To give my own experience on recoil... I've usually found that hot loads of each are similar in recoil and muzzle blast. If you don't like loud, percussive blast, you aren't likely to like either the 357 SIG nor the 40S&W in full power loadings.
In my experience, both shooting Georgia Arms Gold Dots... 125 vs 165 gr, the 357 SIG had a bit more muzzle flip while the 40 was more like a shove back into the hand... not NEARLY as pronounced as the difference between 9mm and 45ACP, but roughly kinda sorta.
Now playing with different loads might help, but again, you're going to find a wider range of loads from which to choose in the 40 including subsonic 180s.