Wolfman0125
Member
- Joined
- Mar 8, 2021
- Messages
- 55
Have you ever wondered what a movie would be like starring both John Wayne and Clint Eastwood?
Here is why that picture was never made. I could just see it now. As our two heroes are pinned behind a boulder in the middle of a shootout we hear…
John Wayne: Well, I’ll tell ya Little Fella, I got bushwhacked at the pass, and there ain’t enough room in this here picture for the both of us. Just so ya know, we are gonna have to flip a peso to see just which one of us is gonna kiss the girl at the end and all, and which one of us is gonna ride off in the sunset. And well, gosh darn it, I wasn’t lookin’ to do all this shootin’. If You keep shootin everybody the way you’re goin’, there ain’t gonna be anyone left for me to dust off during the showdown scene. I just don’t see why you don’t just punch ‘em out and take their guns like I do. No need for ya to fill ‘em fulla lead and all. Hey, wake up Son! Are you even listening to what I’m a tellin ya? Clint?”
Clint Eastwood: ( lifting the brim of his hat slightly.) “Old man, You talk too much. Now, are you gonna jerk those pistols or whistle Dixie?”
John Wayne: (drawing back his fist) “Why I oughtta…”
Clint Eastwood: (drawing his gun.) “I wouldn’t if I were you.”
John Wayne: “Mister, You just shot six Comancheros to my one. Count ‘em, SIX! Why’d you have to go and do a thing like that for? I never would’ve even signed on to this picture if I’da known I was gonna be upstaged by my side kick.”
Clint Eastwood: “The way I figured it, I thought you were MY sidekick.”
John Wayne: “Well Fella, I think there has gotta be some kinda mistake here, There ain’t no way in Hell that the Duke is gonna play second fiddle to some no count, low down, high plains drifter who makes his livin’ killin’ every thing that moves. Especially in movies made in some foreign country where they eat spaghetti for breakfast. Now, me personally, I make my movies in the good ol’ United States of America. And furthermore, I prefer to eat grits for breakfast. True Grits that is.”
Clint Eastwood: “I recon so.”
John Wayne: “Now Son, I ain’t seen hide nor hair of Gabby Hayes, no girl looking to avenge her parents, nor any old Mexican merchant, not the first Injun, no streetwise orphan kid, or even so much as a midget to deputize in this God-forsaken picture. And if it ain’t you, and it sure as Hell ain’t gonna be me, what happened to all the sidekicks in this sorry excuse for a movie?”
Clint Eastwood: “I recon their all dead.”
John Wayne: Well tarnation to Betsy, Clint! Just how do you suppose they ALL managed to get themselves killed?”
Clint Eastwood: “Well Marion… You don’t mind me calling you Marion, do you?”
John Wayne: “The name is John or Duke, Mister! And I ain’t gonna remind ya second time.”
Clint Eastwood: (Spits) “Ok, Dukey it is.”
John Wayne: “…And I’m willing to bet your given name sure as hell ain’t Clint Eastwood neither.”
Clint Eastwood: (spits) “Ain’t got a name.”
John Wayne: “The man with no name. Now that’s a hoot, if I ever heard of one! Now, whoever the heck you are Mister, I wanna know what happened to our sidekicks in this western, and I wanna know now before I have ta spank somebody!”
Clint Eastwood: ”Well John, I recon that’s just what happens when a .44 caliber bullet meets you right between the eyes. Especially when you disturb a man while he’s tryin’ to get a little shut-eye.”
John Wayne: “So you were nappin’ and heard a noise and just decided to shoot first and ask questions later? Is that about the size of it?”
Clint Eastwood: “I recon so.”
John Wayne: “You just shot em all to hell and back hunh? Every last one of em?”
Clint Eastwood: “Yep.” (Lights cigar)
John Wayne: “So now we’re plumb out of sidekicks! I never heard the like. Mister you just crossed the line.”
Clint Eastwood: “Cross em all the time.”
John Wayne: “Yeah, on all them notches on the grips of that fancy shootin’ iron of yours. Which leads me to another question. How come you carry those two enormous Colt Walker horse pistols?”
Clint Eastwood: “Cause you just never know when you might need to shoot some horse’s ass, lookin’ to make a name for himself.”
John Wayne: “Sounds like you’re compensating for something. Big ten pound guns and all.
Don’t see how you manage to keep your britches up with all that iron on your hips. Guess that is what that Mexican horse blanket your wearing is for, I suspect?”
Clint Eastwood: (Spits) “Says the guy with the big head who used the wear a ten gallon hat. ”
John Wayne: “If you would quit interrupting me with your yapping’ ya just might learn sumthin’ Son. Now me, I carry one gun, and that’s all I need. It’s light enough and I can carry it through a whole moving picture show and never get tired. Hell, in most of my movies, I don’t even have to reload. Now, take YOU on the other hand, the producers used up the entire film budget just to supply YOU with ammunition and people to shoot. And you wonder why no self respecting American motion picture producer would ever finance one of your movies? Because they’d probably go bankrupt a-doin’ it.
And by the way, what in tarnation is the deal with the snake on the grips of that pistol you tote around? You wanna see a real “Rooster Shooter?get a load of these grips, Son.
Go on now, have a look at em.”
Clint Eastwood: “Yellow… Ain’t they?”
John Wayne: “You’re darn tootin! That’s aged ivory son. Best grips in the West I tell ya. They just don’t make ‘em like that anymore.”
Clint Eastwood: “Naw, they’re made out of plastic. Your gun says Pietta made in Italy. Kinda reminds you of this movie, now don’t it?”
Here is why that picture was never made. I could just see it now. As our two heroes are pinned behind a boulder in the middle of a shootout we hear…
John Wayne: Well, I’ll tell ya Little Fella, I got bushwhacked at the pass, and there ain’t enough room in this here picture for the both of us. Just so ya know, we are gonna have to flip a peso to see just which one of us is gonna kiss the girl at the end and all, and which one of us is gonna ride off in the sunset. And well, gosh darn it, I wasn’t lookin’ to do all this shootin’. If You keep shootin everybody the way you’re goin’, there ain’t gonna be anyone left for me to dust off during the showdown scene. I just don’t see why you don’t just punch ‘em out and take their guns like I do. No need for ya to fill ‘em fulla lead and all. Hey, wake up Son! Are you even listening to what I’m a tellin ya? Clint?”
Clint Eastwood: ( lifting the brim of his hat slightly.) “Old man, You talk too much. Now, are you gonna jerk those pistols or whistle Dixie?”
John Wayne: (drawing back his fist) “Why I oughtta…”
Clint Eastwood: (drawing his gun.) “I wouldn’t if I were you.”
John Wayne: “Mister, You just shot six Comancheros to my one. Count ‘em, SIX! Why’d you have to go and do a thing like that for? I never would’ve even signed on to this picture if I’da known I was gonna be upstaged by my side kick.”
Clint Eastwood: “The way I figured it, I thought you were MY sidekick.”
John Wayne: “Well Fella, I think there has gotta be some kinda mistake here, There ain’t no way in Hell that the Duke is gonna play second fiddle to some no count, low down, high plains drifter who makes his livin’ killin’ every thing that moves. Especially in movies made in some foreign country where they eat spaghetti for breakfast. Now, me personally, I make my movies in the good ol’ United States of America. And furthermore, I prefer to eat grits for breakfast. True Grits that is.”
Clint Eastwood: “I recon so.”
John Wayne: “Now Son, I ain’t seen hide nor hair of Gabby Hayes, no girl looking to avenge her parents, nor any old Mexican merchant, not the first Injun, no streetwise orphan kid, or even so much as a midget to deputize in this God-forsaken picture. And if it ain’t you, and it sure as Hell ain’t gonna be me, what happened to all the sidekicks in this sorry excuse for a movie?”
Clint Eastwood: “I recon their all dead.”
John Wayne: Well tarnation to Betsy, Clint! Just how do you suppose they ALL managed to get themselves killed?”
Clint Eastwood: “Well Marion… You don’t mind me calling you Marion, do you?”
John Wayne: “The name is John or Duke, Mister! And I ain’t gonna remind ya second time.”
Clint Eastwood: (Spits) “Ok, Dukey it is.”
John Wayne: “…And I’m willing to bet your given name sure as hell ain’t Clint Eastwood neither.”
Clint Eastwood: (spits) “Ain’t got a name.”
John Wayne: “The man with no name. Now that’s a hoot, if I ever heard of one! Now, whoever the heck you are Mister, I wanna know what happened to our sidekicks in this western, and I wanna know now before I have ta spank somebody!”
Clint Eastwood: ”Well John, I recon that’s just what happens when a .44 caliber bullet meets you right between the eyes. Especially when you disturb a man while he’s tryin’ to get a little shut-eye.”
John Wayne: “So you were nappin’ and heard a noise and just decided to shoot first and ask questions later? Is that about the size of it?”
Clint Eastwood: “I recon so.”
John Wayne: “You just shot em all to hell and back hunh? Every last one of em?”
Clint Eastwood: “Yep.” (Lights cigar)
John Wayne: “So now we’re plumb out of sidekicks! I never heard the like. Mister you just crossed the line.”
Clint Eastwood: “Cross em all the time.”
John Wayne: “Yeah, on all them notches on the grips of that fancy shootin’ iron of yours. Which leads me to another question. How come you carry those two enormous Colt Walker horse pistols?”
Clint Eastwood: “Cause you just never know when you might need to shoot some horse’s ass, lookin’ to make a name for himself.”
John Wayne: “Sounds like you’re compensating for something. Big ten pound guns and all.
Don’t see how you manage to keep your britches up with all that iron on your hips. Guess that is what that Mexican horse blanket your wearing is for, I suspect?”
Clint Eastwood: (Spits) “Says the guy with the big head who used the wear a ten gallon hat. ”
John Wayne: “If you would quit interrupting me with your yapping’ ya just might learn sumthin’ Son. Now me, I carry one gun, and that’s all I need. It’s light enough and I can carry it through a whole moving picture show and never get tired. Hell, in most of my movies, I don’t even have to reload. Now, take YOU on the other hand, the producers used up the entire film budget just to supply YOU with ammunition and people to shoot. And you wonder why no self respecting American motion picture producer would ever finance one of your movies? Because they’d probably go bankrupt a-doin’ it.
And by the way, what in tarnation is the deal with the snake on the grips of that pistol you tote around? You wanna see a real “Rooster Shooter?get a load of these grips, Son.
Go on now, have a look at em.”
Clint Eastwood: “Yellow… Ain’t they?”
John Wayne: “You’re darn tootin! That’s aged ivory son. Best grips in the West I tell ya. They just don’t make ‘em like that anymore.”
Clint Eastwood: “Naw, they’re made out of plastic. Your gun says Pietta made in Italy. Kinda reminds you of this movie, now don’t it?”
You could be a political speech writer though LOL.
