Smoke
Member
If you have read my other post here then let me tell you another about these guys.
My first trip to Monahans many years ago was an experieince to say the least. The trip started badly as I had run into problems at work the week before and had put in a lot of time to try to clean thigns up before the long weekend and opening of dove season. As a result, I was late getting out of town. I threw things in the truck and took off as fst as I could.
Monahans is a nice 6 hour drive through a bunch of nothing. About half way there I realized I had not bought a hunting license yet....no problem, there will be some place along the Interstate I can stop and get one.
There are a million gas stations, quicky marts, and assorted car dealerships along the highway but i never did see a store that looked like it might sell a license, not even a Walmart. WEll, I though, I can get one in Monahans.
I pulled into the ranch headquarters at dark. Howdys were said, introductions made to the people I didn't know, and a few beers were drank.
After breakfast the next morning we immediately head out to hunt...I still don't have a license. We go from the house to hunt "between the interstates" Its a barren piece of land between I 20- and Business !-20. You can see the trucks on the main road and cars and other vehicels on the other side. I can just hear the cell phones ringing to the local game warden...."Their shooting at the cars" We weren't; but I was a little paranoid.
The morning was not a good hunt. 3 to 4 birds per person. WE retire to the main house to wait out the heat of the day...I mention several times I need to run into town. Everyone assures me we will be going through town to hit the back side of the ranch for the evening hunt...others need to buy more shells too.
We are waiting on some of the guys to get back from playing golf (yes, Monahans has a golf course) and they come in late...and slightly inebriated. In a last minute decision we abandon going to town as these guys should not be driving on the highway....shells are loaned to those in need...me obtaining my license is forgotten and we drive 20 miles on rough ranch roads to a windmill in the middle of a mesquite thicket out in the sandhills. I don't think the devil could find a wayward soul in this country.
For sure a game warden couldn't find this place with a GPS, directions, and two bloodhounds. I am at a little more ease than the morning hunt within shooting distance of the highway.
One of the golfers complains of the heat and dust. He promptly undresses...and jumps in the water trough. Guns are brought out, and Jay and Tom get in a fight about who invited the nekkid guy in the water trough. The hunting is fast and furious, birds are swarming to this place like it's Mecca. Guns are heating up, birds are stacking up, and another of the former golfers decides the streaker in the water trough has the right idea.
Nekkid guy #1 has been consuming more barley pop. And decides the breeze might be better up on top of the windmill. Guy #2 gets nekkid and doesn't want to stop hunting so he props his gun against the trough. He sits down in the water to cool down. Jay and Tom start antoher fight about who invited these perverts to the Dove hunt.
I limited out, put my gun up, and sit down on the tailgate of the Jeep to watch the show. Nekkid guy #2 is shooting pretty well. He stands up in the trough gets his gun....shoots a bird....then sits back down in the water yelling for someone to go pick up his bird.
Jay and Tom are almost coming to blows....they are cussing as only a sandhills rancher can cuss. Shots are still being fired around the windmill as few others try to finsih their limits....When the nekkid guy on the windmill sings out that a vehicle is approaching.
I have an instant bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. I see the dark green pickup pull into the small clearing around the windmill and sure enough...it has some red and blue lights on the grill guard and a round Fish and Game emblem on the door. Crap.
The game warden gets out and surveys the scene laid out before him. One nekkid guy on top of the windmill, yelling at the top of his lungs. Check.
One nekkid guy shooting birds from the middle of a water trough filled with green slimy water.....and he stinks. Check.
Two brothers, one looks like a model from the Cabelas catalog, the other looks like a South Padre beach bum are rolling around in the sand, coverd in cow manure and cockleburrs....fighting like a couple of 5 year olds.
One guy sitting on the tailgate of a Jeep trying miserably to become invisible. check.
Assorted other guys that are scattered out in the brush...oblivious to the goings on in the clearing.
The Game Warden, as if this is a common occurance, asks the guy to climb down from the windmill....orders the other out of the trough....tells Tom to quit smearing manure on his brothers LL Bean clothes....and scrutinizes me.
He asks the two nekkid guys for their I.D.s and Licenses. Of course they are in their clothes hanging on a mesquite tree across the clearing. Both deny they are hunting anyway....they are nekkid after all.
Another guy who had been out in the brush walks into the clearing, spies the GW and tries really hard to look like a mesquite tree while fading back into the brush. He has 17 birds in his vest. He picked up some birds for another guy (he really did). GW calls him over.
Rusty ( a friend of mine) comes into the clearing wondering why no one else is shooting...doesn't notice the dark green pickup, the Game Warden, or the two nekkid guys and announces "I got 23 birds....how many did y'all get?" I just continue my impersonation of Invisible Man and shake my head.
Rustys brother, Cody, has been eyeing the whole scene from out in the brush. He spied the GW immediatly and has been circling in the brush to sneak up beside my Jeep. He whispers to me while crouched beside the fron tire, out of view of the GW. He left his wallet back at the ranch house...and to make it worse, he's a Licensed Guide. He could lose it if caught without it. I don't respond....I'm invisible.
The GW is counting birds. Checking licenses on the nekkid guys (calls in to see if they are wanted...can't be too safe) checks plugs in guns and is working his way around the clearing....he's getting closer. I am using everybit of my mental capacity to compell my body to instantly vanish.....it ain't working.
So far he has 2 nekkid guys, one denies hunting at all; the other denies those are dove feathers stuck to his body. Neither claims the birds piled by the water trough. One other guy claims he is only over limit because he did another hunter a favor by retrieving his birds. One guy cannot explain how he is over his limit... "they just appeared there" ...must have been a miracle. He caught a licensed guide sneaking through the brush with out any ID or licenses....and then he looks at me.
I realize I'm sunk. He walks over and asks to see my ID and license. I can't look him in the eye. I hand him my drivers license and tell him "I don't have a hunting license, sir" It actually hurts me to say that....physical pain.
He asks why not....I told him I was rushing to get here and just never stopped....didn't have a chance...really not a good reason.
He asked me if I was hunting (as I sit by a pile of dead birds), I repsond affirmitively. HE counts the birds. Asks to see my gun. And says "Don't go anywhere" I had been trying for 20 minutes to teleport to another galaxy...I don't think it'll happen before he gets back.
He comes back asks a few other questions about where I was from, how I knew Tom and Jay and such. Then turns around a yells "You guys listen up!" And starts walking up an ddown like a fire and brimstone preacher stopping in front of each transgressor at each relevent place in the sermon. He explains the law regarding carrying your license even if you're nekkid. Apparently he can't recall any law about hunting nekkid being illegal. He explains the limit on Dove and how everyones birds must be segregated. He advises Tom and Jay to be careful who they invite to hunt. And then points at me and says "And that is the only truthful son-of-a-B---h in the bunch."
Apparently we were not over our limit ...collectively. Nekkid hunting is within the law. Me and the guide were "Advised" we might want to obtain a license and leave a copy at the GW office before we left town. (there was one there that night) And I vowed never to hunt in Ward County again.
I have broken my vow....about 17 years in a row.
Smoke
My first trip to Monahans many years ago was an experieince to say the least. The trip started badly as I had run into problems at work the week before and had put in a lot of time to try to clean thigns up before the long weekend and opening of dove season. As a result, I was late getting out of town. I threw things in the truck and took off as fst as I could.
Monahans is a nice 6 hour drive through a bunch of nothing. About half way there I realized I had not bought a hunting license yet....no problem, there will be some place along the Interstate I can stop and get one.
There are a million gas stations, quicky marts, and assorted car dealerships along the highway but i never did see a store that looked like it might sell a license, not even a Walmart. WEll, I though, I can get one in Monahans.
I pulled into the ranch headquarters at dark. Howdys were said, introductions made to the people I didn't know, and a few beers were drank.
After breakfast the next morning we immediately head out to hunt...I still don't have a license. We go from the house to hunt "between the interstates" Its a barren piece of land between I 20- and Business !-20. You can see the trucks on the main road and cars and other vehicels on the other side. I can just hear the cell phones ringing to the local game warden...."Their shooting at the cars" We weren't; but I was a little paranoid.
The morning was not a good hunt. 3 to 4 birds per person. WE retire to the main house to wait out the heat of the day...I mention several times I need to run into town. Everyone assures me we will be going through town to hit the back side of the ranch for the evening hunt...others need to buy more shells too.
We are waiting on some of the guys to get back from playing golf (yes, Monahans has a golf course) and they come in late...and slightly inebriated. In a last minute decision we abandon going to town as these guys should not be driving on the highway....shells are loaned to those in need...me obtaining my license is forgotten and we drive 20 miles on rough ranch roads to a windmill in the middle of a mesquite thicket out in the sandhills. I don't think the devil could find a wayward soul in this country.
For sure a game warden couldn't find this place with a GPS, directions, and two bloodhounds. I am at a little more ease than the morning hunt within shooting distance of the highway.
One of the golfers complains of the heat and dust. He promptly undresses...and jumps in the water trough. Guns are brought out, and Jay and Tom get in a fight about who invited the nekkid guy in the water trough. The hunting is fast and furious, birds are swarming to this place like it's Mecca. Guns are heating up, birds are stacking up, and another of the former golfers decides the streaker in the water trough has the right idea.
Nekkid guy #1 has been consuming more barley pop. And decides the breeze might be better up on top of the windmill. Guy #2 gets nekkid and doesn't want to stop hunting so he props his gun against the trough. He sits down in the water to cool down. Jay and Tom start antoher fight about who invited these perverts to the Dove hunt.
I limited out, put my gun up, and sit down on the tailgate of the Jeep to watch the show. Nekkid guy #2 is shooting pretty well. He stands up in the trough gets his gun....shoots a bird....then sits back down in the water yelling for someone to go pick up his bird.
Jay and Tom are almost coming to blows....they are cussing as only a sandhills rancher can cuss. Shots are still being fired around the windmill as few others try to finsih their limits....When the nekkid guy on the windmill sings out that a vehicle is approaching.
I have an instant bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. I see the dark green pickup pull into the small clearing around the windmill and sure enough...it has some red and blue lights on the grill guard and a round Fish and Game emblem on the door. Crap.
The game warden gets out and surveys the scene laid out before him. One nekkid guy on top of the windmill, yelling at the top of his lungs. Check.
One nekkid guy shooting birds from the middle of a water trough filled with green slimy water.....and he stinks. Check.
Two brothers, one looks like a model from the Cabelas catalog, the other looks like a South Padre beach bum are rolling around in the sand, coverd in cow manure and cockleburrs....fighting like a couple of 5 year olds.
One guy sitting on the tailgate of a Jeep trying miserably to become invisible. check.
Assorted other guys that are scattered out in the brush...oblivious to the goings on in the clearing.
The Game Warden, as if this is a common occurance, asks the guy to climb down from the windmill....orders the other out of the trough....tells Tom to quit smearing manure on his brothers LL Bean clothes....and scrutinizes me.
He asks the two nekkid guys for their I.D.s and Licenses. Of course they are in their clothes hanging on a mesquite tree across the clearing. Both deny they are hunting anyway....they are nekkid after all.
Another guy who had been out in the brush walks into the clearing, spies the GW and tries really hard to look like a mesquite tree while fading back into the brush. He has 17 birds in his vest. He picked up some birds for another guy (he really did). GW calls him over.
Rusty ( a friend of mine) comes into the clearing wondering why no one else is shooting...doesn't notice the dark green pickup, the Game Warden, or the two nekkid guys and announces "I got 23 birds....how many did y'all get?" I just continue my impersonation of Invisible Man and shake my head.
Rustys brother, Cody, has been eyeing the whole scene from out in the brush. He spied the GW immediatly and has been circling in the brush to sneak up beside my Jeep. He whispers to me while crouched beside the fron tire, out of view of the GW. He left his wallet back at the ranch house...and to make it worse, he's a Licensed Guide. He could lose it if caught without it. I don't respond....I'm invisible.
The GW is counting birds. Checking licenses on the nekkid guys (calls in to see if they are wanted...can't be too safe) checks plugs in guns and is working his way around the clearing....he's getting closer. I am using everybit of my mental capacity to compell my body to instantly vanish.....it ain't working.
So far he has 2 nekkid guys, one denies hunting at all; the other denies those are dove feathers stuck to his body. Neither claims the birds piled by the water trough. One other guy claims he is only over limit because he did another hunter a favor by retrieving his birds. One guy cannot explain how he is over his limit... "they just appeared there" ...must have been a miracle. He caught a licensed guide sneaking through the brush with out any ID or licenses....and then he looks at me.
I realize I'm sunk. He walks over and asks to see my ID and license. I can't look him in the eye. I hand him my drivers license and tell him "I don't have a hunting license, sir" It actually hurts me to say that....physical pain.
He asks why not....I told him I was rushing to get here and just never stopped....didn't have a chance...really not a good reason.
He asked me if I was hunting (as I sit by a pile of dead birds), I repsond affirmitively. HE counts the birds. Asks to see my gun. And says "Don't go anywhere" I had been trying for 20 minutes to teleport to another galaxy...I don't think it'll happen before he gets back.
He comes back asks a few other questions about where I was from, how I knew Tom and Jay and such. Then turns around a yells "You guys listen up!" And starts walking up an ddown like a fire and brimstone preacher stopping in front of each transgressor at each relevent place in the sermon. He explains the law regarding carrying your license even if you're nekkid. Apparently he can't recall any law about hunting nekkid being illegal. He explains the limit on Dove and how everyones birds must be segregated. He advises Tom and Jay to be careful who they invite to hunt. And then points at me and says "And that is the only truthful son-of-a-B---h in the bunch."
Apparently we were not over our limit ...collectively. Nekkid hunting is within the law. Me and the guide were "Advised" we might want to obtain a license and leave a copy at the GW office before we left town. (there was one there that night) And I vowed never to hunt in Ward County again.
I have broken my vow....about 17 years in a row.
Smoke
