Vice-President: John Kerry. The other side of him of course.
SECDEF: John Kerry. "I went to Vietnam amidst war criminals, of which of course I was not one of."
SECSTATE: John Kerry. Who is more qualified to speak to the foreign leaders who have endorsed him before he ever met any of them? He knows their minds already.
SECTREAS: Teresa Heinz Kerry. Gotcha. She has all of the money in the relationship anyways, and hence probably has better accountants than her husband.
AG: John Kerry. "I was a prosecutor once you know?"
SECCOM: John Kerry. He's certainly selling something now.
SECLABOR: John Kerry. Who better to kow-tow to the most important Democratic constituency?
SECVET: John Kerry. "I am a proud veteran except for when I am not."
HOMSEC: Dennis Kucinich. Kerry doesn't want to come across as a complete egomaniac. Let Dennis build his Department of Peace.
SECED: Dan Quayle. A bipartisan second chance at spelling.
HUD: Jesse Jackson. Getting him off the streets and avoiding that "Where's the minorities?" charge.
INTERIOR: John Kerry. Only on days he doesn't own those SUVs
ENERGY: Same as above, but Kerry speeches to be harnessed for their wind power and gaseous content.
TRANSPORTATION: Kerry. On days that he does own four SUVs and a jet.
AGRICULTURE: John Kerry. No doubt, like Al Gore, he's going to turn out to have been partially raised on a farm at some point between prep academies.
SECDEF: John Kerry. "I went to Vietnam amidst war criminals, of which of course I was not one of."
SECSTATE: John Kerry. Who is more qualified to speak to the foreign leaders who have endorsed him before he ever met any of them? He knows their minds already.
SECTREAS: Teresa Heinz Kerry. Gotcha. She has all of the money in the relationship anyways, and hence probably has better accountants than her husband.
AG: John Kerry. "I was a prosecutor once you know?"
SECCOM: John Kerry. He's certainly selling something now.
SECLABOR: John Kerry. Who better to kow-tow to the most important Democratic constituency?
SECVET: John Kerry. "I am a proud veteran except for when I am not."
HOMSEC: Dennis Kucinich. Kerry doesn't want to come across as a complete egomaniac. Let Dennis build his Department of Peace.
SECED: Dan Quayle. A bipartisan second chance at spelling.
HUD: Jesse Jackson. Getting him off the streets and avoiding that "Where's the minorities?" charge.
INTERIOR: John Kerry. Only on days he doesn't own those SUVs
ENERGY: Same as above, but Kerry speeches to be harnessed for their wind power and gaseous content.
TRANSPORTATION: Kerry. On days that he does own four SUVs and a jet.
AGRICULTURE: John Kerry. No doubt, like Al Gore, he's going to turn out to have been partially raised on a farm at some point between prep academies.