Shooting sports: fun and useful

I like the picture and the idea, but something about the wording seems off. I can't quite put my finger on it.

(please note that I'm really not trying to be annoying or offensive!)


Perhaps just a very brief version...

Teach Self Defense
A Basic Life Skill


Or something similar. I could be completely off on what would work, since it's 3am here and all.

I like it as is.

Oleg - if that's the emphasis you're looking for, it's good as is.

A Slight Change In Rhythm

She shoots for sport, it's wholesome fun.
Some day that skill may ward off harm.

And I would keep "Teach Basic Life Skills."

(Confession: I had to resist the impulse to add "Burma Shave" on the third line. )

Maybe if you were to change the second line, it might flow better. It's great as-is, but it clunks just a little. Maybe:

"Someday, this skill could save her life."

Mr. Greebly's idea works better than mine, actually. I like the rythm (sp?) better. Anyways, keep up the amazing work, I love seeing the posters you put up on here.

The two syllable "protect" in the second line kinda throws the pacing of the rhyme off. How about a single syllable word, perhaps "keep" instead?

I love it. (And I love her revolver!)

But I like ArfinGreebly's meter scan better.

Springmom

How about "Today she shoots for sport and wholesome fun. Some day she may shoot for her life, or yours."

"She shoots for sport and wholesome fun. Someday this skill may protect her from scum".

Simple, effective...another masterpiece!

"Teach Basic Life Skills" is good, but a.) I'd leave out the period, since there are no periods above, and b.) I'd capitalize only the "T" so it would read:

Teach basic life skills

Outstanding photograph—and the sun generally rises in the east.

Somehow the word 'wholesome' doesn't click with me.

Today she shoots for sport and fun,

Tomorrow ? ? ?

Well, I'm not a poet and I know it.

I'm leaning toward something similar to Il Duca.

Pretty good as is is, but doesn't quite flow, and just a touch wordy.

The two syllable "protect" in the second line kinda throws the pacing of the rhyme off. How about a single syllable word, perhaps "keep" instead?

Click to expand...

I got the same idea. I would use keep, rather than protect. Or if you want the word protect, simply drop "from harm."

Very good, nonetheless.

Nice as is

Thats a nice pic as is.But if your asking for any suggestions then????

Today............Sport and Fun
Tomorrow.......Fear From None

Oleg,
I am really tickled to see this young lady again - and you did another black and white!

Good suggestions above. "Fun" being the main focus let me toss out another Perspective if I may :

Learning to shoot is more fun that learning to cook.
Cleaning Guns is more fun than doing the dishes too!

Hey everybody knows dad's can cook, and not a darn thing wrong with getting take-out on the way home from the range returning with mom...

Us kids got to stick together ya know...