TheLastBoyScout
Member
No Hands, No Fists
All across the world and all across time, people have been violently killed. They have been dying for a variety of reasons in a variety of ways. Some have been blown apart for being Jewish, or for riding in a car with a certain Palestinian, or for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Some have been hacked apart with machetes for there religious beliefs. Others have been shot for their cultural background. This is nowhere near a complete listing, and the combinations of possible motives and methods of slaughter are staggering. However, a way may soon exist to make it all stop.
Think of as many ways to kill as possible… it’s quite a list, but they all have one thing in common. They all require the use of hands. Without a hand, one cannot utilize a blade, impact weapon or firearm; one cannot choke or strike; one cannot press the button to release a bomb or any other sort of technologically advanced weapon. Even unconventional means of mayhem are hindered; it is hard to build and detonate a suicide bomb with out fingers.
Hands will soon no longer be required for human existence in civilized nations. Although they were essential to our ancestors’ survival, they have become a liability in today’s world of computers and machinery. In fact, computers and machinery will soon allow the replacement of hands with government approved manipulation prosthetics. They will duplicate mechanically many of the functions of biological hands, but built in software interlocks will limit their employment to “approved†endeavors.
For example, they will not interfere with writing or typing, but will be utterly useless for pulling the trigger on a pistol. You will give up almost all freedom of action (beyond that necessary to do what the government wants of you) with the prosthetics, but you do not really need to do anything the government does not require anyway, and isn’t a little freedom a good trade off for the security of never having to worry about violent death at the hands of others?
Now that this option is on the verge of becoming reality, we can cease thought on other, archaic “solutionsâ€. If one carries a weapon to protect against assailants, it would make much greater sense, from a security standpoint, to make sure that no one can harm anyone else, than to carry a weapon. What good is the weapon against a threat that you are blindsided by? None at all. How can someone surprise you with a hidden weapon or sudden blow? Easily. How can someone violently surprise you with his torso, head and feet? If it is even possible, then it is only with quite a bit of difficulty. As to the idea of teaching children right and wrong in order to prevent them from doing the latter, they always have the choice to use their hands for wrong, while they will never have that choice with the prosthetics.
Some will say that this modest proposal is no less than totalitarian, and contrary to individual freedom. I agree. The difference of opinion is that I believe a properly run totalitarian state is good for most of the people in it. People are stupid, and make stupid choices. At least under my proposal, said stupid choices are limited and unlikely to result in harm to other citizens or the state. Others will say that this measure will result in the loss of their God given right to revolt against repressive government. Their paranoia in regard to our glorious system is unwarranted, and they would probably benefit from some mental conditioning to take a brighter view of our benevolent President and Congress, but that’s the subject of another proposal.
Disclaimer:
I BELIEVE IN VERY LITTLE, IF ANY OF WHAT I WROTE HERE; IT IS SATIRE!
All across the world and all across time, people have been violently killed. They have been dying for a variety of reasons in a variety of ways. Some have been blown apart for being Jewish, or for riding in a car with a certain Palestinian, or for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Some have been hacked apart with machetes for there religious beliefs. Others have been shot for their cultural background. This is nowhere near a complete listing, and the combinations of possible motives and methods of slaughter are staggering. However, a way may soon exist to make it all stop.
Think of as many ways to kill as possible… it’s quite a list, but they all have one thing in common. They all require the use of hands. Without a hand, one cannot utilize a blade, impact weapon or firearm; one cannot choke or strike; one cannot press the button to release a bomb or any other sort of technologically advanced weapon. Even unconventional means of mayhem are hindered; it is hard to build and detonate a suicide bomb with out fingers.
Hands will soon no longer be required for human existence in civilized nations. Although they were essential to our ancestors’ survival, they have become a liability in today’s world of computers and machinery. In fact, computers and machinery will soon allow the replacement of hands with government approved manipulation prosthetics. They will duplicate mechanically many of the functions of biological hands, but built in software interlocks will limit their employment to “approved†endeavors.
For example, they will not interfere with writing or typing, but will be utterly useless for pulling the trigger on a pistol. You will give up almost all freedom of action (beyond that necessary to do what the government wants of you) with the prosthetics, but you do not really need to do anything the government does not require anyway, and isn’t a little freedom a good trade off for the security of never having to worry about violent death at the hands of others?
Now that this option is on the verge of becoming reality, we can cease thought on other, archaic “solutionsâ€. If one carries a weapon to protect against assailants, it would make much greater sense, from a security standpoint, to make sure that no one can harm anyone else, than to carry a weapon. What good is the weapon against a threat that you are blindsided by? None at all. How can someone surprise you with a hidden weapon or sudden blow? Easily. How can someone violently surprise you with his torso, head and feet? If it is even possible, then it is only with quite a bit of difficulty. As to the idea of teaching children right and wrong in order to prevent them from doing the latter, they always have the choice to use their hands for wrong, while they will never have that choice with the prosthetics.
Some will say that this modest proposal is no less than totalitarian, and contrary to individual freedom. I agree. The difference of opinion is that I believe a properly run totalitarian state is good for most of the people in it. People are stupid, and make stupid choices. At least under my proposal, said stupid choices are limited and unlikely to result in harm to other citizens or the state. Others will say that this measure will result in the loss of their God given right to revolt against repressive government. Their paranoia in regard to our glorious system is unwarranted, and they would probably benefit from some mental conditioning to take a brighter view of our benevolent President and Congress, but that’s the subject of another proposal.
Disclaimer:
I BELIEVE IN VERY LITTLE, IF ANY OF WHAT I WROTE HERE; IT IS SATIRE!
instead of particularly funny. Depends on the audience chosen, obviously, so YMMV, please don't take offence