Mossy Bloke
Member
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- Dec 25, 2002
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- 98
There's an old link on TFL, but I thought we might get a new one started here. Know of any good hunting jokes you can share with the rest of us?
Any good hunting jokes?
- Thread starter Mossy Bloke
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one-shot-one
Member
two guys at deer camp. first guy goes to outhouse and doesn't notice a rattlesnake coiled up inside, and well he gets bit on his pride and joy. he stumbles into the cabin and tells his buddy what happened. his buddy runs out side to his car phone andcalls a doctor who says the poision must be sucked out or the buddy will die. the guy walks bak into the cabin. first guy asks what the doc said? buddy says, the doc says ........your gona die!
Two guys are out bird hunting just walking along when one of them keels over. So the first guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911
"Ya gotta help me my buddy just keeled over dead!"
"calm down, first lets make sure he's really dead" answers the operator.
".....BANG.......OK, now what?"
"Ya gotta help me my buddy just keeled over dead!"
"calm down, first lets make sure he's really dead" answers the operator.
".....BANG.......OK, now what?"
one-shot-one
Member
two guys out hiking get between a moma bear and her cub, she charges them and they are running for their lives. after about a hundred yard one guy stops pulls off his boots and begins lacing up his tenny shoes. the other guy looks at him and says what are you doing we are running from a bear and you are going to change shoes? the first guy says i just relized i don't have to out run the bear only out run you.
swampgator
Member
Three buddies are deer hunting. One of the buddies dies of heart attack while another bags the biggest deer ever seen in these parts.
The problem is there's only so much room in the truck. So they load the deer and set their buddy up in the ditch and head back into town.
They arrive and relay the information when someone asks, "why did you leave your friend on the side of the road."
"Well, we didn't think anyone would try to steal Roy!"
The problem is there's only so much room in the truck. So they load the deer and set their buddy up in the ditch and head back into town.
They arrive and relay the information when someone asks, "why did you leave your friend on the side of the road."
"Well, we didn't think anyone would try to steal Roy!"
Californian comes to Idaho to hunt elk. Can't find game. Finally, on the last day of the hunt, he is able to make a looong shot. Then maked the long hike to tag it.
When he get there, there's a farmer standing over it. The Californian goes berserk. Swears and screams, "%^**, that's my elk! I paid a bazillion $$$ for this hunt, and this is my elk!"
Farmer backs of and says "OK, OK, just let me get my saddle off it."
When he get there, there's a farmer standing over it. The Californian goes berserk. Swears and screams, "%^**, that's my elk! I paid a bazillion $$$ for this hunt, and this is my elk!"
Farmer backs of and says "OK, OK, just let me get my saddle off it."
The game warden is getting a bit suspicious of the best fisherman in 3 counties, thinking he may be doing wrong, so he asks if he can come along to see how a real pro does it. The fisherman said that would be fine and they set out. The boat was launched and a spot was selected when the fisherman opened a tacklebox full of dynamite and lights a fuse. He tosses it over the side and BLAM water goes everywere, and fish are floating up. The game warden is beside himself, telling the guy how he is going to get locked up and his boat confiscated and on and on, while the ol boy pulls out another stick, lights it and hands it calmly to the game warden. The game warden asks just what the heck he did it for, to which the old fisherman simply asks "you gonna talk or you gonna FISH?!!"
The Cajun & the Aggie Game Warden
Upon graduation from A&M, the young wildlife biology major landed his dream job as a game warden in Louisiana.
A few weeks after receiving his first assignment, he got a tip that ol' Boudreaux was doing some illegal fishing so staked out the bayou. Sure enough, just about dusk, ol' Boudreaux come drivin up the road from the bayou in his pickup.
Game warden flags Boudreaux down and notices three ice chests in the back of the truck.
GW: Boudreaux, what you got in the ice chests?
BDX: Fish
GW: Let me see your fishing license.
BDX: Don't need none.
GW: Why don't you need a fishing license?
BDX: Them's my pet fish, warden. Every day, I put them in these here ice chests and takes 'em down to the bayou, dumps 'em in the water an' lets 'em swim aroun' an' play a while. When I gets ready to leave, I jus' whistle an' they jumps back in the ice chests an' I takes 'em on home.
GW: Show me!
So, the GW follows Boudreaux back down to the bayou and watches as he dumps out all three chests in the water. After they stand there 20-30 minutes, GW says, "Well?". Boudreaux sez "Well what?" GW says, "Well, whistle and lets see the fish jump back in the chests!"
Boudreaux sez............................What fish?
Upon graduation from A&M, the young wildlife biology major landed his dream job as a game warden in Louisiana.
A few weeks after receiving his first assignment, he got a tip that ol' Boudreaux was doing some illegal fishing so staked out the bayou. Sure enough, just about dusk, ol' Boudreaux come drivin up the road from the bayou in his pickup.
Game warden flags Boudreaux down and notices three ice chests in the back of the truck.
GW: Boudreaux, what you got in the ice chests?
BDX: Fish
GW: Let me see your fishing license.
BDX: Don't need none.
GW: Why don't you need a fishing license?
BDX: Them's my pet fish, warden. Every day, I put them in these here ice chests and takes 'em down to the bayou, dumps 'em in the water an' lets 'em swim aroun' an' play a while. When I gets ready to leave, I jus' whistle an' they jumps back in the ice chests an' I takes 'em on home.
GW: Show me!
So, the GW follows Boudreaux back down to the bayou and watches as he dumps out all three chests in the water. After they stand there 20-30 minutes, GW says, "Well?". Boudreaux sez "Well what?" GW says, "Well, whistle and lets see the fish jump back in the chests!"
Boudreaux sez............................What fish?
Fellow was deer hunting when he surprised a large grizzly bear. The bear charged and the hunter emptied his 30.30 at him but misses. The grizzly knocks the hunter to the ground but instead of killing him he "has his way" with him.
Now the hunter being humiliated and embarrassed swears revenge and the next week goes to the same part of the woods only this time he's armed with a 458 win mag. Once again he comes upon the same bear, expends all his ammo without hitting anything and once again the bear knocks him to the ground and "has his way" with the hunter.
Being doubly humiliated the hunter once again swears revenge and the next week shows up in the same spot armed with an M-60, RPG's and claymore mines. All his superior fire power is again wasted as he again misses his target.
The bear knocks him to the ground one more time but this time before having his way, he looks at the hunter and says;
"You don't really come here to hunt, do you?"
Now the hunter being humiliated and embarrassed swears revenge and the next week goes to the same part of the woods only this time he's armed with a 458 win mag. Once again he comes upon the same bear, expends all his ammo without hitting anything and once again the bear knocks him to the ground and "has his way" with the hunter.
Being doubly humiliated the hunter once again swears revenge and the next week shows up in the same spot armed with an M-60, RPG's and claymore mines. All his superior fire power is again wasted as he again misses his target.
The bear knocks him to the ground one more time but this time before having his way, he looks at the hunter and says;
"You don't really come here to hunt, do you?"
An old duck hunter was sitting in his duck blind early one morning. He hadn't seen any ducks yet, but soon after he got settled in a whooping crane flew over head. He rose up and shoot it not knowing that there was a game warden watching him at the time. The warden came up and told him that the whooping crane was a protected species and it was illegal to hunt them.
GW: You are going to have to pay a $200 fine.
DH: Ok...here you go. Can I at least keep the bird?
GW: Sure you paid for it. What are you going to do with it?
DH: Eat it.
GW: Really?! What does it taste like?
DH: Eagle.
GW: You are going to have to pay a $200 fine.
DH: Ok...here you go. Can I at least keep the bird?
GW: Sure you paid for it. What are you going to do with it?
DH: Eat it.
GW: Really?! What does it taste like?
DH: Eagle.
thumbtack
Member
A farmer was having problems with a bear climbing up his tree in the back yard, so he hired this guy who came very highly recommended to catch the bear.
The hunter came with a shotgun, rope, and a small dog. He gave the shotgun to the farmer and said, "Stay down here and I'll climb the tree, and shake the branches. When the bear falls, my dog will bite on his nuts, and while the bear is in agony, I'll come down and tie him up with the rope. Okay?"
The farmer nodded his head and asked, "But what is the shotgun for?"
The hunter replied, "Well, sometimes I fall off the tree. In that case, shoot the dog - fast!"
The hunter came with a shotgun, rope, and a small dog. He gave the shotgun to the farmer and said, "Stay down here and I'll climb the tree, and shake the branches. When the bear falls, my dog will bite on his nuts, and while the bear is in agony, I'll come down and tie him up with the rope. Okay?"
The farmer nodded his head and asked, "But what is the shotgun for?"
The hunter replied, "Well, sometimes I fall off the tree. In that case, shoot the dog - fast!"
Four friends got together for their first grizzly bear hunt and arrived at their cabin in a blinding snow storm so decided to have a few drinks and hope the blizzard cleared by morning.
They built a roaring fire and settled down to what turned out to be some serious drinking. As the evening wore on, three of the four hunters became more and more boisterous as to how great a hunter, they were and how they were going to handle their coming hunt. The fourth member of the party was very quiet and just listened to his buddies.
After several hours of drinking, the fourth hunter staggered over to the fireplace, picked up a short piece of firewood and stumbled over to the door. He flung the door open and said, "I don't care about this (&^%#@@ blizzard and I don't need a rifle, I'm gonna go get a bear right now. He disappeared into the swirling snow before anyone could stop him.
The three remaining hunters sat around worrying about their buddy but not enough to hinder their drinking.
The fourth hunter had gone several hundred yards, but progress was slow as the snowstorm was so thick he couldn't see 2 feet. He bumped into something warm and fuzzy, looked up into the jaws of the biggest maddest bear he ever imagined. Well, that sobered him up real quick, he spun and ran for the cabin, but the bear was gaining fast. The hunter reached the cabin door with the bear just a foot or two behind, he threw the door open and jumped to the side. The bear ran past him into the cabin and the hunter shouted, "You boys skin that one, I'll go get us another one."
They built a roaring fire and settled down to what turned out to be some serious drinking. As the evening wore on, three of the four hunters became more and more boisterous as to how great a hunter, they were and how they were going to handle their coming hunt. The fourth member of the party was very quiet and just listened to his buddies.
After several hours of drinking, the fourth hunter staggered over to the fireplace, picked up a short piece of firewood and stumbled over to the door. He flung the door open and said, "I don't care about this (&^%#@@ blizzard and I don't need a rifle, I'm gonna go get a bear right now. He disappeared into the swirling snow before anyone could stop him.
The three remaining hunters sat around worrying about their buddy but not enough to hinder their drinking.
The fourth hunter had gone several hundred yards, but progress was slow as the snowstorm was so thick he couldn't see 2 feet. He bumped into something warm and fuzzy, looked up into the jaws of the biggest maddest bear he ever imagined. Well, that sobered him up real quick, he spun and ran for the cabin, but the bear was gaining fast. The hunter reached the cabin door with the bear just a foot or two behind, he threw the door open and jumped to the side. The bear ran past him into the cabin and the hunter shouted, "You boys skin that one, I'll go get us another one."
keano44
Member
(Cajun accent ON)
Boudreaux and Thibodeaux were going on a hunting trip.
They had been hunting buddies all their lives. But on this trip, Boudreaux just wasn't "pulling his share of the load." He wasn't helping Thibodeaux do anything. Thibodeaux set up the camp. Thibodeaux cut and gathered up the firewood, and built the fire. They hadn't brought any food, because they were cajuns, and were always successful at killing or catching whatever they needed for food.
Boudreaux didn't bring in any game this time. The hunting was tough, and although Thibodeaux hunted hard, all he killed was two squirrels, and one of them was very small. When Thibodeaux came back to the camp site, it was dark, and cold. The fire had died down, and Boudreaux was just sitting there. Trying to be a good buddy, Thibodeaux said nothing, threw more wood on the fire, cleaned the squirrels, cut the onions, and began cooking supper. All this time, Boudreaux did nothing.
Two hours later, when it was time to eat, Thibodeaux, being a typical cajun, said, "Boudreaux, come get you some." Also being a typical cajun, Boudreaux said, "Non, non, you go ahead, cher." As a good cajun cook never eats his own cooking until everyone else has served himself, Thibodeaux said, "Mais non, I insist, you go on, eat." This went on, back and forth, for a while. Finally, Boudreaux agreed to go first. He went to the pot with his plate, and don't you know, he served himself the big squirrel, and left Thibodeaux the measly little one.
Well that was the straw that broke the camel's back! Thibodeaux had had it! He yelled at his old buddy, "Boudreaux, mais I can't believe you went an done dat."
Boudreaux, looking surprised, answered, "Mais, Thibodeaux, what you mean?"
Thibodeaux says, "Mais, you went and took dat big squirrel, an hardly left me nothing."
Boudreaux says, "Mais Thibodeaux, if you woulda been me, what you woulda done?"
Thibodeaux answered, "Mais, I woulda took the little one."
Boudreaux says, Mais, it's still there!"
(Cajun accent OFF)
Boudreaux and Thibodeaux were going on a hunting trip.
They had been hunting buddies all their lives. But on this trip, Boudreaux just wasn't "pulling his share of the load." He wasn't helping Thibodeaux do anything. Thibodeaux set up the camp. Thibodeaux cut and gathered up the firewood, and built the fire. They hadn't brought any food, because they were cajuns, and were always successful at killing or catching whatever they needed for food.
Boudreaux didn't bring in any game this time. The hunting was tough, and although Thibodeaux hunted hard, all he killed was two squirrels, and one of them was very small. When Thibodeaux came back to the camp site, it was dark, and cold. The fire had died down, and Boudreaux was just sitting there. Trying to be a good buddy, Thibodeaux said nothing, threw more wood on the fire, cleaned the squirrels, cut the onions, and began cooking supper. All this time, Boudreaux did nothing.
Two hours later, when it was time to eat, Thibodeaux, being a typical cajun, said, "Boudreaux, come get you some." Also being a typical cajun, Boudreaux said, "Non, non, you go ahead, cher." As a good cajun cook never eats his own cooking until everyone else has served himself, Thibodeaux said, "Mais non, I insist, you go on, eat." This went on, back and forth, for a while. Finally, Boudreaux agreed to go first. He went to the pot with his plate, and don't you know, he served himself the big squirrel, and left Thibodeaux the measly little one.
Well that was the straw that broke the camel's back! Thibodeaux had had it! He yelled at his old buddy, "Boudreaux, mais I can't believe you went an done dat."
Boudreaux, looking surprised, answered, "Mais, Thibodeaux, what you mean?"
Thibodeaux says, "Mais, you went and took dat big squirrel, an hardly left me nothing."
Boudreaux says, "Mais Thibodeaux, if you woulda been me, what you woulda done?"
Thibodeaux answered, "Mais, I woulda took the little one."
Boudreaux says, Mais, it's still there!"
(Cajun accent OFF)
Drizzt
Member
An Aggie was out in the woods hunting, when he happened upon a lovely, nubile young woman reclining suggestively by a lake. The young lady gives him a come-hither look, and motions for him to approach. The Aggie walks up and asks, "Are you game?" The young lady replies "Yes.", so he shot her....
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