Cowardice as a Tactical State of Mind

[Cosmoline]

This came up on another thread, and I though it was worth exploring. I do not view myself as brave in any sense of the word. Here are some of my maxims:

--My first goal is to stay alive, even if I'm trying to help others. If I die I can't help them and if I get hurt myself I only add to the problem.

--If there is something to hide behind when trouble brews, I will hide behind it. The bigger and more solid it is, the better.

--If I can avoid trouble, I do.

--I don't intervene in domestic squabbles until I hear an actual call for help, and my first move is to call the police.

--I never roll my car window down for approaching strangers

--When in the sticks I never approach a stranger's cabin without standing well back, prerably at the property line, and yelling "HELLO THE CABIN!" If no response comes, I will not proceed.

--I avoid eye contact with strangers, watching their hands instead.

--I ignore strangers yelling after me.

--I do not open the door to unknown people.

--If serious trouble is brewing, I will try to get a long gun and would prefer to engage an enemy from concealment and cover at a safe range.

--IMHO A nose-to-nose mutual gunfight is the worst possible scenario to be avoided unless there are no other options.

--Ditto a nose-to-nose knife vs. gun fight, regardless of which one you are holding.

--Punchups and wrestling matches must be avoided at all costs, which is one of the main reasons I never set foot in seedy bars. If confronted by angry toughs on the street, I will let their insults slide and avoid them.

--If I'm in a car, I try to keep moving. If I can't keep moving and I'm faced with imminent peril from an armed aggressor, I will get out of the car.
I try not to sit in my car when it's parked.

--Of course, I never take hitchhikers.

--I don't respond to strangers on the street trying to glad hand me or engage in coversation.

--I never ever give money to bums.

--I never assume I have permission to enter a stranger's land when in the sticks, or even to go knock on his door.

--First and foremost, I listen to my little voice.

 

[Roadwild17]

I guess your last words will not be "hey dude, watch this..."

But really, it seams like your taking all the smart steps to staying alive as long as possible, good job.

 

[Cousin Mike]

First, Cosmoline, let me say this to you personally.

I'm tired of going back and forth with you in these threads - it's not productive. So, from now on, any replies I make to you, or a thread you post will be made as civilly, and with as little smart-assed sentiment as possible, in the interest of maybe making a new friend. If that's not possible, I'd at least like to be civil.

Secondly, I don't know if I would describe your strategy as cowardice. That's a pretty strong word, and I don't know that I would consider much of anything in this list cowardly.. Maybe distant, and maybe a little.. aww, I dunno... rude? Not cowardly though.

I think most of what you said is smart, but there are some things I do differently.

--I avoid eye contact with strangers, watching their hands instead.

This is one of them. I look strangers DEAD in the eye when passing. Looking away from someone can be, and often is, seen as a sign of weakness. There are guys out there that look specifically for that reaction to pounce. IMHO, looking at someone in the face lets them know that you are watching them, you are aware of what they are doing, and furthermore, you are not intimidated. I watch hands too, but only with people I consider to be acting suspiciously. I always look everyone in the eyes.

--I ignore strangers yelling after me.

--I do not open the door to unknown people.

The former situation depends largely on where I am at, and what the person is yelling. Don't want to miss someone trying to tell me I left my keys somewhere or something.

The latter, I won't revisit, since it got a thread closed... but we agree to disagree on that one I s'pose.

If I'm in a car, I try to keep moving. If I can't keep moving and I'm faced with imminent peril from an armed aggressor, I will get out of the car.

NEVER get out of the car to engage an armed aggressor!!! Run his ass over first!

I never ever give money to bums.

We can chalk that one up to a personality difference.. but I am VERY selective about when, where, and who I would hand a $5 bill... but it's something I have done on occasion, and can't say I'll never do again.

I don't respond to strangers on the street trying to glad hand me or engage in coversation.

I do... but usually when it's a good looking woman with a nice build and nothing to sell
If someone wants to sell me a CD or a T-shirt or something, or talk to me, I'll give them the time of day, sure. It's only polite. However, someone trying to size me up is a different story, and with a little awareness (and not so much prejudice about people in general), it's easy to tell one from the other.

If there is something to hide behind when trouble brews, I will hide behind it.

This is one that COULD be sort of cowardly, depending on what type of trouble you're talking about... Shots breaking out? Sure... However, if I saw a man take cover to avoid an argument in public, well...

Draw your own conclusions on what one might think.

Other than that, most of what you said is pretty much how I operate, albeit maybe for a different reasoning... Well, minus the fistfights and wrestling matches... but that's just good ol' fashioned fun!

But, just for clarity... What's so terrible about a little bravery? Change your attitude about people a little bit, and maybe you'll find out that life, and everyday situations are nothing to fear. You gotta die someday, so living to cover your butt doesn't make much sense. You can't protect yourself from everything - and you're going to die one day, like it or not. Spend some time living, and not so much time trying to avoid dying.

You may discover there's more to life than you thought.

Edited for spelling & grammar mistakes, and to address another topic.

 

[Ed Ames]

Why do that stuff as cowardice? I mean is it really that you are scared or is this a conversational gambit?

Many of those things are just good manners. I.e. not trespassing, not getting into fights, introducing yourself as early as possible. I do the same thing, but not out of any fear of the consequences. It's just a matter of respect... I respect people, their property, and their privacy, as I would wish for them to respect me and mine. Part of that is obtaining permission and minimizing my impact on them.

Other stuff again comes back to "fine, but why base it on cowardice?" Personally, I see no reason to give money to panhandlers, nor to roll my windows down for strangers, take hitchhikers, or any of those sorts of things. But fear doing those things? Not in any active sense. I've given total strangers a ride in my car... I've spent hours chatting with panhandlers... and when someone in the next car over rolls down their window and asks for directions, I'll roll mine down and try and give them.

Some of the things on your list are just antisocial... not rendering assistance (e.g. in a domestic dispute) unless someone actually calls for help. What if she started beating the guy up physically? What if she pulled a gun? If you don't call the police as soon as you recognize a potential problem you are just creating another Kew Gardens.

Some of it is just weird... Eye contact? Fine advice for bears I guess, but humans won't attack you just because you are looking at them... they'll attack you because they want to, or won't attack because they don't want to, whether or not you are looking at them. And they may not telegraph with their hands.

The rest, about long guns and cover and similar things... EVERYONE deals with serious stuff from time to time in their lives. I know of nobody over the age of 25 or maybe 30 who hasn't been involved in potentially life-or-death situations. Those situations are almost always sudden, catastrophic, and medical in nature. Heart attacks, choking, sports injuries, CAR ACCIDENTS... these things happen constantly and you are likely to be impacted by one this year. You are NOT likely to be in a gunfight where you must go fer yer long guns or lie in ambush to get the BG. So why not concentrate some thought to what is likely to happen? Learn CPR, or advanced first aid... carry emergency supplies in your car... have a fire extinguisher in your kitchen and don't cook up any meth in your house. Simple, basic stuff, but amazingly effective.

Assuming you aren't a cop, hooker, hunter, or crack-head, the most likely gun-related scenario you face is that someone will rob you from an ambush...and their weapon is just as likely to be a knife or even a pen. You didn't mention anything at all about checking out possible hiding places of muggers as you walk, or not parking where you won't be able to check your car as you approach, or any of the other practical steps you can take to avoid trouble.

I've come close to being mugged twice. Not very close, but close. First time I drove up to my street-level appartment and decided I didn't want to park just then because something wasn't right. I drove past, circled, and approached from the other direction. When I got back there was someone sitting on the sidewalk *exactly where I would have been if I'd parked* with blood dripping down his face from where the mugger had hit him. Situational awareness saved me... and failed that guy. The other time someone was was hiding behind a lamp post planning to spring out... but casting a shadow. I noticed the weird shadow, crossed the street, and kept walking... as I passed they got an "oh damn this isn't going to work" look on their face and started walking away quickly... again, situational awareness was the answer.

I pretty much got lucky on those because I knew what to be looking for and "caught" both dangerous situations before I entered them. I may not identify the next dangerous situation.... which brings up the point of what happens if you enter a dangerous situation without being aware that it is going to be dangerous. If, in other words, you fail to maintain situational awareness.

What happens is you find yourself deep into a situation you don't control. It is most likely to be quick and surprising, and what will get you out is luck in the first 10 seconds (as you become aware of what is happening to you) or someone else's help. You will be exposed, and not mentally prepaired, and maybe they won't be expecting you either and you'll be able to back out and take cover... more likely you'll be able to hand over your wallet without being shot in the back of the head... but whatever happens you will be struggling to recover your equilibrium because you failed to maintain situational awareness.

I don't see anything in your list that helps with that.

Then again I ride a motorcycle... I fly in small single-engine airplanes. I've decided that some risks are worth taking for the better quality of life one enjoys because of those risks. So maybe I'm approaching life from a different direction. Whatever works for you.

 

[robert garner]

Cousin Mike !

Well, minus the fistfights and wrestling matches... but that's just good ol' fashioned fun!

Do i detect a bit of the Irish lad?
At any rate I like attitude!
robert

 

[cassandrasdaddy]

funny thing

i was 5 8 145 pounds of japanese and irish and i lived all over dc's worst areas and never feared opening my door.some streeets i won't go down but never scared at my house. worked all over town and usually late only time i got robbed was in palisades rich white side of town

 

[Biker]

Staying safe at all costs is not a healthy way of living. In fact, it's not living at all. Sometimes it's right - if not smart - to punch a man knowing you're gonna get your butt whupped. Riding without a helmet is what riding is all about. Grizzly bears scare me to death but I kind of like knowing that one just might be on the other side of the mountain.

Safety at all costs means living life without the 'life'.

"The All Father wove the skein of your life long ago. Hide in a hole if you like, but you won't live one instant longer"
From The 13th Warrior and an old Norse philosophy...

Biker

 

[Cousin Mike]

I've been made!

Do i detect a bit of the Irish lad?

Yessir, I'm afraid you do

African, Indian (Native American), and Irish!

The Irish got around when they came here, huh? Mixed it up with EVERYBODY!

Nobody ever guesses that in person (obviously)... The African part hides it pretty well ...but ya' can't hide it on the internet!

 

[Cosmoline]

Keep in mind, I'm not advocating safety at all costs. I agree that would be silly, and I certainly don't do it. I've lived off grid for many years, crawled down bear tunnels in the underbrush, been next to exploding gasoline, worked outside at forty below etc. etc. The stupid and dangerous things I've done could fill a book. I nearly broke my leg yesterday moving kennels. But I have to think I'm still alive in part because I've learned long ago that it's not a mistake to run from trouble or just avoid the trouble spots. Whether that's a stretch of river with edgy bruins and edgier fishermen or a dicey bar on Spenard.

So I'm not talking about living risk free.I'm talking about what might be called (or what some have called) cowardice as a tactical response to potentially dangerous individuals and situations. Some folks seem to follow what might be called a John Wayne approach to problems. And I say that as a big fan of the Duke. They go in walking tall, look trouble square in the eye and muscle it down. I admire that approach, but at the same time I can't help but consider it way too risky. It seems to me that a little cowardice and guile will serve you better when there's real trouble. That doesn't mean don't intervene. It doesn't mean don't defend yourself. But it means run and get your rifle if you can, and shoot it from behind something solid. Cowardly? Maybe. But heck even John Wayne did it from time to time.

You didn't mention anything at all about checking out possible hiding places of muggers as you walk, or not parking where you won't be able to check your car as you approach, or any of the other practical steps you can take to avoid trouble.

Those are also good pointers, and ones I follow. It's also a good idea to keep dogs.

You will be exposed, and not mentally prepaired, and maybe they won't be expecting you either and you'll be able to back out and take cover... more likely you'll be able to hand over your wallet without being shot in the back of the head... but whatever happens you will be struggling to recover your equilibrium because you failed to maintain situational awareness.

Here's one approach that highlights what I'm talking about: Why not throw my wallet out on the ground, letting the c notes fly out. Then empty my firearm into him when he goes to pick it up. Cowardly? Sure. Legal? You betcha. He's still threatening my life and still has a weapon. Lots of folks here get confused between a fair fight and a legal fight--again maybe from having seen too many Westerns. If you have to shoot to defend your life, your goal should be to make it as *UN*fair and one sided as possible.

 

[Geno]

Biker

Man, I have to meet you some day! We have to sit down, break open a beer and just talk real-world philosophy. You, my friend, have a level of human understanding that very few people have expressed. Pure safety is not a life. But, I think most people fail to realize how much risk they run most days, or they put it out of mind. True emotional freedom comes from knowing the risks, and braving them, living each day to have a full appreciation of "survival of the fittest".

Dang!

Doc2005

 

[Double Naught Spy]

Well Cosmoline, we will have to disagree again. In no way would I consider what you describe as being cowardice. In general, it sounds like being very smart.

Of course, the opposite would be those who actively engage in confrontations because of some silly sense of bravery and they would be more along the lines of being "not so smart."

Ed Ames said,

But, just for clarity... What's so terrible about a little bravery?

Nothing, except when it comes at the cost of being smart. Too many physical fights occur as a matter of stupidity and circumstance. If you are in a fight, you risk being harmed. If you can remove yourself from the circumstance, then you tremendously reduce your risk of being harmed. It is a no brainer for circumstances where there is no need to fight for your life.

Heaven forbid somebody should insult one's dignity. I know. Some people here think dignity is more valuable than life. Big deal. It is very poor math.

Cosmoline is a smart person based on the ideas presented.

 

[Biker]

DNS...

And how valuable is life without dignity? Honor?

Biker

 

[Cosmoline]

Cosmoline is a smart person based on the ideas presented.

Well you don't have all the evidence I'm afraid. I once filled a burn barrel with gasoline by accident and got set on fire after throwing match after match onto the thing wondering why that diesel wouldn't light up BOOOM! But thankfully I was wearing heavy wool clothes and remembered to roll around in the snow. I jerked back so fast from the blast I literally tore the sole off my right Danner boot. My toes were sticking out of the end afterwards! I also tried to pull spruce stumps out of the ground with my poor S-10 one time. Not to mention the whole living in a shed thing. But I digress.

 

[Edmond]

I do not consider that cowardice. In fact, I see it as the art of fighting without fighting.

Remember that your pride and ego are the very things, that while they make you feel good intrinsically, can get you seriously hurt or even killed.

 

[Cousin Mike]

Ed Ames said,
Quote:
But, just for clarity... What's so terrible about a little bravery?

Actually, I said that.

Nothing, except when it comes at the cost of being smart. Too many physical fights occur as a matter of stupidity and circumstance. If you are in a fight, you risk being harmed. If you can remove yourself from the circumstance, then you tremendously reduce your risk of being harmed. It is a no brainer for circumstances where there is no need to fight for your life.

I agree with you. But being mean and/or anti-social, ignoring people and intentionally looking away from folks who are talking to or approaching you is more likely to get you into a fight than out of one. Some folks will clean your clock for being rude - and you can't run faster than everyone... So, sometimes saying "hello" back to someone who says it to you, or other normal and polite behavior - is in and of itself what will prevent a fight.

I don't think anyone was advocating playing policeman, running into burning buildings and whatnot. For the most part, what most people are suggesting is a change in Cosmo's outlook on a few of the things he mentioned, and maybe the reasoning behind his opinions on the matter in general. It's hard to look at such a list, and not get the impression that the person who wrote it is literally mortified at the thought of something bad happening to him... And in some of our opinions, that's not a good way to live.

 

[Low-Sci]

This could be the first time that Biker and I agree on something.

At some point you do have to realize that a life without risk really isn't all that much fun, and sometimes its better to go ahead and get in the fight rather than avoid it.

I'm not saying you should approach every potential problem like John Wayne, and most of what you said has less to do with cowardice and more to do with safety, and there's nothing wrong with that. On the other hand, its important to stand up sometimes, even if its not safe to do it.

 

[c_yeager]

The life that you lay out in your post seems almost not worth living. Life without risk is not life at all.

Tell you what, place yourself into a hermetically sealed box and have it burried six foot under the ground, safe as houses.

 

[Thin Black Line]

--I ignore strangers yelling after me.

"Hey, you, watch out for that XYZ!"

(splat goes Cosmo...stranger pauses in horror then)

"Omigosh, why didn't he listen to me!? WHY?!"

 

[SAWBONES]

None of the measures listed in the introductory post are "cowardly", IMO.
They're simply non-confrontational and very cautious.

"Dignity" doesn't require one to be offended at strangers' words and behaviour. Indeed, a prudent and mature man values the words and behaviour of his friends and others known to him, but disregards insults or gestures made by street riff-raff.

In this day and age, given the potential safety issues and the legal and financial problems you open yourself up to by encouraging or pursuing "street confrontations", it's better to exercise discretion and avoidance, IMO.
I really don't care one bit about the ideas, opinions, gestures or other personal expressions of criminals, street turds and other people I don't know, and my "dignity" doesn't suffer at all in ignoring them.

OTOH, if I'm actually physically attacked, all bets are off.

 

[Cosmoline]

The life that you lay out in your post seems almost not worth living. Life without risk is not life at all.

As I pointed out, I don't lead a life without risks and I'm not advocating that. I'm pretty sure my life entails more danger and excitment that most. Plus, I'm not really sure why my life is "not worth living" because I ignore the drunks, salesmen and religious nuts who bang on my door or disregard the shirtless nutcases or meth whores calling after me for a light. The way I see it, I have no duty or obligation to give these people the time of day. Esp. since doing so opens me up to risks.

 

[OrvilleYertleson]

Cowardice as a way of life is, well, just cowardice.

Most of what you posted is just common sense. Just because you are able to put yourself at risk doesn't mean you always (or even often) should.

However, there are times when it is simply the right thing to do. For instance, if you witness a child trying to walk across a freeway: Do you stand around and watch it get run over or do you take a risk in order to save a life?

What if you witness a girl being raped? Are you going to do something about it or would you walk away and pretend nothing happenned?

In some situations you have a social obligation if not a moral one to stand up for what you feel is right.

I don't actively seek out trouble. In fact I try to avoid it and I attempt to minimize risk when planning my day. I think people should take responsibility for themselves and thier own safety, but that isn't going to stop me from helping someone who is in serious trouble if I feel I am able.

 

[Raptor5191]

I am not trying to be a jerk here, but this kind of stuff lends itself to paranoia. By all means watch out for yourself and avoid LOOKING for trouble, but for God's sake don't live your life like a human jellyfish.

 

[1911Tuner]

Cowardice?

Cosmo...Your strategy doesn't look like cowardice from where I stand. It looks like a good plan. I look at it like this:

As much as I would like to help any and all who are in trouble...my family is my first concern.

As much as I would like to be the macho guy who calls the BG out in the street at high noon to see who leaves town and who stays...my family is my first concern.

As much as I would like to go investigate the "Bump in the Night" with flashlight and pistol in hand...while telling the womenfolk and chillun that
I'll take of it...my family is still my first concern.

Where is all this leading? Well...If I DO rush to the aid of someone in trouble...or if I DO call the BG out in Marshall Dillon fashion...and if I DO
go investigate the bump in the night, and get myself disabled or killed in the process...who will be left to offer protection to those who are waiting in the wings for me to "handle things?"

First rule is to stay alive. Taking unnecessary risks isn't conducive to that end.

 

[Cousin Mike]

Nobody is suggesting that we should play cowboy. I haven't seen anyone talk of saving the day, or calling people out in the town square at high noon, or anything "macho" - yet people keep posting as if we're encouraging Cosmo to go punch some stranger in the face just for breathing.

There is a middle ground here, and I think that's what most of us here represent.

You don't have to be a hero, and you don't have to be an anti-social either. You can just be a person, and enjoy living your life without being afraid of other people. You can be aware without being paranoid. You can be mindful of other people's actions without pre-judging their intentions. That's all we're saying.

1911Tuner, I agree with what you said. I am a little unclear about this one though..

As much as I would like to go investigate the "Bump in the Night" with flashlight and pistol in hand...my family is still my first concern.

What else should one do when a bump is heard in the night? I'm not trying to pick with you, I'd just like to understand what you mean.

 

[1911Tuner]

Clearly

Mike asked:

>What else should one do when a bump is heard in the night? I'm not trying to pick with you, I'd just like to understand what you mean.<
***************

Go and look insofar as possible without exposing myself to an ambush. If "He" is out there, he waits in the shadows while I walk to within 3 feet of him.
Then...if I think that he really is out there, I get the crew behind me so I know where they all are...ready the scattergun...and loose the dogs. They'll find him for me, and take the fight out of him when they do, so that when I get to him, he'll be happy as hell to see me.