Question to the experts here:)

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thewon

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Hey, guys.
I'm new to this forum and actually I know nothing about guns compare to you guys.
That's why I joined this forum.
I'm a director and I study at LA film school.
I was wondering if I can get some help from you guys.
I'm writing a script which is action genre.
I have a scene about a guy who explanes about the berreta 85 (The year is about 1983)
I was wondering if you guys can give me some advise.
You're more than welcome to rewrite this part as long as it makes sense to gun experts.
I need some reality on this one.
Here's the line.
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The Mexican guy smiles nervously and tosses the duffle bag on the floor. Mark opens it. Jack checks out the money. Jack grabs the gun from the case and shows it to him.

JACK
.380 caliber double-action pistol with all of the exceptional safety features. Even if you drop it. It won't fire until you pull the trigger. It's a new model. Just came out. The internal firing pin blocking device prevents accidental discharge.

Jack loads the gun and points it to the Mexican guy.

JACK (CONT'D)
It should be good for amateurs like you.

The Mexican guy's very nervous. Jack keeps pointing at him.
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This is my idea on this scene.
As you notice it doesn't sound right, you know.
Sounds like he's reading excerpt from something.
He's a big arms dealer and shouldn't be talking like that.
What do you guys think?
I really need you guys help!
Thank you for your help in advance!:)
 
Maybe do something like this:

Jack *showing the gun to the Mexican*:
It's a new model that just came out. A three-eighty (.380) caliber, double-action pistol with more safety features than Fort Knox. Hell, even if you drop it, it won't fire. The only way to make it go "bang" is by pulling the trigger.

*Jack loads the gun, then points it at the Mexican..*

Jack:
Should be good, even for an amateur like you...
 
You could just say the M85 is a standard double action .380 ACP pistol with a 8 round magazine. You could mention how the single stack magazine makes for a slimmer pistol. Very few dealers would be talking about any kind of internal safeties. Loading and pointing the pistol at the potential buyer is wrong unless it's leading to something in the story.
If you are buying blackmarket guns and have a large sum of money (I imagine that's the point of the duffle bag) you wouldn't walk into the deal unarmed and alone. So the dealer loading and pointing the pistol would be met with guns being drawn. The backup would be placing his hand on his gun as soon as the dealer starts to load the pistol.
I would choose a different pistol for the story unless a point is being made around the .380 ACP. The M85 is rather big for a concealment .380 ACP. Pistols in more powerful calibers (like the popular 9mm) are made the same size.
 
.380 caliber double-action pistol with all of the exceptional safety features. Even if you drop it. It won't fire until you pull the trigger. It's a new model. Just came out. The internal firing pin blocking device prevents accidental discharge.
Click to expand...

Drop safeties and firing pin blocks are unexeptional safety features for a pistol.

I'd be hard pressed to think of any pistol model made since 1900 or so that would discharge if dropped. Some models of single action revolvers.
 
Oh, and welcome.

You could chop the dialogue into a cataloguing of the features.

Jack while checking the slide and loading the magazine in the pistol:

".380 caliber"

"double-action"

"lotsa safety features"

Jack now with the pistol loaded:

"Even if you drop it it won't fire until you pull the trigger."

"Ya know" micro-pause "a new model. Just came out."

brief pause

Jack gesturing at the pistol as if showing some detail inside the gun:
"It's got an internal firing pin block"

Jack now points pistol at Mexican:
"that prevents some amature like you from getting shot by accident."
 
My advice is drop the whole thing from dialog. Why does the reader want to read about the features of the Baretta Model 85? Is it germane to the plot?

How does he load the gun? Is there a box of ammo in the same case? If so, it isn't mentioned.

Jack grabbed the gun from the case and pointed it at Pablo. He grinned. "Don't worry. It won't go off unless I pull the trigger."
Click to expand...
 
My advice: get yourself a writing student to team up with. That dialogue is... :confused:
 
cool

Thank you guys so much!
It helps a lot and I really appreciate you guys help.
I'll come back with the new version and tell what you guys think.
Thanks!:)
 
gun dealers always seem to talk more about killing power and reliability instead of safety features.

a beretta 85 doesn't seem right somehow.
 
The Mexican smiles nervously, then tosses the duffle bag towards Mark.

Mark eyes the Mexican, then kneels down and opens the bag

Jack quickly glances towards the bag to check out the money.
and at the same time slowly pulls the gun from the case

JACK monotones (obviously he has memorized the specs)
Beretta 85
double action
holds 8 rounds
8mm
shoots blanks
used as movie props
runs around $100
plus shipping (no shipping to Ca)


Jack racks the slide (foley insert numerous racking noises here)
and points it towards the Mexican guy.

Time seems to slow down and the tension builds

The Mexican guy's very nervous. Jack keeps pointing the gun at him

JACK: So what do you think is better .45 or 9mm??
 
my guess is that he uses a Beretta 85 because they make a prop pistol that looks like an 85 that shoots 8mm blanks (thus my dialougue in the above post)
I was the "gun wrangler" for a low budget film once, whoopididoo.;)
 
Multiple safety features are more the norm than the exception on most modern semi-auto pistols.
SatCong
 
My advice: get yourself a writing student to team up with.
Click to expand...
If the world worked the way I think it should, this would be my advice as well. But I heard Eric Idle on the radio the other day saying script writer is the lowest job in Hollywood. The second lowest job is script reader. Apparently directors, producers, even actors in Hollywood don’t take the 40 minutes it takes to read the scripts for the movies they work on. They hire a script reader to read it and then tell them about it. Even dialog coaches don’t read the scripts. If this is true, don’t waste your time improving your writing skills. Or even your reading skills.

To get this post drifting back to guns, it seems the movies that use technical aspects of guns, cars, etc most effectively, do so by showing them accurately, and not talking about them. The gun nuts (sorry – fellow firearm enthusiasts) in the audience will talk about them ad nauseum, adding to the underground buzz that makes a movie a hit. Just google “Domino guns” and see what is flying around the internet. So as a director I think you want to know enough about guns to show appropriate ones being used correctly, but as the post above said, perhaps dialog should be used for furthering the plot., fleshing out characters, setting the mood, etc.
 
Watch some of Tom Selleck's work. His dialogue will occasionally go into technical details (Quigley) but mainly his gunwork is in how he interacts. In one fllick he's going to the aid of some Indian chief daughter and has to pull his piece. Finger is outside the trigger guard. IIRC he later pulls the hammer back with the finger still outside the guard. Quigley has a scene where he's eating with a family and a young son sees the rifle and wants to look at it. Quigley asks dad if it is ok for junior to look. Dad gives the go'head. Quigley picks up the rifle, opens the breech, extracts the round and hands it with the action open (IIRC). All good safe actions. Around the same scene in Quigley the old man is miccing one of Quigley's rounds and he goes off onto a riff about what to substitute that is readily available. Safety and technology exist side by side in the same movie.

Maybe you don't have the acreage to demonstrate safe handing and technology, but what Selleck does in his flicks is good stuff. There is no bravo sierra gun handling in a Selleck movie like there is in others.
 
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