Why a garand?
It satisfies the eyes. It looks warm, robust, serious, and capable. It looks like victory, freedom and liberation. It looks friendly. It does not look evil. It does not look delicate. It does not look cheap.
It satisfies the ears. The clocklike schnick when you pull the bolt back. The warning click as you shove home another 8 round clip. The massive solid slam as the bolt rams another round into the chamber. The deep throated bark of the muzzle as you fire away. The final Ka-Ting as the empty clip is ejected. The horrifying scream of agony as the guy four benches down learns never to hesitate when removing his thumb from a freshly loaded clip.
It satisfies the touch. The warm sculpted wood. The curve of the stock. The curl of the bolt lug. The take-up of the trigger. The robust, solid, yet unsharp push of the kick.
It satisfies the soul. It is the defender of liberty. It is the champion of victory. It is the guarantor of freedom.
It will not be used to rob banks. No terrorist will unleash it on a crowd of unarmed victims. No gangster will use it to shoot little girls while missing his imagined gangster enemies.
It is the good guy's weapon. It is just the ticket to liberate a country. It opens the doors of concentration camps. It saves people from tyranny. It topples dictators. It squashes fascists. It pushes communists behind their walls. It defends the homeland. It provides for the common defense. It is necessary for the security of a free state. It brings joy to women and children as they fire it. It strikes fear in the hearts of those that oppose freedom. It makes friends at the shooting range. It reminds us of the cost of freedom. Its lavish expense is appropriately justified.
It is your duty as an American to own one. Get one now. Buy ammo. Use it. Never mind the price, find the best one you can. You have no excuse.
The time is now. Be careful with your thumb!
