Wives and guns

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Oh and Lucifer ... don't know where you popped out of the woodwork from but your name is appropriate here.

The house work I do has to be supervised by her and she picks the work I do.

Looks like I'll be scrubbing toilets and changing litter boxes.

Dude.. thanks for the help, but this kind of sucks. Feel like I made a deal with the devil here. :)
 
She made an offhanded comment during our talk about "you know why I don't like guns, they're so confusing! I mean, you have a Glock, right? Why can't people call it "Glock ammo" or whatever, instead of something point something something, or whatever caliber. That makes no sense to me. I mean, these things should be color coded or something. I shouldn't have to wonder what ammo goes with this gun, or know that this one takes seven point six two something rather, or what magazine fits with what gun."

Don't have that problem if you learn about guns from the Army. It's pretty obvious what mags & ammo go to a M9 vs a M16/M4, though I have seen a cadre member at The Home of the Signal put M249 blank ammo in a M240 ...

I also agree with Jorg.
 
"I'm not going to single something out that I wouldn't or don't already do. When you do laundry you have to touch other people's dirty underwear, when you scrub a toilet you have to bend over where people take their dumps, mopping floors where your big dumb dog took a crap, vacuuming you have to empty the thing and touch all the animal and people hair, doing dishes where other people's dirty food has to get scraped off the plate...."

"...and NO You cannot use the damn electric drill with the bottle brush on the dishes ever again because last time there were soap suds and food crap stuck on the ceiling"

She went on for about 15 minutes here, I type fast but couldn't keep up.
 
Glad to be of service. This was a funny thread.

EDIT--The name is from a Pink Floyd song. Which I guess is completely inappropriate for a gun forum...
 
The missus grew up in NE Portland in one of the worse neighborhoods before the Hippies moved in (gunfire all night), It took years to get my wife shooting, and even after I got her basically comfortable with a Model 10 she still rarely "wanted" to go shooting, but enjoyed it (and was quite good from the start) when she did tag along.

Having someone track our old house down because of her insurance work got her more interested, as did having an indoor range to practice at, (specifically at times with nobody else around to make her self-conscious)

Now she's the one who starts getting antsy if we don't make the trip often enough.

Of course, the influences in her world view differ from ours, and I wouldn't recommend having a murderous doctor-shopping, pill selling, Oxycodone addict with a bat and a can of gas show up to your house to convince her, but sometimes it's just an argument you can't win until it's almost too late.

My 10 year old daughter can safely handle even my large frame revolvers, just not the full-power loads ;)
 
A little bit of knowledge is intriguing. I complement my wife and show a little surprise if she reveals a little gun knowledge or interest. This helps start a positive circle.
Things that are technical are often intimidating for some women. They wan't things color coded. Don't push the technical aspect of firearms. She really isn't interested.

I took my wife on a few shooting dates. We wen't the the steel action match and she did really well. Make sure and take a video so you can watch it later. It's a good way to remind her of how much fun it was at a later date.

A pretty Nickel .22 or pink LCP might be a good way to get her to shoot if she shows a little interest. Christmas present? However, my wife said "You're not going to get me a gun for Christmas are you?" There goes that idea...
 
Looks like I'm going to be getting real acquainted with my wife's "day job".

She's already making a list.

I'm beginning to wonder if she had planned this all along and has just been waiting for the right time to spring her devious trap on me.
 
"I find it funny I've been telling you that exact thing for years and it takes a stranger for you to believe what I've been saying"

A consultant is someone you bring in to analyze your work to tell you what your staff have already been trying to get you to see.

I've been a safety consultant for over 20 years. I'm good at "reading" situations with very little information, but this situation is so common that there's little need for analysis. So common, in fact, that I've been guilty of it.

My wife has an interest in shooting and firearms and took courses with me and without me and has her collection of firearms, but my rampant enthusiasm overshadowed it at one point so badly that her interest retreated somewhat. I learned to keep my mouth shut and not babble on about it and her annoyance disappeared. Now she wants his and her's suppressors for our 20th anniversary (7.62 for her and 5.56 for me).

"And I can understand that you want experience shooting in extreme weather but it shouldn't be every time; you only want to go shooting when it's 100+ degrees out or snowing or raining or sleeting with the wind blowing 40 miles an hour in subzero temperatures ..."

"you never just want to go shooting when it's 75 and comfortable..."
She just said, "Since you're starting to hear me for a change, if you'd just make it pleasant for me instead of wanting to make it a "GI Jane" experience or condescending as if I were a halfwitted wimp I might have wanted to go".

"and you don't let me just have fun you run your mouth about 'hold it this way' or 'do this' or 'do that' and it strips all of the fun out of it"

"that it's a bit hurtful that you can't remember that I used to go shooting with you all the time and stopped when we had Raven because your mouth got in the way, you started taking it all way too serious..."

You better open your mind to what she's saying and recognize what a jerk you've been and repent and reform. Sounds like you have a lot of fences to mend. You don't mend them by bartering or trading or groveling dishonestly. You had better acknowledge she has a right to be disgusted with your behavior, ask her forgiveness and ask what you can do (and not do) to make shooting fun for her. Not everyone who wants a nice stroll in the park wants to be dragged to K2 or hear about it constantly.

she'll go to the range to receive training with me

You're not paying attention. You absolutely need to facilitate HER going to the range WITHOUT you until she finally, if ever, asks you to come along. You've already shown you've behaved like a jerk about this in her eyes and the last thing for you to do is just assume that your chewing out is sufficient for you to have your way. She's equating range time with you to cleaning toilets. You have a long way to go to make up for your sins in this.

Ask her to read Kathy's website at corneredcat.com, offer to pay for local classes/training to whatever extent she likes (including her going to a course somewhere) and then leave her alone and keep quiet until she wants to talk to you about shooting. When she's ready to take you to the range is when the two of you should go together. If she never asks, be glad that you learned a lesson, if you did.
 
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It's pretty telling that the quid pro quo isn't her sharing something that she likes with you, but merely trading something she dislikes for another thing she dislikes.
 
Well, its my view that operating a revolver and basic gun safety are good things to know, especially when living with an enthusiast, so making a deal might not be ideal, but it does get something important done. And it does definitely sound like she likes getting her husband to do her chores.

But I'd agree it would be a good idea to listen to the points she made about what she didn't like about going to the range in the past, or maybe getting her to take a class with an instructor so there's not any prior baggage. At the very least it might get Trent out of some chores... :evil:
 
Every hour of house work (or errands like shopping) I do for her, she'll go to the range to receive training with me.

Trent, from the quotes from your wife, this seems to be your problem.

Pay for professional training. Still have fun and plink together, but be quiet while doing so.
 
If you are having a hard time instructing because of past history or training style, try bringing her to a fun shoot at a range. If the R.O's are anything like those at my range they will give her good tips and instruction. When I took my wife, one of them had a 2nd gun for her to use and helped her learn a few things. Watch out, your machismo will have to take a back seat! Allowing another guy to show your wife how to do things is humbling but can be helpful. Your wife's defenses won't be up and she will have the best opportunity to learn from someone else.
 
My wife has tolerated the guns and shooting, and sometimes questioned the cost of guns and ammunition. Our son is a much more involved shooter than I, and that has caused her to be a little more comfortable with it.

Late last year she (completely unknown to me) took her NRA Basic Pistol class as the first step in getting her Carry Permit. She now "owns" an SR22 and enjoys shooting with me at the local club.

AND she has been OK with me using some space in a spare bedroom to set up a reloading area and buys me reloading supplies for Christmas, birthday, etc.

All that being said, I'm still not going to learn to knit, which is her hobby/pastime. But I'm OK with her knitting while I reload.
 
>and to quit boring/annoying her with your "mistress"
For what it is worth I love hearing about your "mistress"(es), and am quite jealous.
 
Oh I don't mind doing the chores.

Over the last two hours as my conversation with her has ebbed and flowed, I think the major disconnect we have relates around that very thing. The deeper issue that I've uncovered is this: in her eyes, I go to work, come home, and "play with my toys" or watch TV or whatever, and don't help out enough (truth be told, I do work 60+ hours a week every week, sometimes as much as 80 if there's a big project underway, and I don't shoulder enough load at home, either because I'm drained of all energy or at my stress limit).

Meanwhile, she maintains a house of 8 people and is working, off and on, from sunup to sundown. The kids offload a little of this but they aren't up to her standards on certain things and she doesn't let them do much. Laundry = pink socks, dishes = dog would do it better than the kids, cleaning = she's OCD and there's no way they'll be up to her standards, and so on. The short is offloading chores to kids just adds to her stress instead of alleviating it.

Redistributing some of the load on to my shoulders will take some of the stress off her, which should improve her mood and (hopefully) help alleviate some of the ugly perception she seems to have of my hobbies. Her dis-taste of my hobbies, from what I have inferred through casual inquiry, seem to rank precisely to how much interest I show in them. So she dislikes guns the most; followed by gardening; followed by music (acoustic guitar); and so on.

What I've learned is the more I like something, the more she dislikes it. This speaks profoundly of a more serious issue than just "not liking gun stuff." The disconnect here is a lot larger than I'd understood before today.

Wish this "life" stuff were easier.
 
... Pay for professional training. Still have fun and plink together, but be quiet while doing so.

I think this quote is good, not just for our wives, but for ourselves as well. I know I'm too close to my wife to be a good trainer. But the same is true for myself about me.

Even in our own professions we benefit from skilled outside observation. Almost all professional licensees in any field are required to earn CEUs yearly to maintain credentials, even if they are recognized as a leader in their field.

Even if you are a professional firearms instructor (I'm not; not even close) get someone else to look at what you're doing. It's just smart.
 
Trent, Go get yourself a book titled "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." Spend some time reading it before you go back to the range or ask here to go shooting with you. Seriously. I'm reading it right now. Too bad I didn't read it ages ago. It might just explain to you what she's really saying when she says she dislikes guns.
 
Thinking more on this.

She doesn't like my hobbies in the order of the mess they make. She just pointed out that I have gun stuff in two corners of the the living room (cleaning supplies, range bag, toolbox), a tripod still set up from when I was messing with it with my son the night before last upstairs, my hunting crossbow leaning against the living room TV stand (deer season still on us, keeping it handy in case I spot a good one out the kitchen window), empty shell casings in a hat on the kitchen table... etc

She don't like guns because she's spent the last dozen years picking up my "gun stuff." Having to move my heavy range bag to vacuum. Etc, etc.

The shooting thing she says she doesn't have as much of a problem with. She got in a side conversation with my son on it while I was reading. My 15 year old son overheard us and said "The first few times dad took me he was a real pain in the butt, but once I learned how to do it, he just leaves me alone and lets me do my thing. If I want to shoot something, I get it out of the bag, and shoot it. Now we have a blast every time we go to the range, especially when I out-shoot all his friends and other random old guys."

The "chores for range time" thing seems to be revenge for giving her all the extra work over the years. OK, I can pay penance. :)

And I'll keep my messes cleaned up.

And my big mouth shut.

And we'll see how it goes.
 
You would like her to get involved but I`ve never seen a round peg squeeze into a square hole. If she doesn`t want to get involved for what ever reason move on.
You mentioned this has been on going for 10 years............ She lets you enjoy your guns so there`s no problem there. Let it go............
Not everybody likes/wants guns. That`s a given. Take her out more often and enjoy what you have together ......Get off the gun conversation with her. J s/n.
 
As a woman with a den full of '70 mustang interior parts; clean up after your hobby. I love cars and I LOVE the Mustang but I find myself resenting it when I have to look at its guts strewn all over my house.

Also, give her a training class without you there. For all the reasons above. Send a daughter or two with her.
 
Even in our own professions we benefit from skilled outside observation. Almost all professional licensees in any field are required to earn CEUs yearly to maintain credentials, even if they are recognized as a leader in their field.

Even if you are a professional firearms instructor (I'm not; not even close) get someone else to look at what you're doing. It's just smart.

There's been a lot of great feedback on this thread, there's a lot to be said about this. In my professional career I'm self-taught, but I spend at least 20 hours a week learning, researching, and "staying current." (Tech moves REAL fast, and if you don't do this, you'll become a dinosaur). That being said, I've never seen the benefit of certifications, or professional review. You either know it and can apply what you know, or don't. I've seen (in my industry) FAR too many people littered in certifications that didn't know jack squat about how to apply those skills effectively. "I'm an Eye-Tee Proh-Fesh-Uh-Nal" ... reminds me of the agent who shot himself in the leg in front of the school kids; a predictable outcome comes from ignorance.

This being said, you can't "solo" your way through martial arts of any form - you MUST have at least some form of peer review, outside observation, and feedback. There's always room for improvement. 18 years I've spent researching firearms, and have an encyclopedic knowledge of designs, specifications, strategies and tactics, and yet I still find myself learning more. Every single day I spend reading here and other sources, I learn more. Every time I go to the range, I learn something new.

There's multiple learning curves here - and on each, we're all on the same curve here - some at different points than others. I don't know diddly squat about black powder arms, very little about shotguns, etc. But I know quite a bit about other things. And in each of those other fields where I know more than most, there's people that know more than me. (This is true in my day job, too).

I'm not asking my wife to learn know how to detail strip a belt fed rifle or learn how to reload so she can start producing ammunition for the household down in the basement. Not asking her to learn to stalk game or study exterior ballistics to know what maximum point blank range is for a given projectile at a given velocity.

But I need her to be able to put a handgun bullet in an assailant, how to clear stoppages, how not to "freeze" if she's in trouble, and other useful skills; if something happens to me, or I'm not here to protect her and the kids. Robberies and other crimes are remarkably up - there's been too many bad things happening in this area lately. Even my cavalier son don't like going outside after dark anymore. There's been 15 heroin overdoses in this little rural county this year. Two houses nearby have been robbed SPECIFICALLY for their guns - by armed intruders. And so on, and so forth.

The world isn't getting any safer - if it were, I probably wouldn't even BE concerned - it was never an issue in the past.

But lately; I get nervous every time I leave. I'm afraid I'll come home from work one day and find my worst fears came true.
 
As a woman with a den full of '70 mustang interior parts; clean up after your hobby. I love cars and I LOVE the Mustang but I find myself resenting it when I have to look at its guts strewn all over my house.

Also, give her a training class without you there. For all the reasons above. Send a daughter or two with her.

Yeah this is something I definitely need to correct. Same thing happened back when I was racing motorcycles. It was all fun and games and she was "all in" until I had swingarms and sprockets in the main livingroom, a stack of tires in the corner of the upstairs livingroom to keep the rubber from drying out over the winter in the cold garage... etc.

Speaking of.. while she's off with the girls at horse riding lessons, I'm off to clean up my gun crap. Be back in a bit.
 
Wish this "life" stuff were easier.

Don't we all!

FWIW, if I had as much gun stuff lying around the house as you do, my wife would pick it all up for me. And then proceed to chuck it all on the front lawn. Along with a suitcase full of clothes. ;)
 
If you're hobby is making a mess of the place how can you expect the person responsible for trying to keep the place looking like a home instead of an overflowing adolescent's bedroom to like your hobby or you for that matter? How can your kids respect her instructions to keep their junk up if you don't? Perhaps that's the reason the kids can't be taught how to act like responsible adults if the biggest "kid" in the house doesn't pick up after himself. Your work providing the means to feed, house, and care for your family might be used as an excuse for having your wife serve as a surrogate mommy, but it sure doesn't fit the supposedly enlightened male role these days.

Sounds like you need to spend some money on an addition for your hobby (like we did).
 
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