laval, who have kindly arranged the terms for the surrender of American forces in the Atlantic area to the victorious and truly noble forces of our new friend and ally, Adolf Hitler. I will discuss personally with Herr Hitler the terms under which German forces will occupy the remainder of the United States. This will be carried out under the auspices of the League of Nations, the world government that supercedes the outdated and obsolete U.S. Constitution and the ideas of democracy and so-called freedom. I am authorizing my Secretary of State, Joseph Kennedy, a friend of Herr Hitler, to work out the details of the alliance with Germany.
These actions by my administration will create a stronger America, and one which will set an example to the rest of the world, especially to stubborn and recalcitrant people like Winston Churchill, with his silly "V for Victory" sign. He persists in fighting the wrong war at the wrong time, against the wrong enemy. But we cannot allow ourselves to be dragged into conflict because of ridiculous old ideas of freedom and nationalism. We cannot defeat the forces of true progress; we can and will join them. I have brought you peace in our time.
Thank you and good evening.