Possum's right
Caliber isn't everything, and things are more complicated than "9mm is easier recoiling than .40 or .45." (I know I'm not quoting you, but similar things are frequently said
)
1) As possum said, guns in the same caliber can feel very different -- everyone has a different combination of taste, body size, posture, grip strength, etc -- shoot as many different kinds as you can to get an idea of what sort feels comfortable for you.
1') Despite that, people sometimes exaggerate the differences between guns, for many reasons. Maybe they really feel that strongly about the difference in grip angle between an XD and a Glock *, maybe it's a bad case of cognitive dissonance, maybe it's just rah-rah fanboyism** or its opposite (the desire to denigrate the competition). There's absolutely nothing wrong with liking the feel of very different guns -- no accounting for taste, YMMV, shalom.
2) Take caliber-strength descriptions with a grain of salt; it's something people get worked up about sometimes way past the point of distinguishability. I am not a deeply seasoned shooter by any means -- have been a casual shooter for several years, but mostly have to live vicariously
-- but I've shot at least a few shots from quite a few calibers. Don't buy the hype that there's a simple "easiest shooting" to "hardest shooting" continuum, except perhaps that .22LR is the easiest readily available ammo. (Corrections appreciated on that count!).
Once you're in the land of mid-size centerfire pistol cartridges, I think in most circumstances the gun-shooter complex matters more than the caliber when it comes to perceived recoil. (And by midsize, I'm counting 380 -- which is pretty small -- up to .357 magnum ... arbitrary, but Hey.) A .45ACP from a 4" or 5" Smith and Wesson 625 (a nice stainless revolver) is a lot nicer on *my* hands than a 9mm from a smallish autopistol, but neither is really all that bad.
It's easy to tell the difference between .357 Magnum and .38 special in every revolver from which I've fired both of those cartridges, but the difference in noise is IMO worse than the difference in kick.
People have different tolerances for repeated fire, too -- to me, 100 rounds is generally enough at a session for .45, whereas my arms get tired from *holding* the gun when I'm firing .22 long for a long time; recoil there just isn't an issue.
Bottom line: 9mm is a pleasant cartridge to shoot, but you might want to give others a try, too.
Oh, and one pistol I've not fired but would like to based on reviews is the Stoeger (nee Beretta) Cougar; its rotating barrel is supposed to dampen the recoil a bit, too:
http://www.stoegerindustries.com/firearms/cougar8000.tpl
It's not small, but for $350 seems like a bargain.
timothy
* (Which is silly -- everyone knows the XD has the perfect angle, and Glocks are guaranteed wrist breakers foisted on the U.S. by Austrian provocateurs, so there's really nothing to get worked up about)
** Which can be very good natured, note!
