Can someone tell me the type and grain of the absolute most lethal .45 ACP round that will pretty much guarantee near fail-proof defeat with one shot?
What you're looking for is .45 ACP with a high explosive payload, made of tungsten (causes fatal lung cancer after a few months), has sonar in it that lets it sense vital organs, and then some kind of maneuvering jets to steer itself towards them.
Since that doesn't exist, buy a good premium 230 grain hollowpoint, and practice a lot. Recommendations: much as I hate Winchester's politics, their law enforcement only 230 gr Ranger Talons are pretty good. Federal HSTs are decent as well. Rem Golden Sabers are the absolute best of the best in 9mm, and not too shabby in .45.
However, if you need to defend your life, you should expect to have to shoot someone multiple times. "One shot stop" percentages are bunk. Even if the data isn't fabricated outright, it's only a measure of what percent of the time someone stopped (eventually) after being shot only once. Multiple hits are totally discarded, regardless of the outcome. And if you shoot someone only once, why is that? Probably because they stopped, and more shots were unnecessary. Thus, the numbers are
extremely inflated. Not even a high-powered rifle will have a 95% chance of a one shot stop.
In real life, the chances of someone immediately collapsing or surrendering when shot (any number of times) somewhere other than the central nervous system, is about 40%. The rest of the time, you'll either need to wait for them to bleed out, or try and manage a head or upper spine shot.
And in real life, people take a
long time to bleed out. Bare minimum is about 10 seconds. You should
hope that you'll never have to use a firearm at
all, but you should plan on (and train for) making multiple center mass hits on multiple adversaries, then reloading and doing it again.
Required reading:
http://www.fbi.gov/publications/leb/2004/oct2004/oct04leb.htm#page_15 (you may need to scroll down a little; the relevant article is called
One-Shot Drops: Surviving the Myth)
http://www.firearmstactical.com/hwfe.htm
http://www.theppsc.org/Staff_Views/Aveni/OIS- What We Didn't Know Hurt Us.pdf