Yo Mama So Tactical 2: Tactical Reload

[BerettaNut92]

Yo Mama So Tactical:

• she didn't know Mozambique was a country.
  her vehicle lights are taped over to maintain light discipline.
  she think Burt Gummer ain't tryin' hard enough.
  when someone on TV said 'African-American' she ask 'Is that muzzle up or muzzle down'
  she rewrap her kitchen knives with paracord.
  when she park her car on the drive, she cover it with camo netting.

 

[Devonai]

Yo Mama So Tactical,

She don't smoke nothin' out on patrol,
she switched to Beech-Nut.

She taped her jewerly down so it don't be jingle-janglin'.

She gots Light Green and Loam fer eyeliner.

 

[duckfoot]

Yo Mama So Tactical,

She got a sound suppressor and a trigger job done on her vaccume cleaner.

She got a second pistol grip on her hand mixer.

She got a "zipline" to her mail box.

She got a wormcam for a peep hole on her front door.

 

[triggertime]

Yo Mama so tactical,

She soaks her dentures in Butch's Boreshine and keeps them in place with red Loctite.

She put an ACOG on her dashboard, just so she can park the car!

She wears Agrip pasties, so her husband can get a grip!

And finally... *drumroll*

Her bladder control products are rated +P+!

 

[Hand_Rifle_Guy]

Yo Mama So Tactical...

Her minivan's a Hummer H2.

She got carbon-fiber Kiddie-seats.

Her seatbelts are "Kevlar webbing restraint systems".

She got a bathrobe made-a aramid fibre with a trauma plate.

She calls the Bridge club speed-dialer her "Squad-automatic."

She calls washing-up before dinner the "Decontam Protocol".

She gotta credit-line at Spyderco.

She cuts birthday cake with Cold Steel.

She gotta laser sight on the garden-hose nozzle.

 

[OEF_VET]

Her nightgown is a ghillie suit.

She makes your dad sleep in shifts, so they can maintain 50% security.

Her idea of dinner out is an MRE, eaten in the backyard.

Instead of taking you to Disney World, she took you to GunSite.

When you scraped your knee as a kid, she wrapped it in a field dressing.

She was asked to stop teaching your Boy Scout Troop how to lay an ambush.

When you came home late as a teenager, she had booby-trapped the front door.

She issues an OPORDER, Warning Orders, and FRAGOS whenever you leave the house.

She has a terrain model of your neighborhood in the basement.

At bedtime, instead of saying your prayers, she makes you recite the Ranger Creed.

 

[Matthew_Q]

yo momma so tactical


she had her tweezers and nailfile parkerized

she calls the kitchen the 'chow hall'

she keeps her tampons in a speed loader

she cleans the dishes with CLP

 

[berettaman]

Yo Mama So Tactical

she got a dual retention screw Kydex diaphram

she shops in a zig zag pattern

 

[gburner]

...she shaves her legs with a k-bar.

...she keeps her toll change on a stripper clip.

...her driver's license picture is distorted for 'security reasons'.

...when she goes out drinkin', she takes her camelback.

...she knows all of the words of the theme music to 'SWAT'.

...when she buys meat at the grocer, she
tells him to 'tag it and bag it'.

 

[OEF_VET]

Your momma so tactical,

There's no talking at the dinner table, only hand and arm signals are allowed.

 

[Black Snowman]

Yo mama's so tactical
she has formation lights on her hummer.
she likes to keep her M2HB "cocked and locked"
SWAT comes to her for pointers.
SWAT asks if they can train in the back yard.
California tried to ban her.

 

[hillbilly]

Yo momma's so tactical that she makes you "slice the pie" when go into the kitchen for a midnight snack.

hillbilly

 

[Redlg155]

Before you dad married her he had to wait three days for the permit.
During labor her she bit down on a stick instead of getting pain reliever.
The family has sick call at 0530. Issues a motrin and a slap for being weak!
The family dalmation has an urban camo coat scheme


And.....

...Her favorite set of sexy panties have "Molon Labe" written across the back!

(you know..that might not be a bad idea...hmmm)

Good Shooting
Red

 

[Terminus]

...she wakes you up for school with a flash-bang.

...she yells "all clear!" whenever she leaves a room.

 

[gburner]

Yo mommas sooooo tactical...

She ain't the 'da bomb'.....
























She's the Theater Nuclear Delivery System!!!!!

 

[4v50 Gary]

You mama so tactical she:

daubs camouflage paint on for makeup;
uses a 50 cal ammo can for a purse;
thinks a ghillie suit is an evening gown;
has nothing but Cold steel for cutlery in her kitchen;
uses a baton for a meat tenderizer;
uses a RCBS 10-10 scale to measure when she bakes or cooks;
use a powder trickler to spread sugar over the cookies;
serves stew from a bullet casting ladle;
wears 30 caliber bullets on a chain for a necklace;
serves MREs for fast food;
allows other drivers to speed ahead so they can "de-mine" the road for her;
and
thinks the garden is a perfect place for the air raid shelter.

 

[spacemanspiff]

i think we've got a winner!

California tried to ban her.

 

[Keith]

Yo Mama so tactical...

... When dad wants to "get lucky", he dabs on some Hoppe's #9 and describes a sucking chest wound he read about.

... Her and dad dance back-to-back so they can "cover" the room.

... She once shot the babysitter for making a furtive movement.

... Went bankrupt trying to start a lingerie business called; "Fredericks of Gunsite".

... Gave up knitting because it was so difficult to find Kevlar yarn.

... Has her white "Wedding Gun" displayed on the mantle, cocked and locked.

... Once pistol-whipped dad for quoting Mas Ayoob.

... Once pistol-whipped a clown at Chucky Cheese for making her quarter disappear.

... Uses Tetra Gun-Lube for sensual massages.

... Has a chrome plated gun-on-a-rope just for baths and showers.

 

[El Tejon]

. . . the bingo prizes at her church group are all firearms.

. . . her front license plate reads, "let me tell you about my gun collection" instead of "let me tell you about my grandchildren."

. . . when you complain that you are cold, she has you do push ups and sit ups for 30 minutes to warm up.

. . . she won't let you go outside without the "colour of the day."

. . . she directs your playing of "cops and robbers" with your friends.

. . . her travel club lists Blackwater and Thunder Ranch on their schedule.

. . . she shows you how to break the arm of the schoolyard bully who is shaking you down for your lunch money.

. . . the school makes her walk through the metal detectors three times before she can come to parent-teacher night.

. . . you hydrate before bed, not ask for a glass of water.

. . . she refers to sending you off to school in the morning as "getting you trained up."

. . . she makes references to "one time in the 'stan" when re-living her girlhood.

 

[seeker_two]

...her little black book has phone numbers for Col. Cooper, Dick Marcinko, and R. Lee Ermey.

...she uses Nomex potholders.

...she uses Thermite in her slow cooker.

...she uses Outers Gun Wipes instead of Wet Ones.

...the cookie jar has a 1917A1 w/ motion detector.

...her Grandmama taught her how to field strip a BAR.

...soccer moms fear her.

...instead of a dozen roses, she wants hubby to bring her a dozen MRE's.


...and the number one indicator...


...she arranges a blind date for her daughter with Skunkabilly because he's "a good, tactical boy."

 

[bogie]

.

 

[pax]

MODERATOR NOTE

Keep it clean, folks. Art's Grammaw is watching...

pax

Home is where you hang your head. -- Groucho Marx

 

[Dave Markowitz]

Yo momma so tactical ...

... she don't have a handbag, she got a bug out bag.

... she use FP-10 instead of cinnamon when cooking.

... she don't use plastic-ware, she use polymer-ware.

... her nightie is made out of ballistic nylon.

... she use Hoppes #9 for perfume.

... she gargle with Shooter's Choice.

... she use a Dewey cleaning rod to spank you.

 

[El Tejon]

. . . she's a Moderator on THR. (That's for you, pax).

 

[Navy joe]

Yo mama soo tactical her make-up mirror is a lensatic compass.