I beg to differ.
I'm always impressed with the hard-hitting, unbiased and intelligently reported stories from New England's preeminent news organization, the Boston Globe. This story is no exception. I commend the journalist for bringing this most important issue to her readers' attention.
Clearly, what Boston needs to do is follow San Francisco's enlightened lead and ban all guns.
This simple, common sense measure will undoubtedly solve the crime problem.
After all, gun bans are a proven strategy, one which has done wonders for the crime situations in Washington, D.C., and Chicago, IL, as shining examples. Doesn't Boston's Democratic Mayor Menino want to be able to say he led the charge to take the title of Murder Capital of America away from current titleholder (and periennial favorite) D.C.? I mean, D.C.'s
already the nation's capital, do they have to have to hog
all the top crime titles as well? Now, that's not really democratic, you know? Or is it?
Admittedly, with San Francisco's latest crafty maneuver, their preemptive strike, if you will, getting Boston’s violent crime numbers into truly nation-leading territory will no doubt be harder to achieve. (I'll bet the good Mayor is kicking himself that he didn't think of the "San Fran Option" first. Darnit.) But if Boston is to regain its long lost preeminence, taking its rightful place as "Boom Town" of the East (versus the more, uh, malodorous "Bean Town" mantle), there's not a moment to lose! I suggest those of our readers in the Bay State contact the Mayor and urge him to immediately begin campaigning for a total, complete, and utter ban on all guns in his fair city -- real, replica, or toy, you name it. And don't forget things like starter pistols and such. (Come on, those don’t have any real “Sporting Purpose”, do they?) Tell him to do it for the children.
Now I know some of the more cynical, no doubt much less highly educated and elite, folks out there will point to statements in the article such as
''Massachusetts has excellent gun laws," said Larry Mayes, the city's chief of human services. ''But . . . if the neighboring states around us are lax, then we need to look at some strategies to strengthen our state borders."
and point out that those neighboring states like New "Live Free or Die" Hampshire with their pesky lax gun laws and all those guns have much, much lower violent crime rates, but really, let's be honest. Can we seriously compare an elite, spohisticated state, sorry, Commonwealth, like Massachusetts, with those hicks up in cow land, I mean, New Hampshire? (No offense to our New Hampshire readers, of course. We don't mean
you.) Folks, we're talking here about Massachusetts, the state that gave us the Kennedys, you know? What did New Hampshire ever give us but limited state government, no income taxes, and stuff with no sales tax? (Yes, I know Daniel Webster was born in New Hampshire -- please, didn't I already mention the
Kennedys are from Massachusetts???)
Should urbane Bostonites really be expected to compare Boston, their towering urban success story, a city right next door to Cambridge, home to
Harvard, for goodness' sakes, to what, Portsmouth? Nashua? I mean, really!
So let's get Mayor Menino out there with his armed bodyguards campaigning for that Boston gun ban! Just say "NO" to guns! And drugs! And cigarettes! (Since he’s already going to be out there campaigning anyway….) We have no time to lose!
Because next week, we get to work on banning cars, so that we can deal with that disturbing drunk driving problem. Next stop, utopia!