I'm quitting...

[Hemicuda]

My Girlfriend (capitalized because she has BEEN my Girlfirend for over 15 YEARS... we aren't married 'cause SHE doesn't need a piece of paper to show she loves me!) KNOWs guns and I are and always will be well-aquainted...

As long as my debts are met, and there's a solid house over our head, then I am FREE to spend discresionary income as I see fit...

she doesn't like "baubles" shoes, or clothes all that much... she REALLY is LOW maintainence... and a GREAT woman... but she ALSO doesn't like to see me spend my "fun money" on HER...

that said, she was DEFINITELY a fence-sitter when I met her... she had shot with her father as a kid... but was NOT into guns, nor did she want to own any...

NOW, 15 years later, there is a section of the wun-vault that SHE took over... guns that USED to sit with their counterparts in MY part of the vault, now seem to reside in HER section... (and dangit, HER section is growing, while mine shrinks...)

recently (in the last year or two) she exprtessed interest in OWNING a few... she wanted one "like she shot with her dad" (turns out it was an Apache Black Remington Nylon 66) then it was "one of those 1022 thingies (I have 3, two with bull barrels and heavy stocks, one international) but "not all built up and heavy"... into the vault went a 10/22 youth model (she's short)... then it was a ".22 pistol to play with"... so a Ruger MK II 4 7/8" NON target stainless... ALL good and great... she has some of her own... HERS, bought for her, NOT one I got for me...

I also build/rebuild cars (MoPar cars) and she FINALLY a few years ago mentioned wanting a '53 MG TD... I found a basket-case '53 MG TD for cheap, and gave it to her as a present... SHE has bought ALL the parts HERSELF and done 90% of the work... (some I had to show her how) it is drivable, looks pretty nice, and is about 90% done... ALL HERS...

The trick is, I SLOWLY brought her into cars, shooting and gun owning... NOW she has a hobby... she even goes out to the yard and shoots when I'm not there sometimes...

I am SURE that if I spent all the money I do on cars, guns and stuff for shooting, and she DIDN'T have some hobby (thankfully it IS cars and shooting!) then she might resent all the fun... and all the money I waste... (and YES, I waste alot... the only car worth more than I have into it is the 'Cuda... and that's only 'cause I've owned it for 24 years, and did all the restoration MYSELF!)

This year, I spent more on guns and ammo for myself than HER entire taxable income... (she had a terrible year) and I didn't get a SINGLE complaint from her...

BEAR 71 - Your SO has GOT to get a hobby that isn't "house related" or you are just in for problems in other areas... the gun thing is a symptom, NOt the problem...

 

[XD Fan]

Find a way to make her and your marriage (and your boys) first priority. I don't just mean that they ARE the most important thing to you, but make the FEEL LIKE they are the most important.

It gets sticky here because it is important in a relationship to not become a door mat that must subdue all personal desires, but they gotta know that you put them first.

+ infinity on the need for level headed counseling.

 

[GeorgiaGlocker]

.

Comment removed for non-High Road content.

-J

 

[bear71]

That's not very High Road of you, GeorgiaGlocker, to say something like that.

 

[T-Mac]

I think it hinges on this "90K combined income" thing.

If it is $75K for her income and $15K for you, or similar...well...you can see where I'm going.

It is a tough deal, even if you make $80K and she makes $10K....most wives tend to see that as a 50-50 wage earning situation.
Now then, if a wife makes $45k and the husband makes $44,900....well, the husband is just living off her, in her mind. :banghead:

It's a tough deal. Most of us get it thrown in our face now and then.

You gotta figure out a way... some way... to get some "mad money" that she doesn't know about ...and then a hiding place for your acquisitions.

 

[ArmedBear]

It's a tough deal. Most of us get it thrown in our face now and then.

You gotta figure out a way... some way... to get some "mad money" that she doesn't know about ...and then a hiding place for your acquisitions.

Sounds like some people here need a few things...

1. Maturity.
2. Mature wives.
3. Marriage counseling.

Trying to give advice about how to make a screwed-up relationship work by manipulating and maneuvering is not very High Road, either.

Man, I realize how lucky I am, after reading some of this stuff.

Good luck. You'll need it.

Seriously, though, Dave Ramsey's program is a great way to get a couple working as a team, financially.

If you don't want to work as a team, well, don't. It's a free country. But don't expect to have your cake and eat it, too. It'll get real frustrating. It will also get frustrating if your wife expects this, of course.

 

[03Shadowbob]

I am with you XD fan. It is definitely the most pathetic thing I have read here and speaks volumes about Caimlas.
If you have to hit a woman then you are no man. Period.

 

[MountainPeak]

Not suggesting this as your answer, but I divorced my wife 13 years ago. A few years later, my grand daughter and her, came to go on a shooting outing. We went down to my basement to select what firearms we were going to take with us. My ex remarked, "gee you never had this many guns when we were married"! I said DUUUUUUUGH!! At least my grand daughter thought it was funny!

 

[-terry]

Caimles,
That's really weird. Also total nonsense.

 

[jmburton]

the wife says every guy needs a hobby. put the foot down man it's what you love why should she take that away. compramise, work it out, stash money away.. i wouldnt hide stuff from the wife its just asking for trouble..
if you'll excuse me my son just pooped in the toilet and he requires me to examine the good deed..

all this talk makes me want to take up gun collecting.

 

[-terry]

Well, my wife and I put all our checks into a "Joint" account. THen the Joint account gives us each the same amount of discressionary money to put in our own checking accounts. We spend that discressionary income any way we like, no questions asked. The joint pays for everything else.

Occasionally we'll have conversations about what the Joint should and should not pay for. For example, should the Joint pay for the repairs and consumables on my motorcycle (the answer is yes). Should the Joint pay for a luggage rack for my motorcycle (the answer is no). Well, you get the idea. This has worked well for us and it doesn't matter who is making what. It all goes into the Joint and we get equal "allowances."

 

[MountainPeak]

If the poster suggesting hitting women is serious, HE has the problem, not the woman. As previously posted, I'm divorced, but never during the bad times leading up to it did I consider hitting my wife an option to problems. Other than personal self defense, it never should be. NEVER!

 

[ArmedBear]

-terry has it right.

I've been saving my self-allocated "allowance." When I actually started HAVING a budget, I suddenly stopped "needing" everything I saw.

Funny thing is, my next gun will be a lot nicer than the last 10 were, because this time I'll have saved for what I really want.

Until then, I won't have the chance to shoot everything I already have. Just like bear71. Much of my collection, though, isn't as high-end.

 

[The Amigo]

Suggestion

Take 100 bucks from your $200 dollar budget buy her $50 bucks of Godiva chocolates and $50 of Roses every month and you will be able to make her feel guilty which equals to more guns

 

[Caimlas]

My apologies folks; I just re-read my post from earlier about 'beating her' which many of you (rightly) took issue with. It was not my intent to make that a suggestion - it was not. I used the wrong tense, not intending it to be pertinent to the current situation, and for that I should be flogged. :banghead:

That said, if you beat her, I take no responsibility for it. I mean, listening to some guy on the internet? :-/

 

[Atticus]

"How many guns will you be happy with"

What IS making you happy about buying them...or is it at all?

I know what you're saying (been there), but you really have to wonder what is reasonable within the family budget after you've got a number of guns.

I'd like to spend 5K a year on guns to, but I've learned that a big part of family life involves self restraint and compomise.

BTW - Does she shoot your guns? I'll bet you sit on 'her' couch and eat in "her" kitchen. Are the child related expenses "hers" as well?

 

[bear71]

"I'd like to spend 5K a year on guns to, but I've learned that a big part of family life involves self restraint and compomise."

Perhaps, I'm sure you are very comfortable spending less than 3% of your net income on your hobby, atticus. Can you read that? THREE percent.

 

[Atticus]

I would be comfortable spending 25% of my income on my hobby...my wife wouldn't and isn't. That seems to be the issue. I really sympathize with you...but like I said, a reasonably happy family life includes a lot of compromise. If you'd consider divorce to get what...gun numbers 20 -25 (I lost count), rather than settling for just number 20 and 21 this year, and 22-25 next year, then you might really need to consider trading the wife and your kids world (as they know it) for more guns.

 

[Matt G]

Looks like everything that was intended to be said has been said.