Lacking the killer instinct?

[SimplyChad]

I have a question i just can't seem to find an answer to. Im guessing the great people here on THR can help. Im married and something that has came up do to recent events is that my wife just doesn't seem to have the ability to shoot to kill. i can't go into to many details but a drunk guy tried to force his way through the door of our home and she tryed to talk him away without even bringing the gun or at least letting the dogs out. I hope ive finnally got through to her but is there anyway yall could think of to open her eyes?

 

[LJ-MosinFreak-Buck]

My reasoning would be to tell her that if she can't learn to shoot to protect herself, she'll be cheating herself out of life. Tell her about harsh realities. Maybe even scare her a little (though scaring her may not be the best way to handle it). Many bad things can happen to someone who does nothing.

 

[9mmepiphany]

While it has become a common part of our lexicon, the is no Killer Instinct .

The instinct that is being tapped into is the instinct to take; greed/selfishness...on a higher plane To Covet

What you need to explain to her is how being selfish isn't always bad and that her selfishness in wanting not to be hurt outweigh that of others. The problem, IMO, is that she was raised to be charitable and giving...it is an emotion, that is not easily reasoned with

 

[JustinJ]

Short of telling her to join the marines i'm not so sure anything you can do will help. The reasons to protect one's life are fairly obvious. And i would seriously doubt anybody here knows of a way to do so that has shown to be effective as in tried and true.

 

[Sheepdog1968]

I would suggest purchasing and reading "On Killing" by Lt Col. Grossman. It is an excellent book and deals with this exact topic in a schollarly detailed manner. His "On Combat" book is a good read as well.

The key buzz words are "operant conditioning." You and your wife should attend some high quality classes to practice shooting at humanoid targets. At your range, purchase and use the photo realistic targets to get used to shooting at human images. Do it over and over. Then, find a place where you can purchase targets that are three dimensional thin plastic torsos of humans and put t-shirts and ball caps on them and shoot at them. Do this over and over. Try some paintball shooting at each other at a paint ball facility (and let your wife hit you). Then take a real force on force training class where you shoot with airsofts or simunitions at others. This slow and steady approach will help condition you.

This can be considered by some as quite macabe. However, if you are serious about self defense you need to make peace with having to hurt/stop an individual which may result in crippling or killing them well in advance of any event. From the numerous training classes (firearms and martial arts), it's become clear to me that things will happen very quickly when they escalate and there simply is no time for hesitation. He who hesitates is dead.

I have a black belt and have taugh martial arts classes for on the order of 30 years. The same problem exists there as well. Humans by nature don't want to hurt and kill each other. This is a good thing. However, there are times when you will need to defend yourself. Taking martial art classes is a good idea as well. It gives you other options to defending yourself and may help you get more used to human conflict.

Also, having a dog that might step in a defend you is a good thing as well. My brother has a Rottwieler that is very sweet to the close family. The dog has no sense of humor when it comes to non-family members invading his space.

Again, this is all my personal thoughts. Do what you think is best. I'm glad you have had a wake up call to rethink everything that didn't result in your wife getting hurt.

 

[Telekinesis]

I don't know your family situation, but do you have kids? If you do, ask her what she thinks would happen if that guy were to get through her and get to your kids. Especially if you're not there, she's the only line of defense for them, and a drunk guy breaking into your house isn't likely to be the gentlest with a young children...

ALL of the mothers I know wouldn't think twice about beating the living .... out of someone trying to get to their kids.

 

[jfdavis58]

Buy good locks and get a through the door peep-hole device.

Frankly, shooting a belligerent drunk is not typically self defense. Nor does it call for brandishing a firearm or loosing the dog. Not granting access is the solution, hence the first suggestion.

You wife has wide-open eyes and I have little doubt that she could kill---it just wasn't necessary at that time in her opinion.

Frankly, about the best/worst I would have done is a quick shove back through the door--applied in a no-nonsense way with great surprise. Then 911.

Not every negative encounter demands either the introduction or use of deadly force---sometimes just a little common sense and planning work much better.

 

[X-Rap]

Serious talk about assults, especially to women, and the repercussions of living with such. I know many women that have a difficult time with the notion of killing to preserve their own life but if it would come to one of their children the answer is different, try to get her of the mindset that saving her life is as important as that of a child and what the childs life would be like after witnessing its mother taken by a violent assult vs. how that child would live being witness to its mother protecting herself and surviving.

 

[Matthew Temkin]

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/04/mom-kills-intruder_n_1183336.html

 

[9mmepiphany]

I would suggest purchasing and reading "On Killing" by Lt Col. Grossman. It is an excellent book and deals with this exact topic in a schollarly detailed manner.

This is an excellent recommendation

 

[Telekinesis]

Frankly, shooting a belligerent drunk is not typically self defense. Nor does it call for brandishing a firearm or loosing the dog.

For a regular belligerent drunk just out in public, I'd say you're right. But when that belligerent drunk is trying to forcibly enter into an occupied home where he has no right to be, that is pretty clear self defense. I'm not saying shoot him through the door, but once he breaches the door and starts coming towards you (or the OP's wife in this case) I find it hard to believe that someone WOULDN'T call that self defense. I can tell you with certainty that anyone who tries to break down my door won't be greeted with calm requests that they please leave.

Upgrading the locks is a good suggestion, though don't forget the door jam and the screws that hold in the hinges.

 

[Magoo]

Grossman's book is an excellent read. I'll happily loan you two my copy if you'd like-just shoot me a P.M..

You'll get an in depth of explanation of why Sheepdog1968 made the recommendations he did. It might sound overboard, but you'll read why he said what he did. After reading the book (and having not done such training) I had no choice but to question what I would actually do "if...".

 

[xXxplosive]

Some people just need the Bejesus scared out of them once.....to see the light.....sounds like the ole' It Can't Happen To Me syndrom.........if not.....your married to Queen Of The Lefty's......good luck.

 

[Deaf Smith]

Lacking the killer instinct?

I don't lack a killer instinct. What I do lack is a murder's instinct.

I'll kill if I have to, but I sure don't go looking for it. I've got alot better things to do in my life.

Deaf

 

[Mike Sr.]

If she believe's in the 10 Commandments then ask to her to contemplate this:


Thou shalt not kill means thou shall not be killed!

 

[hso]

I'm not sure she read the situation incorrectly. Kill isn't the default correct response to all negative encounters.

Did he assault her in any way or just push his way into your home in spite of her repeated attempt to keep him out? If he didn't attack her, she may have chosen the correct path and you're overreacting.

Would you have killed him if you thought he was just an [strike]instant [/strike] insistent drunk?

 

[mljdeckard]

This is why we say; "Mindset, skillset, toolset, in THAT order."

SHE has to come to the decision that she would rather kill than die. Maybe she will do it slowly. Maybe she won't get there at all. You can point examples out to her, show her where one is more important than the other, but you can't force it.

 

[DagoRed]

I suggest getting her pepper spray and a tazer unit. She might never be able to pull a trigger and end a life.

 

[Armored farmer]

...just wondering....
You have any kids??

 

[MuleRyder]

I'm wondering what was the outcome of this event? The OP said a drunk guy was trying to force his way in and she tried to talk him away. Did it work? Did she "talk" him away? Did he just give up and leave? Did she call 911? What happened?

 

[Sam1911]

I have to second HSO's comments! As I was reading, the thought crossed my mind that you're reporting about this thing that scared you and nearly, maybe could have been something worse. But you AREN'T reporting about her being assaulted or killed.

That means thing worked out perfectly. I'm not saying that she reacted out of wisdom rather than fear or misplaced generosity. But the fact is, she did whatever needed to be done to find the most positive possible outcome. No death, no blood, no stray projectiles striking others, no trip to the police station, no bio-hazard cleanup, no court appearance, no long-term psychological effects.

She needs to develop the wisest safety practices, and should understand that the time may come that she has to shoot someone or be killed.

But the truth is that the way this ended could not have been improved by her getting the gun, and certainly could only have been worse had she fired that gun.

We often like to talk about having multiple tools in the tool box, and how not every situation needs to have a shooting solution. Your wife had the smarts and capacity to find a non-shooting solution. That's a GOOD thing. She may need to understand the other, less pleasant, tools in the toolbox, but she hasn't FAILED anything. Be proud of her and congratulate her of doing so well.

 

[Byrd666]

Not being rude by the below, but it may be something you can use in an attempt to awaken her to a possible reality.

From your local Law Enforcement Officer " Mr. SimplyChad, I regret to inform you that your wife was killed by a belligerent drunk. It is our understanding that your wife tried to talk the drunk out of killing her. Unfortunately your wife was unable to talk sense into the man and she was raped and killed. We found an unfired firearm within her reach that we believe would have ended this confrontation without the resulting death of your wife.

Being the recipient of an unwanted gunshot wound that left me partially paralyzed, I think I can vouch for the need of being able to react/respond to physical or violent aggression. As mentioned before, the "it can't happen to me" stuff is simply bs. Go to almost any local hospital and you will see the effects of those people that thought that. Reality being what it is, the odds of a person being raped, robbed/mugged, home invaded/robbed or simply just being accosted or attacked by a no good whatever are relatively high. Varies by locale of course.

I'm not saying violence or gunfire/gun use is always needed. I pray I NEVER have to use mine for that purpose ever. But already having been the person that was acted against violently in a drive by type shooting, house robbed, and having been robbed at gunpoint in a bar, I can feel fairly certain it ain't gonna happen again.

And yes, all this did happen to me and I am a real, live, genuine person.

Byrd

 

[Old Fuff]

I don't have much of a killer instinct.

But I have a strong sense of survival.

Self-defense is not so much about killing - which may or may not be necessary - but about survival - before, during and after an unprovoked attack.

Situational awareness is as much of a survival tool as a weapon, which should be a last resort. Foreseeing situations and mentally planning how to meet them is a form of defense. So are martial arts training.

I once ask Charles Askins, who had plenty of practical experience in gun fighting and killing, "What is the most important thing to do if you have to defend yourself?" He answered in one word...

Survive!

 

[Nushif]

When you say "beligerent drunk" do yuo mean someone you didn't like and who annoyed you or a violent drunk?
When you say she talked to him, was she calming him down or was she ineffective?
When you say she should have sent the dogs out, do you mean mauling him, or do y mean a battlehamster barking?
When you say "trying to force his way in" was he making a concerted and effective act at breaking in, or was he flailing at the door?

Are you getting what I am asking here?

Because shooting an incoherently drunk guy who is flailing at the door, ineffectively, because you are having a bad day will get you a murder charge if I was on the jury.

As someone pointed out earlier ... Seeing as it worked, maybe violence isn't the solution?

 

[Loosedhorse]

a drunk guy tried to force his way through the door of our home and she tryed to talk him away without even bringing the gun or at least letting the dogs out

I agree with Sam and Hso to an extent: if she thought the situation could be resolved without using a gun, and it was resolved without using a gun, then she was right.

In fact, if I guy tries to force his way through my door I will try to resolve it without using a gun...but you can bet that I will have a gun.

the is no Killer Instinct

Depends what you mean. I've run into the term in competition. The guy with the killer instinct wants to knock you out, not win on points; wants to strike out the side; wants to bankrupt your business and run you out of town.

But I agree the term doesn't apply to SD. I have a pretty good protective instict, and a great run-away instinct. You just can't teach talent!

is there anyway yall could think of to open her eyes?

Probably not. But hey, everyone's different, so I could be wrong.

Wishing the best of luck to you both.