The 213 Things Skippy is No Longer Allowed to Do in the U.S. Army

[standingbear]

77. The MP checkpoint is not an Imperial Stormtrooper roadblock, so I should not tell them "You don't need to see my identification, these are not the droids you are looking for

LMDAO!!

 

[Moparmike]

I can see myself doing some of those things if I joined...

I saw this somewhere, and actually saved the google cached site because the site was down.

What is a leg officer?

 

[Devonai]

Infantry, i.e. not Airborne.

 

[George Hill]

143. I do not need to keep a 'range card' by my window.
No, but that's super funny... making everyone that goes past the window very nervous....


175. We do not 'charge into battle, naked, like the Celts'.
There is a story behind this one.


181. Pokémon® trainer is not an MOS.
I don't know why I laughed at this one... But I did.


185. My name is not a killing word.
Nice "DUNE" reference.

191. Our Humvees cannot be assembled into a giant battle-robot.
Nice Voltron reference.


194. Shouldn't take incriminating photos of my chain of command.
195. Shouldn't use Photoshop ® to create incriminating photos of my chain of command.
These made me laugh out loud and caused pepsi to back up into my sinuses.

 

[Mark Tyson]

What is a leg officer?

A leg is someone who is not airborne qualified, because they walk everywhere. It's also sometimes used to describe someone who is not Ranger qualified, or just as a general term for a soldier less "high speed" than yourself. The irony is that generally speaking the more high speed you are(ie Ranger, SF, LRS, whatever) the more walking you do, not less.

 

[Quartus]

I don't see funny - I see a pathetic, self-centered idiot who is a disgrace to the uniform. Certainly NOT the kind of person I want by my side when the bullets are flying.

 

[Art Eatman]

Quartus, implicit in your comment is the notion that honored combat veterans have no sense of irony, humor, or imagination.

Ever read Mauldin's "Up Front"?

, Art

 

[Amish_Bill]

Art - a much more polite and reasoned answer than the one that flashed through my head...

 

[Ed Straker]

Wow, Quartus. Pathetic and self-centered. That's why it's funny. Thank you. Semper Fi.

 

[Sean Smith]

Actually, in my experience the most high-speed folks tend to have the sickest senses of humor.

 

[sm]

Though I didn't serve myself, my dad was in the Nat'l Guard.
I grew up with various "antics" being pulled with him and members of his unit.
I also have many Friends that are Vets, and lost a few too in 'Nam as well.

I printed or e-mailed this to some folks and they really got a kick out of it. Thanks for posting this again.

Word is to get a new Lt stepping and fetching is replace the Blistex tube contents with Caspian pepper pain relief creme...especially if said Lt., uses this Blistex to prevent chafing in sensitive areas. About a mile into 10 mile hike in the summer heat...things get real "interesting".

 

[p35]

How many of these relate to showing up for duty naked? Is that a common way to drive your chain of command up the wall or does this guy just have a weird obsession?

 

[Amish_Bill]

He Wasn't "naked"! he had CLP and a K-Pot!

 

[Quartus]

Quartus, implicit in your comment is the notion that honored combat veterans have no sense of irony, humor, or imagination.

No, Art, that is NOT implicit in my comment. My comment has nothing to do with the (sometimes gallows) sense of humor of combat veterens, and everything to do with being sick and tired of spoiled brats who think the world revolves around them and that the highest virtue is to scorn all that is honorable.


"It's just a joke!" is NOT a license to spit on everything around you.

 

[Bruce H]

Somebodys rope is coiled way too tight.

 

[Balog]

Call me crazy, but aren't several of the people who've responded positively to this thread veterans?

 

[Mark Tyson]

Call me crazy, but aren't several of the people who've responded positively to this thread veterans?

Yes, and I'm suspicious of anyone who doesn't have a sense of humor or who takes themselves too seriously. Most of your SF and snake eater types are not wound up like springs - they have an easy going attitude that makes them work well with other people and can lift your spirits when life is rough.

How many of these relate to showing up for duty naked? Is that a common way to drive your chain of command up the wall or does this guy just have a weird obsession?

I remember a guy - Specialist Kope. Crazy bastard. We were told to show up for formation prior to a road march in Kevlar, LBE and protective mask. Kope shows up in his Kevlar, LBE and pro mask - buck naked.

Same guy hung a pair of crotchless lingire on his walllocker during a Brigade Sgt Major's inspection.

 

[Art Eatman]

I don't see myself as a Vet--never got shot at--but I'm an ex-GI. Four years, three months and twenty-two days, ending in May of 1958, but who's counting?

Remember the original movie of "MASH"? I've often commented that I've met all those characters. But, just not all in the same place at the same time. Some in Korea; some in Japan; some at Ft. Bliss and Ft. Sill, and some in Paris. All the branches of service, particularly in Paris.

The military is a cross-section of humanity. Some sections are crosser than others.

I have a high regard for the military as an honorable calling, and a respect for the chain of command. That doesn't mean I can't laugh my tail off at the quirks and foibles of those within the system.

, Art

 

[Tag]

I had to print this out and bring it in to work for the guys... everyone got a good laugh, two vet's among them.

 

[Kaxter]

115. I should not speculate on the penis size of anyone who outranks me.

By FAR the best one on the list

 

[snafuie1]

 

[Orthonym]

To Quartus:

Sir:

With all due respect to you and your point of view, let me ask you to cut that slacker some slack. "Skippy" seems to me to be a sharp, underemployed, hence BORED soldier. Remember the old saw about idle hands and the Devil?

Don't forget he was in the Balkans when our National Policy was mostly "pretend" and "look good". The feces flow down, from the top. Wesley Clark was fired. Skippy was just a Spec.x. Maybe Skippy got fed up enough to "resign in place."


Edit: (abt 7minutes later) No Bosnias! - Kaiser Wilhelm II

 

[D.W. Drang]

Something tells me that the specialist involved was a member of a public affairs/publications unit...

Bogie: I first got the link to this list from someone who claims to have known him; Skippy was in PsyOps.

Reading it, I may have known him, he sounds like many of the 98-series troops (SIGINT) I ever knew... fun to have around, if you are prepared to draw the line BEFORE he goes over it. (Discovered too late, but at least before the CO did, that one of my manpack teams took an inflatable sheep to the field with them, their mascot... )
BTW, if you go to the web site, it says that many of these things are items which Skippy never did or even contemplated, but someone ELSE did or conmtemplated and SGT whats'isname told Skippy to not even think about it before it was too late.

You can't put a bayonet on a crew served weapon because it would be a waste of perfectly good 100 MPH tape...

 

[Boom-stick]

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[Amish_Bill]

Oh, no....

You're NOT going to BTT this... There's NO WAy I'm going to be sucked into another 30+ minute fit of subdued yet hysterical laughter....