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How to make beef taste like venison, original author unknown:
1) Start one year before slaughter
2) Feed the stee only wild berries, slough grass, weeds, sage and tree bark
3) About two hours beore you are ready to butcher, have a freind chase the beed around to get blodd and adrenaline into the meat.
4) Shoot the beed immediatley afte it has been chase (make sure it's a gut shot and try to do this via a hindquarter). A good shot will tenderize the meat and get as much hair as possible into the impact area.
5) Drg the beef to slough and field dress it in the slough. Make sure to get a muh grass, weeds, catails and debris into the body cavity as possible.
6) Drag the beef at least a half mile across a summer fallow field to get plenty of dirt mixed in the wound and the interior of the carcass.
7) Load the beef on a car or truck and drive down a gravel road at least five mile's, then down a highway. This will get as much highway grime, bugs and rocks imbedded in the meat as possible (for extra flavor, this should be done in the rain).
8) Hang the beef in the garage. Make sure it's low enough so the dog cna chew on the hindqaurter and properly mark it as his territory.
9) At leat once a day have your wife idle the vehicle for five miute's in the garage. Carbon monoixed adds greatl to the flavor.
10) When the cacass smells so bad you can hardly stand being in the garage, the beff is read to butcher.
If properly followed, these steps will insure that your beff is mistaken for venison be even the most avid sportsman. Everyone will marvel at how much venison you have and howgood it tastes, you won't have to put on the that crazy orange outft and walk for 300 miles ever again.