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As a New Jersey resident, I have discovered several simple devices that can demonstrate to children the principles by which New Jersey government deals with its citizens. You may find them helpful too.
For example, as a youngster I used to play the simple card game "war" with my friends. After awhile, when I thoroughly understood that the higher ranking cards beat the lower ranking ones I created a new game I called New Jersey government. In this game I was government and I won every trick, regardless of who had the better card. My friends soon lost interest in my new game, but I like to think it taught them a valuable lesson for later in life in New Jersey.
When your children are together you can teach them about the New Jersey tax system in a way that is easy to grasp. Offer them, say, $10 to mow the lawn. When they have mowed it and ask to be paid withhold $5 and explain that this is income tax. Give $1 to another child and tell him that this is "fair". Also, explain that you need the other $4 yourself to cover the administrative costs of dividing the money. When your child cried foul tell him he is being "selfish" and "greedy". Later in life he will thank you.
Make as many rules as possible. Leave the reasons for them obscure. Enforce them arbitrarily. Accuse your child of breaking rules you have never told him about. Keep him anxious that he may be violating commands you haven't yet issued. Instill in him the feeling that rules are utterly irrational.
This will prepare him for living under New Jersey government.
When you child understands sufficiently how the New Jersey judicial system works set a bedtime for him and then send him to bed an hour early. When he tearfully accuses you of breaking the rules, explain that you made the rules and you can interpret them in any way that seems appropriate to you, according to changing conditions. This will prepare him for the New Jersey Supreme Court's concept of the state constitution as a "living document".
Promise often to take him to the movies or the zoo and then, at the appropriate hour, recline in an easy chair with a newspaper and tell him you have changed your plans. When he screams, "But you promised!", explain to him that it was a campaign promise.
Every now and then, without warning, slap your child. Then explain that this is defense. Tell him that you must be vigilant at all time to stop any potential enemy before he gets big enough to hurt you. This, too, your child will appreciate, not right at that moment, maybe, but later in life.
At times your child will naturally express discontent with your methods. He may even give voice to a wish that he lived with another family. To forestall and minimize this reaction, tell him how lucky he is to be with you, the most loving and indulgent parent in the world, and recount lurid stories of the cruelties of other parents. This will make him loyal to you and, later, receptive to schoolroom claims that the New Jersey way of government is still the best on earth.
This brings me to the most important child-rearing technique of all: Lying. Lie to your child constantly. Teach him that words mean nothing - or rather that the meanings of words are continually "evolving" and may be tomorrow the opposite of what they are today.
Some may object that this is a poor way to raise a child. A few may even call it child abuse. But that's the whole point: Child abuse is the best preparation for adult life under the New Jersey way of government.
For example, as a youngster I used to play the simple card game "war" with my friends. After awhile, when I thoroughly understood that the higher ranking cards beat the lower ranking ones I created a new game I called New Jersey government. In this game I was government and I won every trick, regardless of who had the better card. My friends soon lost interest in my new game, but I like to think it taught them a valuable lesson for later in life in New Jersey.
When your children are together you can teach them about the New Jersey tax system in a way that is easy to grasp. Offer them, say, $10 to mow the lawn. When they have mowed it and ask to be paid withhold $5 and explain that this is income tax. Give $1 to another child and tell him that this is "fair". Also, explain that you need the other $4 yourself to cover the administrative costs of dividing the money. When your child cried foul tell him he is being "selfish" and "greedy". Later in life he will thank you.
Make as many rules as possible. Leave the reasons for them obscure. Enforce them arbitrarily. Accuse your child of breaking rules you have never told him about. Keep him anxious that he may be violating commands you haven't yet issued. Instill in him the feeling that rules are utterly irrational.
This will prepare him for living under New Jersey government.
When you child understands sufficiently how the New Jersey judicial system works set a bedtime for him and then send him to bed an hour early. When he tearfully accuses you of breaking the rules, explain that you made the rules and you can interpret them in any way that seems appropriate to you, according to changing conditions. This will prepare him for the New Jersey Supreme Court's concept of the state constitution as a "living document".
Promise often to take him to the movies or the zoo and then, at the appropriate hour, recline in an easy chair with a newspaper and tell him you have changed your plans. When he screams, "But you promised!", explain to him that it was a campaign promise.
Every now and then, without warning, slap your child. Then explain that this is defense. Tell him that you must be vigilant at all time to stop any potential enemy before he gets big enough to hurt you. This, too, your child will appreciate, not right at that moment, maybe, but later in life.
At times your child will naturally express discontent with your methods. He may even give voice to a wish that he lived with another family. To forestall and minimize this reaction, tell him how lucky he is to be with you, the most loving and indulgent parent in the world, and recount lurid stories of the cruelties of other parents. This will make him loyal to you and, later, receptive to schoolroom claims that the New Jersey way of government is still the best on earth.
This brings me to the most important child-rearing technique of all: Lying. Lie to your child constantly. Teach him that words mean nothing - or rather that the meanings of words are continually "evolving" and may be tomorrow the opposite of what they are today.
Some may object that this is a poor way to raise a child. A few may even call it child abuse. But that's the whole point: Child abuse is the best preparation for adult life under the New Jersey way of government.
