Bad Americans own guns?

[RepublicanMan]

YES, I'M A BAD AMERICAN
by George Carlin


I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American. I am George Carlin.

I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some mid level governmental functionary be it Democratic or Republican!

I'm in touch with my feelings and I like it that! way, damn it!

I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer, it makes you a smart American.

I think being a minority does not make you noble or victimized, and does not entitle you to anything.

I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, try to do it in English.

I think fireworks should be legal on the 4th of July.

I think that being a student doesn't give you any more enlightenment than working at Blockbuster. In fact, if your parents are footing the bill to put your pansy ass through 4 years plus, of college, you haven't begun to be enlightened.

I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God when and where they want to.

My heroes are John Wayne, Babe Ruth, Roy Rogers, and whoever canceled Jerry Springer.

I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.

I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my time arguing about it.

I think global warming is a big lie. Where are all those experts now, when I'm freezing my ass off during these long winters and paying, paying, paying?

I've never owned a slave, or was a slave, I didn't wander forty years In the desert after getting chased out of Egypt. I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you! So, shut-the-Hell-up already.

I want to know which church is it exactly where the Reverend Jesse Jackson practices, where he gets his money, and why he is always part of the problem and not the solution. Can I get an AMEN on! that one?

I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you're running from them.

I also think they have the right to pull your ass over if you're breaking the law, regardless of what color you are.

I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want you deciding who should be running the most powerful nation in the world for the next four years.

I dislike those people standing in the intersections trying to sell me crap or trying to guilt me into making "donations" to their cause. These people should be targets.

I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes two parents.

And what the hell is going on with gas prices... again?

If this makes me a BAD American, then yes, I'm a BAD American.


We need our country back!

 

[Reno]

http://www.snopes.com/language/document/carlin.htm

Carlin didn't say/write that. On top of that, it seems to have been modified a bit since the last time I saw it.

Furthermore, this thread is probably going to be locked (or moved to roundtable) for being off-topic.

 

[Werewolf]

Heh heh....

I got thru about the 3rd sentence and knew it wasn't Carlin who wrote about "Bad Americans".

Not even in a world with pink skies and blue bunnies where liberals spent every Sunday afternoon at the range shooting off hundreds of rounds out of their favorite machine gun and knocking down tire towers with grenade launchers would George Carlin have written that. Not even in a land so gun friendly that the term anti referred to folks who didn't like revolvers would G. Carlin have written that. Not even in a country where where you could by alcohol, tobacco, firearms and explosives not only at the same store but at your neighborhood 7-11 would Carlin have written that.

George is a very, very funny guy. I enjoy him immensely but his politics would fit in better in a country with a totalitarian style of government lead by a do gooder with absolute power to control everyone's daily lives minute by minute.

 

[RepublicanMan]

My apologies officer Reno, I wasn't aware that you were on duty this evening.

As to whether he wrote it or not, it's still funny to most non blissninny liberals, I merely cut and pasted it from where I saw it.

 

[Devonai]

Who do you think you are, the Boston Globe?

 

[RepublicanMan]

No, do you think you're Harry Turtledove or William Forstchen?

 

[Devonai]

At least I know and acknowledge that I'm writing fiction.

I was hoping the Globe's recent disgraces had reached the national audience. I think we'd both agree that particular newspaper deserves the attention.

 

[RepublicanMan]

As I know and acknowledge that I am cutting and pasting (note that I left the supposed authors name attached) something that I found to be humorous.

I still fail to see your point.

And please don't get me started on the liberals that infest the northeastern United States.

 

[Devonai]

At least you don't have to share the road with them!

I'm sorry, I should have put one of these after my initial reply.

 

[Parker Dean]

Bad Americans own guns.

I changed the punctuation from question mark to period, and now it's something Carlin might've said.

 

[Dionysusigma]

I somehow forsee this being moved to Roundtable/deleted in 5... 4... 3...

 

[angrywalkindude]

This sure does sound like the Nuge.

BAD AMERICAN
Date: Fri, 29 Jun 2001
Written by Ted Nugent, the rock singer and hunter/naturalist, upon hearing that California Senators B. Boxer and D. Feinstein denounced him for being a "gun owner" and a "rock star".

This was his response after telling the senators about his past contributions to children's charities and scholarship foundations which have totaled more than $13.7 million in the last 5 years.

I'm a Bad American - this pretty much sums it up for me. I like big trucks, big boats, big houses, and naturally, pretty women.

I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some mid-level governmental functionary with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to crack addicts squirting out babies

I don't care about appearing compassionate.

I think playing with toy guns doesn't make you a killer. I believe ignoring your kids and giving them Prozac might.

I think I'm doing better than the homeless.

I don't think being a minority makes you noble or victimized. I have the right not to be tolerant of others because they are different, weird or make me mad. This is my life to live, and not necessarily up to others expectations. I know what SEX is and there are not varying degrees of it.

I don't celebrate Kwanzaa. But if you want to that's fine; I just don't feel like everyone else should have to.

I believe that if you are selling me a Dairy Queen shake, a pack of cigarettes, or hotel room you do it in English. As a matter of fact, if you are an American citizen you should speak English. My uncles and forefathers shouldn't have had to die in vain so you can leave the countries you were born in to come disrespect ours, and make us bend to your will. Get over it.

I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry butt if you're running from them after they tell you to stop. If you can't understand the word 'freeze' or 'stop' in English, see the previous line. I don't use the excuse "it's for the children" as a shield for unpopular opinions or actions.

I know how to count votes and I feel much safer letting a machine with no political affiliation do a recount when needed. I know what the definition of lying is, and it isn't based on the word "is" - ever.

I don't think just because you were not born in this country, you qualify for any special loan programs, gov't sponsored bank loans, etc., so you can open a hotel, 7-eleven, trinket shop, or anything else, while the indigenous peoples can't get past a high school education because they can't afford it.

I didn't take the initiative in inventing the Internet. I thought the Taco Bell dog was funny.

I want them to bring back safe and sane fireworks.

I believe no one ever died because of something Ozzy Osbourne, Ice-T or Marilyn Manson sang, but that doesn't mean I want to listen to that crap from someone else's car when I'm stopped at a red light. But I respect your right to.

I think that being a student doesn't give you any more enlightenment than working at Blockbuster or Jack In The Box.

I don't want to eat or drink anything with the words light, lite or fat-free on the package.

Our soldiers did not go to some foreign country and risk their lives in vain and defend our Constitution so that decades later you can tell me it's a living document ever changing and is open to interpretation. The guys who wrote it were light years ahead of anyone today, and they meant what they said -- now leave the document alone, or there's going to be trouble.

I don't hate the rich. I help the poor. I know wrestling is fake. I've never owned, or was a slave, and a large percentage of our forefathers weren't wealthy enough to own one either. Please stop blaming me because some prior white people were idiots -- and remember, tons of white, Indian, Chinese, and other races have been enslaved too -- it was wrong for every one of them.

I believe a self-righteous liberal Democrat with a cause is more dangerous than a Hell's Angel with an attitde.

I want to know exactly which church it is where the "Reverend" Jessie Jackson preaches, and, what exactly is his job function.

I own a gun, you can own a gun, and any red blooded American should be allowed to own a gun, but if you use it in a crime, then you will serve the time.

I think Bill Gates has every right to keep every penny he made and continue to make more. If it makes you mad, then invent the next operating system that's better and put your name on the building. Ask your buddy that invented the Internet to help you.

I don't believe in hate crime legislation. Even suggesting it makes me mad.

You're telling me that someone who is a minority, gay, disabled, another nationality, or otherwise different from the mainstream of this country has more value as a human being than I do as a white male. If someone kills anyone, I'd say that it's a hate crime. We don't need more laws! Let's enforce the ones we already have.

I think turkey bacon, turkey beef, turkey fake anything sucks.

I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child - it takes a parent with the guts to stand up to the kid and spank his butt and say "NO!" when it's necessary to do so. I'll admit that the only movie that ever made me cry was Ole Yeller. I didn't realize Dr. Seuss was a genius until I had a kid.

I will not be frowned upon or be looked down upon or be made to keep silent because I have these beliefs and opinions. I thought this country allowed me that right. I will not conform or compromise just to keep from hurting somebody's feelings. I'm neither angry nor disenfranchised, no matter how desperately the mainstream media would like the world to believe otherwise.

Yes, I guess by some people's definition, I may be a bad American. But that's tough.

Ted Nugent

http://www.blue-starr.com/bio/ted.htm

 

[Justin]

This particular bit of text has been floating around the web for at least three years. I've seen it attributed to George Carlin, Ted Nugent, and others. So far no one has stepped forward to say whether they wrote it or not.