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Yes this relates to shotguns and shooting, umm as taught by a Five year old. Yes I’m serious, I was there, and actually I was in charge of this “little angelic- faced girlâ€, in a dress mind you.
This was “supposed†to be a simple deal. I mean I am the eldest of 4 sibs, how hard can one five year old daughter of friends be to take care of? I have known this couple for a long time. I knew them as newlyweds, I brought over pickles and ice cream ( so I could enter and keep hubby out of doghouse) during the pregnancy. I remember changing this little baby girl’s diaper. Forget the fact mom had to get out of the house,needed adults to talk to and bridge with the girls was the cure. Dad had been out of town on business, and "needed to bond" with HIS daughter...afterall it is HIS fault...you know how new parents can be? The dad whom was raised by a nanny had no idea of what to do. He thought the cloth diapers (cloth does not irritate a rash btw like the disposable ones do) that the wife bought were for gun cleaning…boy was he disappointed. Ever seen a grown man NOT be able to open a safety pin…yep had to show Mr. Master’s Degree how to operate a diaper pin…get the picture? The Mom’s on this BB will crack up at that thought.
Well Lil ' Bit is Five...
So daddy is tied up on a business deal. The Mom calls and said “hey I need to borrow you, need a favorâ€. No biggie, hubby has her car, she is using a farm truck to help her mom bring some tree home. I will be taken by the dealership to pick up the new Bronco,hubby bought, use it to run down to five year old’s Grandmother’s down on the farm, get the kid, run by the club and drop off a Mec 9000, for someone and pick up her daddy’s Model 12 and Model 42 he loaned a mutual friend. Piece of cake – right?
Now as I have stated before, with parental permission, kids don’t refer to me a “Mister, “Sirâ€â€¦etc. I tend to call the kids names of my own. Oh this child also has permission from daddy to say†hellyeahâ€. The reason is around the farm, range and all well she is going to hear a lot of “languageâ€, she has permission to use this, but not the other words.
So Lil’ Bit is all dressed up in a dress in lace ( it was a phase) say hello / good bye to Grandma, the truck is cool, and we play with every gadget …yep, she made sure every electric window worked…repeatedly, I might add.
We get to the range and well she practically grew up at the range. Okay she was around shotguns, firearms and shooting from the get –go. She gives all her “boyfriends†a hug and well “she works the crowdâ€. Grown men melting in her presence and she knows it.
So she wants to watch some shooting, no biggie I grab the youth size muffs and we head out. There is a young lady about 19 who is having real problems, her boyfriend …well he isn’t too good, but he criticizes REAL well. “Help ‘em Stash†[ hey I have a moustache, you figure it out]. This young 19 yr old has had enough yelling and humiliation, hands the boyfriend the shotgun and storms off the field…there is a tear. Well Lil’ Bit has now done an about face with me in tow…uh oh…I know this look…Lil’ Bit is on a mission, and looks like I’m in the midst of said mission whether I want to be or not.
“Bellybuttonbang!â€
“Huh? The young 19 yr lady turns around, she is crying. Again Lil’Bit says “bellybuttonbangâ€. Well I introduce myself, the little girl. Off to the club house we go. Guys on porch are a “bit upset†with the boyfriend; he is halted at the porch, and taken to the parking lot for a lesson on manners. Some of the guys explain what he was doing was hurting-not helping. Give the girlfriend some space and time,let thngs cool off. We three head to the other end of the porch and Lil’ Bit says to the teenager, “wait here, I gotta peeâ€. Teenager being a girl and all offers to take to take her. “No thank you ma’am he has seen me naked lots of timesâ€. Teenager “oh I see he is your daddyâ€, Lil’Bit “oh no ma’am he is not my daddyâ€. [Great!- guys on porch are cracking up and this teenager is backing against her chair…I can just imagine what she is thinking.] . Ahem, we return from inside the clubhouse and the guys have told the teenager what the deal is obviously (thankfully). We also have sodas, a partial box of clay targets, tissue and a shooting towel…naturally Lil’Bit , is displaying proper gun handing with the BB Gun, the one with no sights., sets the gun into the gun rack, hey I’m proud of her… so far.
“You have nice ones like my mom don’t she Stash? You must be a size….†Whoa ,… my hand goes over Lil’Bit’s mouth , the teenager blushes , I’m speechless…oops forgot that part about kids just saying whatever comes to mind. Doesn’t matter, where, whom they are with, or subject matter [ but this info will come in handy later *grin* ]. Thank goodness the teenager laughed and realized Lil’ Bit was only 5! Then I get reminded, real quick, two ladies (regardless of age mind you) will team up against a guy and say stuff to watch him squirm. The conversation *ahem* revealed Lil ’Bits mom’s bra size (obviously she learned her numbers well, and I filed this away with earlier info *grin*) , cleavage and hot shells, bras are too restrictive like the ones for tennis so either don’t wear one shooting ( which Lil’ Bit said guys liked) or a softer one. Hey I’m a guy, I’m listening and learning gimmee me a break. Lil’ Bit replies a few times with hellyeah to a couple of questions…me I explain and just roll eyes…I’m in the minority-remember?
So we now go to the pattern board area and Lil’ Bit demonstrates how to stand and mount gun to face…both the low gun (she prefers) and the pre-mount method with the BB gun. Lil’ Bit proceeds to tell her how to use the BB gun to shoot ping pong balls; to learn how to shoot. We do eye dominance. Teenager is just kinda blown away “she is five – right†she asks, “hellyeah†forget it Lil bit is running this clinic.
Ok now the garden hose and clays are put to use. My job is to roll a clay and Lil’ Bit demonstrates with the spray “bellybuttonbangâ€. <wink> . Well the teenager is now doing the “bellybuttonbang†and well garden hoses, water, grass, two girls and well we sorta got sidetracked on the lesson. Thank goodness Lil’Bit has clothes from staying with Grandma. No comment on the teenager…I was trying to be a gentleman, and not get wet myself. [you figure it out].
Well…I’m instructed to get the shotgun and be ready for “gun fitting†. The boyfriend is pulling targets for the guys, I get the 1100 20 ga and wait. Hey, I just have the keys to the Bronco…otherwise I’m just along for the ride. Ok ‘wild child†and new “friend†come out with “wild child†confirming she and mommie are the same size ( holding a bra in hand) and the two are now wearing matching club T shirts. Boyfriend doesn’t know it yet, but his tab just increased …gotta feeling he is gonna be surprised at the cost of being inconsiderate.
“Break itâ€. So I take the bbl off the 1100 and replace forearm. Lil ‘ Bit wants to see how the gun fits, well I concur her Dx the comb is too low. Well I apply a pc of moleskin to comb. ( we keep Dr.Scholls moleskin in clubhouse, thanks boyfriend, add that to tab as well) . Gun put back together and we play with the pattern board. <Click light bulb goes off in 19 y/o’s brain> She is hitting where she is looking.( can we get a hellyeah?) Lil’ Bit is so happy…kid is good I tell ya.
So off we go to a empty field, Lil’ Bit wants to pull, my job is to help with the shooting. Lil’ Bit says “ bellybuttonbang…low 7…Stash†. Well we are busting low 7 , we bust high 7. We move to High 1 and start busting it, Low 1 , hey the teenager is ecstatic, Lil’ Bit is ecstatic, me I’m grinning. We now have the boyfriend watching this, dropped-jaw and the squad he pulled for are giving applause of support. Everybody give a hellyeah ( we in on the deal anyway).
Boyfriend- “how did you learn to do THAT? Everybody in unison replies “bellybuttonbang! “Huh? What is that? “ Lil’ Bit informs him everybody knows what that is, that is how to shoot moving targets!
Bird, Belly, Beak, Bang !
You see the bird , pull through the belly to match speed /angle of flight, continue swinging through beak, see daylight, pull trigger and bang! Follow through of course. Just like the five year old said “bellybuttonbang!â€
So with the lessons given, a soiled dress with lace a “wild child†in jeans and T shirt ( hey this is a big accomplishment trust me ) heading home I hear “I want cheese dipâ€. Lil’ Bit eats pretty good, however she could live on cheese dip and hot sauce. Well we are supposed to do steaks at her parents. Well wild child doesn’t really get fussy , but she really wants cheese dip. Well heck, why not? I mean she is a great kid, I’m like an adopted uncle, therefore an Uncle is supposed to spoil kids- right? Of Course! Besides I probably need to let the cleaners take care of that dress…you don’t want to know…you really don’t.
Well, I say yes [ I just hit World’s Bestest Uncle status again] get a hug guess who we run into at the cleaners. Hi Mom and Dad !! Uh oh I have soiled item that resembles a 5 yr old’s dress. I hear “What did you do to my daughter! She is wearing a T shirt and jeans…bless you …I get a hug. Well it seems mom ran by and picked up dad while “wild child†and I held our “clinicâ€. Well since they were out of charcoal, “I want cheese dip†was said a few times by you know who, and well mom was planning on picking some cheese dip up anyway for –yes- you know who…I piped up and said “Hey it’s my turn to buy…why not? “ YEAH! “ Dad said lets do it…steaks tomorrow night.
Wild Child motions for me to pick her up, she whispers in my ear “ I can get you out of payingâ€. She does by golly <evil>.
In the restaurant, crowded I might add ,she informs Mom , that mom will pay. I’m holding Lil Bit , she leans over and informs Mom that Stash knows her bra size, grins and winks at me. Mom “oh no !†I nod that indeed I do know. Dad is like “what is going onâ€. Wife informs hubby HE is gonna pay and why he will gladly do so. “ I didn’t even know…errr…know ( wife elbows his side at this point) that! You sure?" Wild Child makes it clear she will announce this “information†, in a crowdeestaurant if daddy doesn’t pay…oh yes there will be an order, BIG order of cheese dip with chips to go home as well. I get a big hug from Lil bit whom says “see I told yaâ€. Hubby at dinner leans over to ask for “information†and gets elbowed again. I’m sworn to secrecy…Wild child…she is in heaven…cheese dip, hot sauce, tacos happy happy kid. Mom is kinda mixed , I mean on one hand we have jeans, T shirt, tennis shoes on her kid for a change, personal info is now known to me.
When Lil’ Bit put the shotshells from her pocket onto table…well as they were being put into Mom’s purse…dad asked what did she do at the range. What else? “Bellybuttonbangâ€.
This was “supposed†to be a simple deal. I mean I am the eldest of 4 sibs, how hard can one five year old daughter of friends be to take care of? I have known this couple for a long time. I knew them as newlyweds, I brought over pickles and ice cream ( so I could enter and keep hubby out of doghouse) during the pregnancy. I remember changing this little baby girl’s diaper. Forget the fact mom had to get out of the house,needed adults to talk to and bridge with the girls was the cure. Dad had been out of town on business, and "needed to bond" with HIS daughter...afterall it is HIS fault...you know how new parents can be? The dad whom was raised by a nanny had no idea of what to do. He thought the cloth diapers (cloth does not irritate a rash btw like the disposable ones do) that the wife bought were for gun cleaning…boy was he disappointed. Ever seen a grown man NOT be able to open a safety pin…yep had to show Mr. Master’s Degree how to operate a diaper pin…get the picture? The Mom’s on this BB will crack up at that thought.
Well Lil ' Bit is Five...
So daddy is tied up on a business deal. The Mom calls and said “hey I need to borrow you, need a favorâ€. No biggie, hubby has her car, she is using a farm truck to help her mom bring some tree home. I will be taken by the dealership to pick up the new Bronco,hubby bought, use it to run down to five year old’s Grandmother’s down on the farm, get the kid, run by the club and drop off a Mec 9000, for someone and pick up her daddy’s Model 12 and Model 42 he loaned a mutual friend. Piece of cake – right?
Now as I have stated before, with parental permission, kids don’t refer to me a “Mister, “Sirâ€â€¦etc. I tend to call the kids names of my own. Oh this child also has permission from daddy to say†hellyeahâ€. The reason is around the farm, range and all well she is going to hear a lot of “languageâ€, she has permission to use this, but not the other words.
So Lil’ Bit is all dressed up in a dress in lace ( it was a phase) say hello / good bye to Grandma, the truck is cool, and we play with every gadget …yep, she made sure every electric window worked…repeatedly, I might add.
We get to the range and well she practically grew up at the range. Okay she was around shotguns, firearms and shooting from the get –go. She gives all her “boyfriends†a hug and well “she works the crowdâ€. Grown men melting in her presence and she knows it.
So she wants to watch some shooting, no biggie I grab the youth size muffs and we head out. There is a young lady about 19 who is having real problems, her boyfriend …well he isn’t too good, but he criticizes REAL well. “Help ‘em Stash†[ hey I have a moustache, you figure it out]. This young 19 yr old has had enough yelling and humiliation, hands the boyfriend the shotgun and storms off the field…there is a tear. Well Lil’ Bit has now done an about face with me in tow…uh oh…I know this look…Lil’ Bit is on a mission, and looks like I’m in the midst of said mission whether I want to be or not.
“Bellybuttonbang!â€
“Huh? The young 19 yr lady turns around, she is crying. Again Lil’Bit says “bellybuttonbangâ€. Well I introduce myself, the little girl. Off to the club house we go. Guys on porch are a “bit upset†with the boyfriend; he is halted at the porch, and taken to the parking lot for a lesson on manners. Some of the guys explain what he was doing was hurting-not helping. Give the girlfriend some space and time,let thngs cool off. We three head to the other end of the porch and Lil’ Bit says to the teenager, “wait here, I gotta peeâ€. Teenager being a girl and all offers to take to take her. “No thank you ma’am he has seen me naked lots of timesâ€. Teenager “oh I see he is your daddyâ€, Lil’Bit “oh no ma’am he is not my daddyâ€. [Great!- guys on porch are cracking up and this teenager is backing against her chair…I can just imagine what she is thinking.] . Ahem, we return from inside the clubhouse and the guys have told the teenager what the deal is obviously (thankfully). We also have sodas, a partial box of clay targets, tissue and a shooting towel…naturally Lil’Bit , is displaying proper gun handing with the BB Gun, the one with no sights., sets the gun into the gun rack, hey I’m proud of her… so far.
“You have nice ones like my mom don’t she Stash? You must be a size….†Whoa ,… my hand goes over Lil’Bit’s mouth , the teenager blushes , I’m speechless…oops forgot that part about kids just saying whatever comes to mind. Doesn’t matter, where, whom they are with, or subject matter [ but this info will come in handy later *grin* ]. Thank goodness the teenager laughed and realized Lil’ Bit was only 5! Then I get reminded, real quick, two ladies (regardless of age mind you) will team up against a guy and say stuff to watch him squirm. The conversation *ahem* revealed Lil ’Bits mom’s bra size (obviously she learned her numbers well, and I filed this away with earlier info *grin*) , cleavage and hot shells, bras are too restrictive like the ones for tennis so either don’t wear one shooting ( which Lil’ Bit said guys liked) or a softer one. Hey I’m a guy, I’m listening and learning gimmee me a break. Lil’ Bit replies a few times with hellyeah to a couple of questions…me I explain and just roll eyes…I’m in the minority-remember?
So we now go to the pattern board area and Lil’ Bit demonstrates how to stand and mount gun to face…both the low gun (she prefers) and the pre-mount method with the BB gun. Lil’ Bit proceeds to tell her how to use the BB gun to shoot ping pong balls; to learn how to shoot. We do eye dominance. Teenager is just kinda blown away “she is five – right†she asks, “hellyeah†forget it Lil bit is running this clinic.
Ok now the garden hose and clays are put to use. My job is to roll a clay and Lil’ Bit demonstrates with the spray “bellybuttonbangâ€. <wink> . Well the teenager is now doing the “bellybuttonbang†and well garden hoses, water, grass, two girls and well we sorta got sidetracked on the lesson. Thank goodness Lil’Bit has clothes from staying with Grandma. No comment on the teenager…I was trying to be a gentleman, and not get wet myself. [you figure it out].
Well…I’m instructed to get the shotgun and be ready for “gun fitting†. The boyfriend is pulling targets for the guys, I get the 1100 20 ga and wait. Hey, I just have the keys to the Bronco…otherwise I’m just along for the ride. Ok ‘wild child†and new “friend†come out with “wild child†confirming she and mommie are the same size ( holding a bra in hand) and the two are now wearing matching club T shirts. Boyfriend doesn’t know it yet, but his tab just increased …gotta feeling he is gonna be surprised at the cost of being inconsiderate.
“Break itâ€. So I take the bbl off the 1100 and replace forearm. Lil ‘ Bit wants to see how the gun fits, well I concur her Dx the comb is too low. Well I apply a pc of moleskin to comb. ( we keep Dr.Scholls moleskin in clubhouse, thanks boyfriend, add that to tab as well) . Gun put back together and we play with the pattern board. <Click light bulb goes off in 19 y/o’s brain> She is hitting where she is looking.( can we get a hellyeah?) Lil’ Bit is so happy…kid is good I tell ya.
So off we go to a empty field, Lil’ Bit wants to pull, my job is to help with the shooting. Lil’ Bit says “ bellybuttonbang…low 7…Stash†. Well we are busting low 7 , we bust high 7. We move to High 1 and start busting it, Low 1 , hey the teenager is ecstatic, Lil’ Bit is ecstatic, me I’m grinning. We now have the boyfriend watching this, dropped-jaw and the squad he pulled for are giving applause of support. Everybody give a hellyeah ( we in on the deal anyway).
Boyfriend- “how did you learn to do THAT? Everybody in unison replies “bellybuttonbang! “Huh? What is that? “ Lil’ Bit informs him everybody knows what that is, that is how to shoot moving targets!
Bird, Belly, Beak, Bang !
You see the bird , pull through the belly to match speed /angle of flight, continue swinging through beak, see daylight, pull trigger and bang! Follow through of course. Just like the five year old said “bellybuttonbang!â€
So with the lessons given, a soiled dress with lace a “wild child†in jeans and T shirt ( hey this is a big accomplishment trust me ) heading home I hear “I want cheese dipâ€. Lil’ Bit eats pretty good, however she could live on cheese dip and hot sauce. Well we are supposed to do steaks at her parents. Well wild child doesn’t really get fussy , but she really wants cheese dip. Well heck, why not? I mean she is a great kid, I’m like an adopted uncle, therefore an Uncle is supposed to spoil kids- right? Of Course! Besides I probably need to let the cleaners take care of that dress…you don’t want to know…you really don’t.
Well, I say yes [ I just hit World’s Bestest Uncle status again] get a hug guess who we run into at the cleaners. Hi Mom and Dad !! Uh oh I have soiled item that resembles a 5 yr old’s dress. I hear “What did you do to my daughter! She is wearing a T shirt and jeans…bless you …I get a hug. Well it seems mom ran by and picked up dad while “wild child†and I held our “clinicâ€. Well since they were out of charcoal, “I want cheese dip†was said a few times by you know who, and well mom was planning on picking some cheese dip up anyway for –yes- you know who…I piped up and said “Hey it’s my turn to buy…why not? “ YEAH! “ Dad said lets do it…steaks tomorrow night.
Wild Child motions for me to pick her up, she whispers in my ear “ I can get you out of payingâ€. She does by golly <evil>.
In the restaurant, crowded I might add ,she informs Mom , that mom will pay. I’m holding Lil Bit , she leans over and informs Mom that Stash knows her bra size, grins and winks at me. Mom “oh no !†I nod that indeed I do know. Dad is like “what is going onâ€. Wife informs hubby HE is gonna pay and why he will gladly do so. “ I didn’t even know…errr…know ( wife elbows his side at this point) that! You sure?" Wild Child makes it clear she will announce this “information†, in a crowdeestaurant if daddy doesn’t pay…oh yes there will be an order, BIG order of cheese dip with chips to go home as well. I get a big hug from Lil bit whom says “see I told yaâ€. Hubby at dinner leans over to ask for “information†and gets elbowed again. I’m sworn to secrecy…Wild child…she is in heaven…cheese dip, hot sauce, tacos happy happy kid. Mom is kinda mixed , I mean on one hand we have jeans, T shirt, tennis shoes on her kid for a change, personal info is now known to me.
When Lil’ Bit put the shotshells from her pocket onto table…well as they were being put into Mom’s purse…dad asked what did she do at the range. What else? “Bellybuttonbangâ€.
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