DrDremel
Member
This is one of the best threads I have read in a while. I have some shirts from shooting in benefits for families of police officers killed in the line of duty twice a year called MICOPS. I wear the t-shirts since they come with the registration fee and I am too cheap to buy other clothes. My wife buys me shirts when she gets tired of seeing them. I get made as a cop all the time. I am not trying to be tactical. I liked to carry a knife and wear pants with lots of pockets before being tactical was cool. I have a belt made from a parachute strap with a buckle like the WIB my mom made for me back in 1975 from one of my dads parachutes. I it weren’t red, white and blue striped, I’d wear it still. With that in mind here are some recommendations.
As for the “Emergency Battle Dump†or “â€Liberty Hot-Mamma†scenarios, These are usually referred to as SHTF. This stands for Sh&% Hits The Floor. In these circumstances you are supposed to pull out your Benchmade and slice the belt with your serrated edge Titanium alloy blade. If this happens at night, your knife should have a picatinny rail with a Surefire light attached. Of coarse this is where the Royal Robbins pants come in handy. The strap over the back pocket along with the side pockets are now filled with the Holster, Flashlight belt sheath, spare ammo holder, and ASP baton belt holder that will fall now that your belt has been sliced. Of course, with the emergency sewing kit you have in your swiss army knife pouch, you can sew the belt together. This or come OD “100 mile an hour tape†and you are good to go.
As for shirts, anything HK is Uber-Tactical. Glock shirts are a close second. The most ultimate tactical boot is those ninja ones with the toe split thingy. I don’t know what they are called as I am not trained in the way of the modern tactical ninja. Runner up shirts are “Don’t run, you’ll only die tiredâ€, “Own the nightâ€, “Kill em all, let god sort them outâ€, or a skull with crossed M4 Carbines. These are the signs of a true dedicated tactical poser. A jacket with flip down POLICE, FBI, ATF, SHERIFF, US MARSHALL, BORDER PATROL, all add to the mystique.
At the range, There are a few tactical poser rules of etiquette. WEAR YOUR ASSAULT VEST! Not once or twice, but every time. This is important. This lets people know you are ready. The thigh holster will also help in case you need to transfer to a side arm. How this training helps non-LEO shooters in real life situations I don’t know. You must get two of the same handgun, preferably a 9mm with high capacity mags. They must both be drawn from the small of the back at the same time and shot “John Woo†style. Jumping while doing this makes you more tactical. Handguns that are acceptable: HK USP (Tactical if possible), SIG 220, 226, 228, Glock-any model, Beretta 92 variant, or in some cases a 1911 variant but only if it cost more than a grand or has a tactial rail. A Surefire flashlight adds tacticality.
Your sidearm of choice is a semi-auto M4 carbine. It must have a rail handguard and flat top upper. Attached to anything closely resembling a weaver rail, (Oops, the tactical word is picatinny) is any and everything that can possibly be purchased. A rule of thumb is to weigh the M4 empty. If it is under 14 pounds, add more stuff. All shooting is done at 25-50 yards as fast as the trigger can be pulled. Remember to quote the 25 yard sight in and how you are then set out to 250 yards. Of course this is all theory on your part as 50 yards is the most you have ever fired.
There is one weapon that is more tactical than an M4. That is an HK 91, 93 or 94. The holy grail being a PSG-1. If you have a 91, you must make it look as close to a PSG-1 as possible. If you have less than $5000 in the set-up you need to buy more stuff. These rifles are treated differently. They are babied. If they are scratched, they must be refinished, The trigger housing must be the Navy polymer if available. A PSG-1 style with adjustable palm rest is also acceptable.
Full auto is also a good indicator that you are a Tactical Terminator. This only applies if you always empty the mag in one burst and never hit anything. Acceptable substitutes are Hellfire, Tactical triggers, or Tri-Burst activators.
The truly Tactical will look down on anyone at the range using a non-tactical firearm, especially if it has wood on it. You must interrupt the other shooters to introduce them to the way of the truly tactical. Point out how your tactical sling will let your weapon hang. Make sure they understand that your M4 with TAP rounds is actually safer indoors than a 9mm because it fragments. Again this is theory as the only ammo you have ever fired is surplus SS109 and Wolf ammo. Explain to them why you have the last 3 rounds in a mag full of tracers that you paid $1.50 each at a gunshow, to inform you in combat that you need to do a tactical reload. Under no circumstances are you to ever own touch or even say revolver. If someone else is shooting one, you must snicker and laugh, teasing and pointing with your tactical team. Remember that you can tease them and make fun of them all you want, because you are wearing a ballistic vest with ceramic inserts. If you are persistent, you may actually get to see if it works.
Remember to use the Tactical terms you learned through gun magazines and video games. Phrases like “Tango Down†earn points towards your badge of ultimate tacticality. Your watch must be a model worn by SEAL team member, or at that is what the ad says.
Remember, the road to true tactical wisdom is filled with tangos.
Disclaimer: This is a joke if you don’t already know.
As for the “Emergency Battle Dump†or “â€Liberty Hot-Mamma†scenarios, These are usually referred to as SHTF. This stands for Sh&% Hits The Floor. In these circumstances you are supposed to pull out your Benchmade and slice the belt with your serrated edge Titanium alloy blade. If this happens at night, your knife should have a picatinny rail with a Surefire light attached. Of coarse this is where the Royal Robbins pants come in handy. The strap over the back pocket along with the side pockets are now filled with the Holster, Flashlight belt sheath, spare ammo holder, and ASP baton belt holder that will fall now that your belt has been sliced. Of course, with the emergency sewing kit you have in your swiss army knife pouch, you can sew the belt together. This or come OD “100 mile an hour tape†and you are good to go.
As for shirts, anything HK is Uber-Tactical. Glock shirts are a close second. The most ultimate tactical boot is those ninja ones with the toe split thingy. I don’t know what they are called as I am not trained in the way of the modern tactical ninja. Runner up shirts are “Don’t run, you’ll only die tiredâ€, “Own the nightâ€, “Kill em all, let god sort them outâ€, or a skull with crossed M4 Carbines. These are the signs of a true dedicated tactical poser. A jacket with flip down POLICE, FBI, ATF, SHERIFF, US MARSHALL, BORDER PATROL, all add to the mystique.
At the range, There are a few tactical poser rules of etiquette. WEAR YOUR ASSAULT VEST! Not once or twice, but every time. This is important. This lets people know you are ready. The thigh holster will also help in case you need to transfer to a side arm. How this training helps non-LEO shooters in real life situations I don’t know. You must get two of the same handgun, preferably a 9mm with high capacity mags. They must both be drawn from the small of the back at the same time and shot “John Woo†style. Jumping while doing this makes you more tactical. Handguns that are acceptable: HK USP (Tactical if possible), SIG 220, 226, 228, Glock-any model, Beretta 92 variant, or in some cases a 1911 variant but only if it cost more than a grand or has a tactial rail. A Surefire flashlight adds tacticality.
Your sidearm of choice is a semi-auto M4 carbine. It must have a rail handguard and flat top upper. Attached to anything closely resembling a weaver rail, (Oops, the tactical word is picatinny) is any and everything that can possibly be purchased. A rule of thumb is to weigh the M4 empty. If it is under 14 pounds, add more stuff. All shooting is done at 25-50 yards as fast as the trigger can be pulled. Remember to quote the 25 yard sight in and how you are then set out to 250 yards. Of course this is all theory on your part as 50 yards is the most you have ever fired.
There is one weapon that is more tactical than an M4. That is an HK 91, 93 or 94. The holy grail being a PSG-1. If you have a 91, you must make it look as close to a PSG-1 as possible. If you have less than $5000 in the set-up you need to buy more stuff. These rifles are treated differently. They are babied. If they are scratched, they must be refinished, The trigger housing must be the Navy polymer if available. A PSG-1 style with adjustable palm rest is also acceptable.
Full auto is also a good indicator that you are a Tactical Terminator. This only applies if you always empty the mag in one burst and never hit anything. Acceptable substitutes are Hellfire, Tactical triggers, or Tri-Burst activators.
The truly Tactical will look down on anyone at the range using a non-tactical firearm, especially if it has wood on it. You must interrupt the other shooters to introduce them to the way of the truly tactical. Point out how your tactical sling will let your weapon hang. Make sure they understand that your M4 with TAP rounds is actually safer indoors than a 9mm because it fragments. Again this is theory as the only ammo you have ever fired is surplus SS109 and Wolf ammo. Explain to them why you have the last 3 rounds in a mag full of tracers that you paid $1.50 each at a gunshow, to inform you in combat that you need to do a tactical reload. Under no circumstances are you to ever own touch or even say revolver. If someone else is shooting one, you must snicker and laugh, teasing and pointing with your tactical team. Remember that you can tease them and make fun of them all you want, because you are wearing a ballistic vest with ceramic inserts. If you are persistent, you may actually get to see if it works.
Remember to use the Tactical terms you learned through gun magazines and video games. Phrases like “Tango Down†earn points towards your badge of ultimate tacticality. Your watch must be a model worn by SEAL team member, or at that is what the ad says.
Remember, the road to true tactical wisdom is filled with tangos.
Disclaimer: This is a joke if you don’t already know.
