This should make you all laugh!

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Phantom Captain

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A friend of mine emailed me this this morning. The heading was that it was an open letter in the Savannah Craig's List.

I'm not sure if it's true of if someone wrote it to look like the real thing as I didn't go check the Savannah Craig's List but either way it's just so spot on. I hope it's real though because if so it really is delicious.

Enjoy!

To the Guy Who Mugged Me Downtown (Downtown, Savannah )


I was the white guy with the black Burrberry jacket that you demanded I hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I hope you somehow come across this message. I'd like to apologize.

I didn't expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening, and it wasn't that cold outside. You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it?

I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again. I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself some gas on your card. I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all of the cash in your wallet, then I threw the wallet itself in a dumpster.

I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell. They'll be on your bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Alltel recently shut down the line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I don't know what's going on with that. I hope they haven't permanently cut off your service. I was about to make some threatening phone calls to the DA's office with it. Oh well.

So, about your pants. I know that I was a little rough on you when you did this whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd like to make it up to you. I'm sure you've already washed your pants, so I'd like to help you out. I'd like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on the pants. What brand did you use, and was it liquid or powder? I'd also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky. If you read this message, email me and we'll do lunch and laundry. Peace! - Alex
 
Definitely over the top.

I'd be more inclined to believe it if the guy had said something like "I have the single shoe you left behind"., but both shoes, wallet and cell phone? Unlikely, and if he did acquire those items, it was likely because he turned into the aggressor after the mugger ceased to be a threat.

I'm not buying it.
 
There's definitely not a shortage of thug types in downtown Savannah, GA, and I'm constantly reading reports of muggings & worse, so from that stand point it's totally believable. If you make a wrong turn down town, you can find yourself in the hood within a block. It's one of the few cities in GA that Obama carried, if that tells you any thing.
 
While amusing, let's point out that at some point the victim began to break the law using the mugger's phone, cash and property in the way they did.

If you get the upper hand, just remember to stay within the law.
 
Seen several crazy open letters similar to this on CL. Always good for a chuckle but rarely based on facts.
 
Of course it isn't serious. The proper thing to do would be to get the thug to start kissing the pavement until the cops arrived.
 
hso said:
While amusing, let's point out that at some point the victim began to break the law using the mugger's phone, cash and property in the way they did.

If you get the upper hand, just remember to stay within the law.
Click to expand...

Agreed. But should you break the law and do something hilarious, I'd still like to read about it. :D
 
That was a good way to start the day...with a good laugh. But not true. The line about the shoes is a little over the top IMO, and all is illegal. A CCW (I'm taking that for granted that he has one) is too much responsibility to risk losing it doing something stupid like that, and then advertising it on the web. The liberals think we are all like that anyway, and that story just reinforces it. Despite all that, it's way funny!
 
Funny, up until he started talking about using the guy's phone, giving away his clothes, and being sorry for not killing him.

IMHO, most of the letter makes the author look like just as much of a thug as the attempted mugger.

Don't get me wrong - people who prey on innocents are scum - but I'm not a vigilante. If I ever have to draw or use a gun, it'd better be in defense of my life. I'm not going to use it to strip the attempted robber of all his gear (just like he was trying to do to me) and then use his money and personal property for my own uses. That makes -me- no better than him. At that point it's not self-defense, it's robbery and bloodlust.
 
I've had to resist robbery a few times over the years. I've never called the cops for that, as I didn't want the headache or to get on some crew's list. However, I once turned the tables -- I was out for a long brisk walk anyway, so after I resisted, I followed the guy. I mean, really followed. He'd walk, I'd walk. He'd jog, I'd jog. He kept turning and shaking his head. I was like white on rice. I don't know if he was worried, annoyed or both. But no mistaking it: a heavily armed, irritated, possibly crazy guy was following him. Finally, he crossed the park at a run and entered the downtown police station. At that point I turned and walked home. Yes, the story has a happy ending -- he was arrested, for an outstanding warrant.
 
I don't think it's true either, but very funny though.
That said, it would make a great item on youtube. :neener:
 
You know, the bad guy could have used his cell to call some of his homies, or maybe could have run a few blocks to get them, if he didn't have his cell but had his shoes. I really don't think temporarily confiscating those items was such a bad idea, given the circumstances.

The wallet, well...
 
Very funny. Got a good laugh. Not buying it though.

Just curious King Tiger if your comment on Obama carrying the city is a racial comment. I personally think that is in very poor taste if thats the case. Not accusing here, but thats how I interpretted it. I have been a member for some time although I rarely post. Ill have to reconsider if thats an accepted stance here on the high road.
 
I think he meant the thugs voted for Obama because they know Obama would disarm citizens for easier preying... who knows. I am not a mind reader but I don't see a racial undertone. It's funny how people love jumping to that conclusion when there are other explanations.

I've read a few similar letters. It can't be real, unless there is a copycat villain who does the same thing all over the country.

As for taking the shoes and cell, it is okay for a citizen to secure the items but not to use the cell phone. I would use it to call 911 and that's about it.
 
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