what follows is fiction, but sounds like lazarus thread starter
What follows is the first draft of a presidential
> address to be given by President Bush on July 4,
> 2003._ The source of this material remains
> unidentified.
>
> My fellow Americans:
>
> As you all know, the defeat of Iraq's regime has
> been completed. The discovery and destruction of all
> weapons of mass destruction have been covered
> thoroughly in the press._ A new Iraqi government has
> been established and appears to be stable. Our
> mission in Iraq is complete._ This morning I gave
> the order for a complete removal of all American
> forces from Iraq._ This action will be complete
> within 30 days.
>
> It is now time to begin the reckoning.
>
> Before me, I have two lists._ One list contains the
> names of countries which have stood by our side
> during the Iraq conflict. This list is short._ The
> United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, and Poland are some
> of the countries listed there._ The other list
> contains everyone not on the first list._ Most of
> the world's nations are on that list._ My press
> secretary will be distributing copies of both lists
> later this evening.
>
> Let me start by saying that effective immediately,
> foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases
> immediately and indefinitely._ The money saved
> during the first year alone will pretty much pay for
> the costs of the Iraqi war.
>
> The American people are no longer going to pour
> money into third world hellholes and watch those
> government leaders grow fat on corruption._ Need
> help with a famine?_ Wrestling with an epidemic?
> Call France.
>
> In the out years, together with Congress, I will
> work to redirect this money toward solving the
> vexing social problems we still have at home.
>
> I am ordering the immediate withdrawal of all US
> forces from Kuwait, Saudi Arabia, and all other
> Middle Eastern nations._ Leave us alone._ Solve your
> own damn problems._ Need help?_ Call Germany.
>
> On that note, a word to terrorist organizations.
> Screw with us and we will hunt you down and
> eliminate you and all your relatives from the face
> of the earth._ Thirsting for a gutsy country to
> terrorize?_ Try France, or maybe China.
>
> Regarding the nation of Israel, I have this to say.
> It seems like everybody has forgotten what happened
> to European Jewry during the 1930s and World War II.
>_ Our nation will never permit the destruction of
> Israel._ No way, Jose._ Nevertheless, to Israel and
> the Palestinian Authority.__ Yo, boys._ Yank yer
> heads outta rectal defilade and work out a peace
> deal._ Just note that Camp David is closed._ Maybe
> all of you can go to Russia for negotiations. They
> have some great palaces there._ Big tables, too.
>
> I:m ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic
> relations with France, Germany, and Russia._ Thanks
> for all your help, comrades._ We are retiring from
> NATO as well._ Bon chance, mes amis.
>
> I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to
> begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located
> in Manhattan with more than two unpaid tickets to
> sites where those vehicles will be stripped,
> shredded and crushed._ I don't give a damn about
> whatever treaty pertains to this._ Pay your tickets
> tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers, and
> limos be turned over to some of the finest chop
> shops in the world._ I love New York.
>
> A special note to our neighbors._ Canada is on List
> 2._ Since we are going to be seeing a lot more of
> each other, you folks might want to try not pissing
> us off for a change._ Mexico is also on List 2.
> President Fox and his entire corrupt government
> really need an attitude adjustment._ I have a couple
> extra tank and infantrydivisions sitting around.
> Guess where I'm gonna put ~em?_ Yep, border
> security._ So start doing something with your oil.
> Oh, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA
> treaty--starting now.
>
> It is time for America to focus on its own welfare
> and its own citizens._ Some will accuse us of
> xenophobia.__ My response is simple and direct: if
> you can play that word in Scrabble, do it as soon as
> your turn comes round._ Some will accuse us of
> isolationism._ I answer them be saying darn tootin.
>_ Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a
> decent life around the world has only earned us the
> undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet.
>
> It is time to eliminate hunger in America._ It is
> time to eliminate homelessness in America._ It is
> time to eliminate World Cup soccer from America.
>
> We will develop energy independence._ We will
> restructure our nation for its isolationist destiny.
>
> I will be sending legislation to Congress tomorrow
> proposing the first actions which that august body
> should take as we move in a new direction.
>
> Finally, I have decided not to run for a second term
> of office._ The First Lady and I will retire to our
> Texas ranch and have some fun. Laura and I have been
> talking about taking one of those cruises up to
> Alaska.
>
> To the nations on List 2, a final thought._ Drop
> dead.
>
> To the nations on List 1, a final thought._ Thanks
> guys._ We owe you.
>
> God bless America.
>
> Thank you and good night.
